The Forgotten Side Of Spirituality In Life... And How to Experience Deeper Fulfillment

Two elements.

How do we find a balance between the following... and do we really need this balance?

When our focus is split between physical life and spiritual life (and I'm not specifically talking about organised religion here, I'm talking about our deeper, personal beliefs about LIFE whatever that may be for us) sometimes we're missing the beauty and magic from the two combined together.

Whatever our beliefs are, it seems human beings regardless of gender, age, race have often found reassurance in some sort of belief about our life experience. Whether we don't believe in a higher force or we do, whatever spectrum we may associate ourselves with and anywhere in between... our beliefs have often given us a sense of security and comfort.

Many connect with the understanding that within everything is energy, vibrating particles. This has been proved time and time again by scientists. We  have electromagnetic fields. Everything from the food we consume, objects that surround us all have vibrating particles in variations. Solids vibrate slower, so we can actually touch them. Liquids, vibrate more quickly making the liquid form that we see. And gases vibrate even quicker, so quick that we often cannot see them.

Regardless of speed and form... the energy remains.

This energy, some call consciousness. There is this universal loving energy that gives life. 

Something I've noticed in the self awareness industry is that sometimes we can move so far away from the physical realm focusing too much on the Spiritual side of things that we forget why we're here. At least why I feel we're here... some could argue this is simply my perception!

Let's look at what we call ourselves... 'Human beings'. 

Human + Being. 

We are not just a physical body, we are the energy, spirit and breath that fills it and animates it. When someone dies, their physical body still remains a short while, it's the breath, the life force that has moved on. Also we are not just an energetic being floating around, we have a physical body grounding us into this human experience. 

Whatever the reasons are why we're here, and who we really are... I guess we'll find out in detail one day. At the moment, what many of us have are different elements of this whole truth.

"Truth is a sphere" as my NLP Trainer, would often say.

Perhaps we're not here to solely focus on the physical side of life, there's something more. And... perhaps we're not here to ignore the physical experiences of life too.

It's the two together. Hand in hand. Human + Being.

Click To Tweet: "Human Beings = Human + Being. Acknowledge both parts and notice what transforms" Emma Bradford

To remember our spiritual (energetic) nature whilst making the most of this human physical experience we call life - to really experience sensations, physical experiences and pleasures, especially with our physical body. Often there can be the misconception that to be focused on material aspects in life is 'shallow' or not 'spiritual'. Doesn't sound like a very spiritually, loving belief to me.

We're here in a physical body with material aspects around us for a reason. For the experience of it and to really enjoy it in all it's colours and shades on offer.

At the same time, being solely focused on the physical side, ignoring or dismissing any belief in something else (whether that's simply energy from a scientific point of view or a Soul, Spirit, consciousness, higher force etc) often can leave us searching for more whether we're conscious of it or not.

Unsatisfied with life. Unfulfilled. Something missing.

When we combine the two, in whatever way that resonates for us we can experience even more fulfilment in life.

Acknowledging our physical body and physical experience whilst remembering what lies deeper within ourselves and others - an energy, a Soul.

To ignore the pleasures our physical experience can bring some would say is to ignore a fundamental part of spirituality. Meditating all day long does not make us more spiritual than others. Tapping into the simple sensations and pleasures our senses and body allow us to experience can be a magical and spiritual part of life.

And to ignore the wisdom and understanding deeper within ourselves, others and life is to ignore a vital part that many of us search for too.

It's seeing the bigger picture, whilst enjoying the details too.

Both, hand in hand.

Try this...

What are you grateful for in your physical experience right now? What sensations do you notice? Feel into it.

Experiencing this, what does this teach you about life? What deeper messages lie within? And if you're not sure, if you were to know... what do you think you'd discover? 

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Emotions Uncovered: The Hidden Benefits of Anger, Sadness & Fear

Emotions. 

Painful? Uplifting? Two sides of the same coin.

There are many different shades of anger... deep, red hot rage to a light red/pink hue of mild irritation. A rainbow of emotions within the human experience, and only experiencing the sunny yellow of joy doesn't allow us to experience the full rainbow. 

As with day and night... if we continuously experience daylight, wouldn’t it get a bit boring? Notice how after a cold, dark, wet winter, spring arrives with more light and warmth. Feels good right? 

We truly appreciate the light when we've experienced darkness too. 

To appreciate the wonderful nature of joy and happiness, we also need to understand what sadness and grief feels like. Doesn't mean we need to wallow in self-pity and grief for days and weeks. It simply means when an emotion arises - acknowledge it, feel it, learn from it and then let it go.  

