Reconnecting With LIFE

For the last few years, each summer I do the same thing.

Social media break for the ENTIRE month. 

To be honest, every time I reconnect after the break, I feel reluctant to start again because it feels so good to switch off!

Not that useful for online business owners, though the good thing is, each time I return my boundaries are firmer, my priorities in life are clearer and moving forward I use social media more and more for work only.

With much of the world online nowadays it can be challenging for businesses, social life and more if we're not connected online. 

 

Especially this year. 

 

Social media has been an easy way to remain connected with loved ones during times of physical distance. It's great for keeping in contact, learning new things and spreading the word.

 

Social media is also designed to attract our attention and fulfil many needs. In fact, it touches upon all 6 of the 6 Basic Human Needs which is why it can be so addictive…

 

• Love and Connection – Connecting and sharing with loved ones 
• Significance – Receiving likes, comments and emojis 
• (Perceived) Certainty – Logging in each time knowing where certain things are, the same icons appear, familiar colours and logos
• Uncertainty (Variety) – Scrolling with new news updates, new emojis and backgrounds to use
• Growth – Learning new things about people and the world
• Contribution – Offering support to others, helping non-profits, providing a service

 

Notice how many social media apps fulfil each of these needs… albeit sometimes in a rather superficial, distant way compared to in person heartfelt connection.

Despite the companies best efforts to capture our attention we can create a healthy balance being mindful of how we use it and how they entice us.

 

It’s possible.

 

Ever wondered why they choose the colour RED for notifications and not another colour? Red is often considered the colour of urgency, enhancing that desire to click quick to find out who has commented or liked or messaged.

Though by being aware of the ‘shadow’ of social media we can place healthy boundaries and decide what usage works for our health and well-being.

Personally, total breaks work really well for me, especially during holiday season. This year reflecting on what I’ve learnt I thought to share some of these insights in case anyone else feels inspired to take a break or wants some tips on how to do it.

 

Benefits…

• I felt more present, observing the beauty around me.
• I had more time for other things… way more time.
• I opened up space to learn from within and from nature.
• I was creating conscious connection... mindfully choosing who and what to enter my energetic field.
• Any residual anxiety from this year’s events reduced significantly.
• Greater stillness, calmness and relief.
• Deeper connection to self, few trusted loved ones, nature and LIFE itself.
• Expanded awareness of past actions and choices.
• Moments of boredom, which were the birthplace for creativity to arise.
• Flexibility, finding other ways to connect with loved ones, find news and spend my time.
• Patience.
• Non attachment.
• My health improved significantly being away from phones and screens.
• Increased satisfaction with the little (BIG) things in life, the gifts that surround us in every moment.
• I felt lighter.
• My attention span increased for other activities or when I simply wanted to BE.

 

And much more…

 

It was interesting, initially I noticed the unconscious habit with my hands automatically searching for app without thinking. A clear sign how ingrained the habit of checking social media had become. This was made easier to break by deleting the relevant apps and reorganising the main screen on my phone.

 

Pattern interrupt.

 

This is what we talk about in NLP – finding ways to interrupt the strategies we have for unwanted habits. Always pressing on the snooze button each morning? I wonder what happens when the alarm is placed in a different location so the unconscious mind doesn’t have it so easy to repeat the same habit?

I also noticed that I can survive perfectly fine, have a social life and continue to learn and grow without my mobile and certain apps on a regular basis. Going mobile free for periods of time is highly beneficial.

 

Mobiles and apps are useful… and there is still REAL LIFE around us too.

 

Life is beyond the screens.

Want to take a break though not sure how to start to make it last?

• Decide which apps you want a break from. Are you prone to scrolling? Or constantly checking messages? A social media break doesn’t mean everything at once – find what works for you.
• Decide on a time frame. You may want a big break like I did or simply for a few days. If you use social media for work pick the best times for you to take a break without affecting your work significantly.
• Social accountability can work wonders for goal setting and support. Each break I take I announce it online for a few reasons…

1. My clients, meetup members and students follow me online so I want them to be aware that during a certain time frame I’ll be responding to emails only.
2. I want to encourage others to take the break if they feel the need.
3. By announcing it online I have created social accountability, therefore if ever I desire to quickly check messages (which rarely happens as it feels so good to switch off) I remind myself that people expect me to be offline during that time so that acts as motivation to stay offline.

• Delete the relevant apps off your phone, reorganise the main screen to interrupt any old habits.
• Find ways to remain connected with loved ones. Social media break doesn’t need to mean being disconnected completely. Arrange that skype call, call a friend, post a letter and keep connected with loved ones you trust and value.
• Start a new hobby, book, puzzle or practice.
• Be mindful of the 6 Basic Human Needs. If social media fulfils many of the 6 basic human needs, being aware of this can be useful in mindfully fulfilling these needs elsewhere in a constructive, healthy way.

 

Have you had a social media break?

What did you learn? I'd love to know.

I’ll be announcing some classes and training's very soon to transform our relationship with emotions and negative self-talk, make sure you’re signed up to my newsletter to receive the updates if you’re taking a social media break!

How To Gain True Life Satisfaction

Life. 

Duality. 

I was reminded of this a few weeks back, celebrating the success of my recent NLP Graduate students - what an awesome group! And the same week hearing news of a friend that unexpectedly passed away. 

On one hand I wanted to jump for joy and celebrate the success of my students... on the other I wanted to cry, grieve - shocked at the sudden news of my friend. 

It was a BIG reminder on how valuable life is, and how we can take it for granted. 

Hours passing by scrolling Facebook or taking the 100th photo for the perfect Instagram selfie. I read a post once by Karly Nimmo who has a two shot rule. She won't take more than two photos - and then one of those gets posted. 

Or perhaps we binge eat, binge watch Netflix, use alcohol or smoking to disconnect from pain we may be feeling.

If endless social media or another vice really fulfills us deeply then by all means we can continue as long as it doesn't harm our health. More often than not it doesn't fulfill us in the long term - if we're really honest with ourselves, we're looking for something else deep down. 

Love, belonging, connection, acceptance, excitement, variety, significance... the list goes on.

It's when we move through challenges, finding insights and learning from those moments that we transform the need to stick a 'Netflix plaster' over how we feel. 

There can be ups and downs. 

Life can bring moments of joy and love... and moments of anger and grief. Much of how we experience things is to do with what stories we tell ourselves about things. Whether we're conscious of this or not. Our thoughts & beliefs create the frustration, struggle, stress and more. Sometimes we may not want to acknowledge this, because when we do we can't point the finger anymore. We're responsible. 

For our life.

How we choose to live it. 

Whilst we may not be able to directly change all circumstances in the world and other peoples behaviour. One of our greatest gifts in life is that we have the gift of choice. Choice on what actions we take or don't take. How we choose to respond to things and see situations. 

And this needn't mean an overwhelming list of do's and don'ts, feeling angry with ourselves if we are triggered yet again by a particular person or situation. Or feeling pressure to create big changes out of fear, setting goals looking for perfection as we believe it will bring a sense of belonging, rather than out of love for ourselves and our future.

Choice can simply mean choosing to make most of the simple little things. To really LIVE this life we are living in this human experience. 

For example...

• Stepping outside and breathing deeply rather than