All emotions are valid. This goes for ourselves too... all parts are valid.  

Click to Tweet: "Only accepting the lighter side of ourselves doesn't bring wholehearted self-acceptance. The shadow needs acknowledging too" Emma Bradford

Emotions (Energy in MOTION) are messengers giving us an invitation. Presenting a door that leads onto something else. If we decide to suppress, ignore, avoid certain emotions it's as if we keep the door closed unable to connect to the wonderful experience on the other side.

We miss out.

Often what prevents us to fully embrace emotions are our beliefs about them from past events. If we believe that crying our sadness or expressing anger is 'wrong' then whenever we feel sadness or anger we'll want to avoid or suppress it. 

It's not the emotion itself... it's the meanings we've attached to them from past experiences.

Afraid of what others might think - fear of showing our vulnerable side in case we're rejected. Vulnerability actually creates deeper bonds. 

Afraid of how it may feel - as we've attached a meaning that __x__ emotion always = pain. As a society we often search for instant pleasure rather than long term happiness. There's a difference between the two and often it's the latter that we really want even if we don't realise it. Searching for instant pleasure and avoiding certain emotions in the process won't bring us long term happiness. 

By opening ourselves to emotions, we open ourselves up to a whole world of experiences and insights. Emotions invite us to experience something else completely different and wonderful in and beyond them. 

Anger can lead to...

• Passion... creative fuel for new projects, missions and new rights.
• Self-esteem... by teaching us about our boundaries, our value and lead us to greater self-worth if we choose to observe the messages and act accordingly.
• Motivation... to create change.
• Etc..

Sadness can lead to...

• Understanding... of what we're experiencing.
• Gratitude... for what we had and have and to fully appreciate the uplifting times. Any sadness I've experienced, acted among many things as a reminder to appreciate what I have and become more present. To truly appreciate the wonderful joys that life has to offer that we can easily take for granted or miss in daily life.
• Connection... with others when we open up and share how we feel. The film 'Inside Out' is a wonderful example of this.
• Etc...

Fear can lead to...

• Courage... to feel the fear and do what we want anyway, recognising how brave we can be.
• Safety... so we can get ourselves out of risky situations if need be.
• Awareness... recognising our priorities and increasing our focus.
• Etc...

In other words it's not the hammer, it's the intention and action we choose to do with the hammer that's important. 

For too long certain emotions have been given a bad reputation, seen as something to be avoided whereas it's simply HOW we express them that's key. Expressing anger by dancing or painting how we feel is very different to punching someone in the face and spreading the anger further. The first transforms the energy, the second multiplies it.

So if anger (for example) isn't 'bad' why do we need to transform it? 

When we remain stuck and attached to certain emotions we interrupt the flow and they can build up within. A mild irritation at first may later become red hot rage if we don't see it for what it is, learn from it and express it in a healthy and productive way from the beginning. Plus I think most of us can agree that a little more peace, love and healing on this planet could be somewhat helpful!

It´s finding a balance, allowing ourselves to go with the flow, without remaining stuck to heavier emotions for too long. That's where NLP and the many other useful techniques and practices out there come in handy. Remaining stuck in certain emotional states can keep us demotivated, dis-empowered and affect our health.

Notice I use the word heavier instead of negative. If we label and judge certain emotions as negative, the more we interrupt the flow. Heavier emotions are the ones where we want to contract and withdraw... lighter emotions are the ones where we feel expansive and open.

By ignoring the knocking on the door of an emotion we miss the insight and gift... and it will only come back louder and stronger another time. 

As they say... what we resist, persists!

If we're learning something through the experience of an emotion can we really label that emotion as negative? Surely gaining new insights can be a wonderful thing, right?

So I wonder... what really lies beyond that door.

I'd love to hear from you, if you're experiencing a particular emotion what is it inviting you to connect with right now? What door is being presented to you? Let me know in the comment section below.

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Avoidance... And My Mosquito Bite Adventure

Avoidance. 

More common than we think. It's behind most sabotaging behaviours too. 

Yes there are positive intentions, things, feelings we search for unconsciously... there are also benefits and gains by avoiding what we want to move away from. 

It's all too common nowadays to bury our head in the sand. Technology makes this easier too. Facing an awkward silence in the lift with someone you don't know? 

Out comes the mobile. 

We often use mobile phones as an escapism... a jail free card... a way out. Rather than facing things head on, even if they're uncomfortable at first. Avoiding the present moment. I was reminded of avoidance as I was bitten for the 3rd time in a row one hot summer evening by a mosquito. 

Yes even mosquitoes can bring insights!

Angrily cursing... "what's the point of mosquitoes?" "its bad enough being bitten, why do we need to be left with an irritating bite mark too?"

"Presence" I heard within. 

My intuition was pointing how out of touch with the present moment I was at that time and the mosquito bites did have a silver lining... to reconnect with my body and the present moment. Even if it was an irritating reminder! This is not to say that every mosquito bite is a call to be present, each person and situation is different. It certainly seemed the case for me at the time. 

Looking within a little deeper (my curious mindset is often exlporing) all three bites were on the same side of my body even though both sides were visible to the mosquito. 

Interesting.

Some people say depending whether symptoms are displayed on the right or left hand side of the body it can give an insight to what contributing emotional conflicts are present. 

As far out as it may sound to some, emotions can contribute to physical symptoms that we experience... whatever the symptom. Making that symptom worse or better, as we create and influence our reality. 

For example... the left hand side of the body is generally considered to be connected to our feminine energy, female relationships, mother etc. Whereas the right hand side of the body is largely considered to indicate emotions about the masculine energetic side of ourselves, father figure, male relationships etc. There are many different theories and insights out there... though this theory in particular always stuck as it resonates with me. 

It made sense, I was annoyed about a particular situation and person at the time. And that matched exactly with which side of the body I had the mosquito bites on. I was experiencing an irritating physical reminder of how 'irritated' I was because I avoided the anger in the first place. I was being called present to the irritation I initially tried to avoid. 

This was another reminder, another wake up call to step even closer to authentic wholehearted living.

And let this be a lesson... emotions will always surface and manifest one way or another! If we suppress them now, they'll often bubble up in another form later on. 

Our experiences around us are a direct mirror into what is happening internally. 

We can observe and learn or we can avoid. It's our choice. We don't need to obsessively dissect every single thing we experience to find meaning... life is simply for living and having care-free fun too :-). It can help though at times to understand the meaning behind certain situations by tapping into that curious mindset. 

Click to Tweet: "Find the answer within that resonates for you" Emma Bradford

There are no right or wrong answers either, and many factors can come into play. Though by looking within, reflecting on possible meanings behind experiences can give us many insights and answers. 

Find the answer that resonates for you.

1) "I wonder, what is my current external experience highlighting about my internal world?"

2) "And how can I use this information with compassion to create the best outcome for myself and others?"

I realised after that experience how much I had avoided presence in many areas of my life. Presence with certain emotions, certain situations, and certain feelings sensations. By looking a little deeper into experiences we can gain insights into what beliefs, thoughts and emotions that may contribute. 

This is a common example I see with clients and in workshops too is the desire to avoid conflict at times. To avoid speaking our truth as often there is a hidden belief that it will create conflict if we do. Truth is, it's more about how we communicate rather that what we say. Only 7% of communication is based on actual words!

This calls for compassion. 

If you find that you have been avoiding certain situations and feelings first be kind to yourself. There's a reason behind every behaviour... find it, learn from it and then choose the direction you wish to go in. There are many insights to be had, and support around... we don't benefit from it though if we continue to avoid it. 

May each step on this journey be another deeper, compassionate stepping stone towards an even greater wholehearted life. Let's walk this path as one loving community.

If you'd like support in creating new habits and managing emotions and negative self-talk get in touch for online Wholehearted NLP sessions. Simply email... info@emmabradford.net.

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Have You Said This Too?

We often underestimate the power of them.

They're so powerful in fact, that I even experienced physical symptoms from them.

Dizzy, light headed and sometimes even nausea.* Spending years not knowing what was going on when strange unexplained symptoms popped up.

I was so frustrated. And that frustration just made it worse.

After many years of consulting health care professionals and digging deep emotionally and mentally within... it turned out that the majority of the time after these unexplained symptoms arose, I had been using hurtful and pressuring words towards myself.

That's right... words.

Words have an immense power to affect us emotionally, physically and mentally. Not only do they help us to communicate, form specific languages, express different sounds that vibrate through the air so to be heard by ourselves and others.

They are also powerful creators.

And we don't even need to speak them out loud to be affected by them. We can simply think them and the effects can be felt. 

When I first learned NLP, things started to piece together. How we talk to ourselves and about ourselves, the words we choose and the those that form beliefs... create our life experience. Something I always knew intuitively, though until I actually felt the vibrational difference of words it was only a concept.

I entered an eye opening reality. Discovering how I could empower myself and others, or put others down, how I could feel calm and centered or how I could feel bouts of nausea. I had the complete control whether I chose to believe and accept it or not. And this is the same for everyone else.

I was reminded of this recently, flicking through Spanish TV channels one evening seeing if there was anything 'edible' (as my Mother says!) when I stumbled upon a talent contest. Not the greatest quality show though it's certainly entertaining once in a while.

One vibrant, full of energy contestant caught my attention. Not only was she beaming with life, it was how she introduced herself that really made me stop and think.

"Hi my name is_______, and I am _______ years young"

Wait a minute, what did she say?

"I am ____ years YOUNG".

Woahh!!

In society, the way we talk, phrases and words are often used without a second thought. We talk about how old we are... and feel bad about our age. If words and beliefs create our reality then perhaps this vibrant contestant was beaming because of how she CHOSE to represent herself?

Tweet: "WORDS can influence you mentally, emotionally and physically... you can tear yourself apart, or nourish yourself whole" Emma Bradford

Observing others, we can learn a lot. We can also discover a great wealth of insights by noticing our self talk.

And often that's where we really let loose!

The Inner Critic spills out endless should's, must's, have to's without a second thought. And many don't realise that these words have a HUGE impact on our emotional and mental health... and as I found out, physical well-being too.

What I did when I felt an unexplained symptom, was to trace back my thoughts and notice what I had just said to myself a few seconds before... 99% of the time there was the word Should.

SHOULD brings a sense of pressure, a sense of have to, must do, need to. A sense receiving orders with a heavy feeling, placing ourselves into small constricting boxes. Especially with regards to a task we don't want to do.

Now if we change this into something more empowering... such as could, notice the difference...

COULD brings a sense of possibility, opportunity, and optimism. A lighter feeling of expansion as you give yourself an option. You could do that task, however its not a demand. Even if its about something that we do need to do, simply by talking and thinking about it using the word could helps to ease the pressure of the said task.

Awareness is the first step to making a change. 

Every time I noticed unexplained physical symptoms, I back-tracked my thoughts. If I had used the word should (which quite often I had!) I simply restated the sentence to myself again exchanging the word Should for Could. And just by doing this, symptoms alleviated significantly which taught me about the immense power words have on our mental, emotional and physical health. 

Wow!

Like a weight being lifted off my shoulders, fog clearing and a great sense of relief.

How to exchange dis-empowering words for empowering ones...

"I intend to lose weight" or "I am loosing weight" rather than "I'm trying to lose weight"

"I'm being showered with gifts" other than "I'm being spoiled with gifts"

"I can give it a go" in exchange for "I can't do it because of_____"

"I could do_______" or "I choose to do_____" in replacement of "I should do______"

If our thoughts and words create our reality then surely using more empowering words can help us into greater positive experience right?

Now I encourage you to notice the words you choose this week and ask yourself this...

When are you most critical of yourself? (What are you doing/not doing, thinking/saying... what are your surroundings at the time?)

And when are you least critical of yourself? (What are you doing/not doing, thinking/saying... what are your surroundings at the time?)

What do these answers tell you? What are the differences between the two?

Finally, let me know in the comment section below what differences you notice when you purposely use the word should and when you use the word could... what changes?

Until next time, wishing you a wonderful month ahead!

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*This is help communicate how our language can affect us at all levels. Knowing this can help improve our well-being. Please remember that for serious health concerns always seek a trusted health care professional and get reoccurring symptoms checked out.

How To Let Go Of Excess Emotional Baggage

Emotions are funny things aren't they? 

Catching us off guard and making us say things we don't want to say or do what we don't want to do. Common belief is that things just happen to us...we have no control over life and how we feel - now that's a powerless position to put ourselves in! And a scary one too, never knowing what's around the corner or if we'd be able to handle it.

Can we really control our emotions? 

Good news. The answer is YES! How we experience life is much to do with what is going on in our 'control tower' - our brain! The thoughts and images that we choose to focus on in our mind all have a meaning that we attach to it. For each person the meanings are different - we each have our own 'map of the world' or 'pair of glasses' if you like and its by focusing on these meanings, thoughts and beliefs that we have the control of creating lighter or heavier emotional states. It's up to us. 

Not easy, I know.

I certainly have my moments too. The magic part though is being aware and accepting responsibility which can bring a HUGE sense of freedom. We have a choice, we can mope around all day and point the finger elsewhere (easy to do!) or we can accept that the quickest way things will change is by doing something about it and to start changing our focus (more effort at first but oh so more rewarding!).  

So when you next catch yourself starting to feel sad, angry or frustrated...trace back your thoughts and notice where your focus was. Quite often you'll notice negative thoughts such as 'its not working, I cant do anything right' or 'he hasn't replied, he's lost interest in me'...hmmm not so uplifting thoughts eh? 

No wonder we feel rubbish afterwards!

So how can we let go of the emotional baggage if we find ourselves swimming in heavy emotions? 


1) Openness & Loving Awareness: Being open to consider a different perspective, noticing how we feel and tracing back our thoughts to find the root cause. Notice the word 'loving' here. This is not about beating ourselves up again for having a negative thought in the first place...simply be curious and notice.

2) Re-framing: Challenge your thoughts and beliefs and re-frame the situation. Is it really that 'he's lost interest'? Or perhaps he's had a challenging day?

3) Creative Release: If you still feel some of that emotion you wish to let go of, find a creative outlet to release it whether be that through dance, exercise, writing or art etc. I often encourage clients to write what I call the 'I feel...' page if I notice there needs to be more of a release. 

Taking out an A4 piece of paper and repeating and finishing the sentence 'I feel...' until they have completely covered the page. Emotions are like energetic heavy weights if we hold onto them...by writing things down we can let go of some of those weights, allowing the emotions to express their true nature and simply be the 'energy in motion' that they are. Its our constant focus on unhelpful thoughts, judgement and lack of creative release that makes them heavier. Writing the 'I feel...' page followed by screwing up and throwing away the paper can create a huge relief. I also use this technique if ever there is a time I feel the need to let go of excess emotional baggage and it works wonders.

Being an empathetic person myself (yes, its my number one Gallup strength too!) can have its pros and cons. Whilst I often feel what clients are feeling and sense intuitively what needs to be worked on in each moment it can also mean I need to be very loyal to my personal well-being to then ensure I can continue giving the best service possible. Just like when you're travelling by plane and they say 'place your own mask on first before helping others' - because if you don't you simply cannot help others effectively. 


These above tools are fundamental for any empathetic person, or anyone dealing with unpleasant emotions. Try it, notice how much lighter you can feel and let me know what difference you notice in the comments below! Or perhaps you have a technique that works great for you, I'd love to hear your thoughts - feel free to share with everyone in the comments below.

Its through the practice where the real magic happens! 

And finally, do you have friends currently struggling with their emotions? Forward on this post and create pack for a week with your friend, both supporting each other through the 3 step process and discussing the changes that occur...as they say sharing is caring and a helping hand can work wonders. 

Dancing To Success

Yes inspiration and wisdom can sometimes come from the most unexpected sources! I find often its more an attitude; if we are open, receptive and curious we can gain the most valuable insights from what we experience in life. This song below reminds me of my beautiful sister, who was the person that introduced me to my first official 5 Rhythms dance class many years ago. It was from 5 Rhythms that I discovered the power of movement and how it can positively affect our emotions. 

I often talk about the MIND/BODY connection in workshops and meetup practice groups...we know through NLP and many other documented studies over the years that the mind can affect the physical and emotional bodies. What we believe and focus our attention on grows and can alter how we feel both physically and emotionally. 

Don't take my word for it - experience it for yourself! Try focusing the next 15 seconds on a memory where you felt so much excitement, happiness and joy that you were literally jumping for joy and grinning ear to ear. As you breathe into this start to notice what changes with your posture, energy levels and breath etc...your physical and emotional bodies are responding to your thoughts. 

Also through the research of TED speaker Amy Cuddy and many other studies we know that our body can also affect our thoughts and emotions. What postures we hold ourselves in can in turn either create feelings of confidence and high level of self esteem or it can make us feel more introverted and lacking in confidence. Everything is connected. Whether we choose to use this wisdom or not is up to us. 

So if you're starting this year with new goals and you're noticing a few limiting beliefs or fears cropping up, I challenge you this month to use your body alongside other techniques to help propel you to success. 

For example...

You may have the goal to start meditating this year and as you try, you notice limiting beliefs coming up such as 'I cant do it', 'Its boring', 'Its too hard'. 

Challenge those beliefs by finding evidence in your life for the opposite positive belief and/or possible solutions...

'I can do it, I tried a new skill of salsa dancing last year and succeeded'

'There are many different meditation techniques out there, I'll find something fun or an app to get me started'

'If its so hard why are so many people doing it? What will make it easier for me?'

Alongside that use your body and literally 'shake off' any fears or doubts. 

By doing something physical, shaking off any unhelpful emotions, you can then help your mind to 'shake off' the fears and beliefs. Scientifically speaking, the exercise will help raise your levels of Serotonin, Endorphins and Dopamine (the feel good hormones) which in turn help you to feel better about yourself and starting a new goal. It will literally be that kick start to get you going. Not only that, it can also help you to bounce back easily with kindness for yourself if ever you get lost along the way. 

The MIND/BODY connection is a wonderful thing. Next time you you feel resistance, fear, doubts, or anger about a challenge/upsetting situation, use this connection to your advantage. Notice what shifts with your thoughts, emotions and physical body as you do this. 

You don't even need to go to a dance class. Its not about constraining ourselves by learning specific steps*...its about letting go...dancing from within as if no one is watching. And for that, all you need is your body...and maybe a few funky beats ;-)

Try it this month, shake off the fears, shake off the frustration and shake into the success you desire. 

See you on the dance floor! 

*Depending on the type of dance obviously!

The Power Of One Simple Word...

'Prepare for the worse case scenario'...'Don't get your hopes up'...

How many of these phrases have you heard throughout your life so far? 

Whilst being aware of the consequences (i.e. checking Ecology as we call in in NLP) is extremely helpful...sometimes if we place too much emphasis on what we don't want...what could 'go wrong'...or what we are missing...we simply affirm to ourselves and others to bring us in life more of what we don't want. 

After all the grass is greener where we water it. In other words where we place our attention, our focus, our energy...that area continues to grow. 

Sonia Choquette, an Intuitive Spiritual Teacher has always emphasised the power of the word 'Wonder'. 'I wonder...' opens up possibilities, connects with our creativity and imagination to start creating what we desire.

For example, imagine that there are two friends...friend A and friend B:

Friend A starts the day waking up thinking 'Oh crap, another miserable day I bet I'll get stuck in traffic again, and I bet that my boss will be in another of his bad mood as always...etc etc'

Friend B starts the day waking up and thinking 'I wonder what wonderful things will happen today...'

Essentially what friend B is doing is exercising their creativity, imagination, and having fun in the process. They are also telling their RAS (Recticular Activating System) what they want to focus on and what they wish to experience. Friend A is also communicating with their RAS, however to create different outcomes...by telling their RAS to find more of what they don't want.

In NLP we talk about the RAS, a part of our brain as it is fundamental in goal setting. It acts as a filter between the conscious and unconscious mind, acting as a faithful servant to our thought process. If we feed it with positive thoughts, it will set out to prove those true, just as if we were to feed it limiting thoughts such as 'Nothing is going right...I'm going to have a crap day´ it will also set out to prove those true. Our RAS cannot differentiate between positive and negative. It simply acts like a dog finding the ball its master has thrown out there...it fnds the evidence and brings it to our attention. 

This is not to say that you will completely cease to have any challenges, set backs or disappointments by starting the day this way...they can still come into our lives as they do with anyone. It simply means you will start noticing more of the 'wonderful moments' and yes in turn attract more into your day to day life as you begin to shift your focus. 

So notice what kind of day you could have if you fed your RAS with thoughts like "I wonder what wonderful things will happen today..." 

Your RAS will start bringing to your attention little surprises and wonderful pleasures of life and as you bring your focus to these areas and that your beliefs are aligned...you will start attracting even more into your life.

Notice what wonderful, little treasures come into your life when you start the day with wonder...its a lot more fun thinking that way too ;-) 

Happy November!

What is NLP?

Neuro Linguistic Programming can sound like a bit of a mouthful at times. 

Each practitioner has their own way of describing what is with some calling it both an Art and a Science and others explaining it as a way to achieve excellence in your life. I usually use the following description...

NLP is a tool to understand unhelpful patterns we may be creating unconsciously in our lives. To enhance or alter our patterns of thought, behaviour and emotion so to become the best version of ourselves. 

It's like we have a DIY toolkit for life.

I don't see it as becoming a completely new person (although it can feel that way sometimes!)... its more about uncovering the layers of limiting beliefs and emotional baggage we may have picked up along the way, uncovering the real you beneath. Its about remembering our strengths and capabilities which on an super conscious level we have always known and realising this both on a conscious and unconscious level.

Since the beginning of time, aspects of NLP is something that some people have used without realising it however it really came to light in the 1970s through the pioneering work of Richard Bandler and John Grinder. Everybody has the skills and the ability to achieve their desired outcome, however sometimes we can become a little lost along the way which is when the guidance of a friend, family member, doctor or practitioner can help during difficult situations

In short:

Neuro is to do with how we process information internally from our senses to our brain
Linguistic is to do with how we use language to communicate to others as well as ourselves
Programming is to do with our internal strategies we use in order to achieve outcomes.

Through the use of visualisations, goal setting techniques, creating triggers to recall positive emotions and much more, NLP can be a very practical, useful and life changing tool. More than anything its a way to re-frame events, helping us to see things from another perspective and no longer having the same painful emotional charge as before.

Notice how great it would be to go through life understanding yourself a little better, being able to create happy emotions whenever you need to and letting go of past hurts and negative thoughts about yourself!

That's not to say people cant achieve this without NLP, of course they can, there are many useful techniques out there. However NLP can help many people kick start the process and find the balance, great health and happiness that they desire in a very quick and efficient way.

One of my favourite quotes is that of Henry Ford...

"If you always do what you've done, you'll always get what you've got"

If we want to achieve something in our life that we have never had before, we need to do something different. If we havent got it at the moment then there is obviously something that is preventing you from having it whether be it a belief about ourselves beliefs about the world, self sabotaging behaviour or a limiting perspective on the situation. By understanding ourselves, our thoughts and beliefs, and then installing positive behaviours and beliefs we can then start to experience the life we want to experience.

Simple, powerful, effective.

Is It Selfish?

Pressures we tend to place on ourselves through the influence of society, our beliefs and values came into conversation the other day when talking with a friend.

We can sometimes get caught up in the ´need to please everyone´ and ´mustnt let people down´ that we can push ourselves too far. I used to be a very high achiever in this area many years ago in London. Constantly burning the candle at both ends regardless of how I felt. There was always an excuse to why I had to do something. Whilst I may have to remind myself occasionally, I can see how things have improved greatly since many years ago.

The underlying reason is often more to do with self worth than anything. Are we really valuing our needs in that moment? Or are we prioritising somebody else´s before ours?


Where do you place health and well being on your priority list?

What is your body whispering to you right now? What does it need?

Sure, its important to continue evolving, moving forward, and experiencing life to the full. However sometimes that experience is simply enough to sit still for a moment and listen to the sound of the wind in the trees. Being aware of our surroundings and really experiencing every moment through our senses.

Its all about balance. Knowing what feels right for us in each moment and acting on that to make our decision whether we want to enjoy some quite ´me time´ to relax or whether we feel like going out for a fun evening with friends.


Are you feeling guilty for taking time out for you?

What beliefs and fears are behind this?


Finding a balance is knowing your boundaries, trusting your gut feeling and being ok with saying ´Sorry I have plans already, is there another time we can both do?´. Time out for you, is just as valid as plans with a friend. Its more about what we prioritise in our lives, our level of self worth and our beliefs about the world rather than being seen as ´selfish´ as some may say.

By caring for yourself as one of your highest priorities, you are also being more loving and caring to others. Allowing yourself to be fully present, energised and and the most help to them rather than turning up tired, drained and distracted.

So its not so selfish after all!

What Is Your Reticular Activating System (RAS) And How Does It Affect You

´You get what you focus on´ is often said on self development blogs and in manifestation books... what is the meaning behind that? 

In NLP we talk about a part of our brain called the Reticular Activating System (RAS) and how it is fundamental in goal setting. Our RAS is like a filter between the conscious and unconscious mind, acting as a faithful servant to our thought process. If we feed it with positive beliefs, it will set out to prove those true, just as if we were to feed it limiting beliefs such as ´Im no good at anything´ it will also set out to prove those true. Our RAS cannot differentiate between positive and negative beliefs.

We create our reality whether we are aware of it or not. 

Two people going to the same party can describe it in very different ways, each person has their own belief system that they feed their RAS. Almost as if we each wear a different pair of glasses, looking through another pair you would see a very different world. By holding onto our limiting beliefs we then delete/distort or generalise the information so that it fits in with our belief system.

If we believe 100% that all people are always kind, we will (on an unconscious level) not notice if somebody is rude to us. This works vice verse as well. If we have the limiting belief that all shop assistants are rude, our RAS will point that out to us and we will encounter more rude shop assistants than those without that belief.

Notice what happens if you buy a red car. Before you may not have noticed many red cars, however after buying one they seem to be everywhere! What has happened? Its just your RAS continuing with ´red car´ on the brain and continuing to point them out to you. There is still the same amount on the roads (more or less), you just didn't pay attention to them before.

Your RAS is also the part of the brain that notices when somebody calls your name, you immediately take note.

This knowledge can prove very useful when working towards our goal. If we can feed our RAS positive beliefs through the use of visualisations, affirmations and anchors, it will start making us aware of situations, people and resources that can help us along the way.

So its not just luck after all!

5 Steps To Uncover and Remove Limiting Beliefs

How do we uncover hidden limiting beliefs? 

The following steps can help find any hidden limiting beliefs. By removing limiting beliefs we can help align the unconscious mind with the conscious, therefore achieving the life we desire.

For example...

Person A: Wishes to loose weight, starts a new diet, exercises, and consciously thinks about loosing weight however on an unconscious level (or even conscious level) they believe that they are fat/unattractive and that they will never succeed.

Person B: Wishes to loose weight, starts a healthier lifestyle made up of balanced meals and exercise, consciously thinks about a healthier lifestyle, and on an unconscious level believes that anything is possible and that they are lovable and worthy of success.

Which person do you think succeeds in the long maintaining a steady, naturally healthy weight?

Which person do you think ends up with yo-yo dieting and self sabotaging behaviours that affect their desired outcome? 

Uncovering Limiting Beliefs

Sometimes limiting beliefs can be hidden. We may be aware of some consciously, however there may be others that have gone unnoticed...that is until now!


STEP 1: Ask yourself;

What is it that I want? (Be specific!)
What are the reasons why I haven't achieved it already? 

(List EVERYTHING that comes to mind - even if it doesn't make sense, or if you are repeating yourself) keep going until you cannot think of anything else.


STEP 2: Look back at the list that you have written. Do you notice any similarities? Any repeated reasons (excuses)? Any patterns forming?

Notice the wording that is used as well, often limiting beliefs are stated with child like language such as ´I can't do it´ or ´They're better than me´ rather than, ´I'm not sufficient in my actions´. Limiting beliefs are often formed between the ages of 0-7 which explains the use of simpler language.

Out of all of the statements written down, which resonates with you most? Which creates the strongest emotional reaction within? Chose one and move onto the following step.

STEP 3: Write down your chosen limiting belief to work on, and next to it write down the positive opposite of that belief. For example, if the limiting belief is´I'm lazy´, next to it write down ´I'm hardworking´.


STEP 4: Write down 3 pieces of evidence in your life (past and present) that prove each of those statements true.

´I'm lazy´ (I wake up late, I don't do household chores...)

´I'm hardworking´ (I stick to deadlines, I gained qualifications for my studies...)

STEP 5: Notice how if you have 3 pieces of evidence both proving the positive, opposite statement and the limiting belief then neither one can be 100% true. There must be a truer statement somewhere in the middle.

´I work hard when I'm passionate about something´

Notice the difference when you say to yourself the limiting belief and then the truer statement. By noticing this and continuing to reinforce the truer statement through the use of post it notes, reminders on your phone, positive image or song to represent the truer statement, we can remove the old limiting belief and align our unconscious mind with our conscious. Therefore allowing ourselves to achieve our goal easily and effortlessly.


Now I'd love to hear from you... in the comment section below what did you find most useful in this post and why? 

Have a friend who would find this useful too? Offer them a helping hand and share this post. 

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Spring Clean Your Mind

Its that time of year that I just LOVE... 

flower blossom on the trees, warm sunshine creeping in and a sense of activity after the winter months.

Spring cleaning is often mentioned at this time of year, an opportunity to clear out those cluttered cupboards and unwanted clothes. Whilst the physical/material aspect of spring cleaning is great, we often forget that there are other types of spring cleaning that can be a huge help in achieving goals.

Many people set new years resolutions in January and by the second or third week give up due to lack of motivation and blaming themselves for not being good enough. If a friend was struggling with something, would you beat them up about it and tell them that they are useless? Treating ourselves with the love and respect that we deserve can make things 100 times easier to achieve goals.

However sometimes there can be a few little things that can get in our way...

Limiting Beliefs.

We all create our own map of the world, forming beliefs about ourselves, others and the world through experiences and influence from family, friends and other individuals. Sometimes there are helpful beliefs; eg) "I mustn't touch the hot stove as I can burn myself", and sometimes there are unhelpful ´limiting´ beliefs, eg) "If people don't say hello to me that means there is something wrong with me".

Notice how the later can limit us in our lives and add to feelings of insecurity, lack of self worth and lack of confidence. If we continue to believe limiting beliefs, even on an unconscious level, we will continue to limit our true potential in our lives, thus finding it more difficult to achieve what we want.

What we believe (both consciously and unconsciously), we receive. If we focus on not being good enough and believing that we are worthless, we will attract into our lives situations that prove that true thanks to a part of our brain called the Reticular Activating System (RAS). More information on the RAS coming soon.

So, its a great time for spring cleaning! If you have been working towards something and doubt starts creeping in, notice what thoughts are present.

What limiting beliefs have been holding you back?

Tips on uncovering and loosening limiting beliefs coming next!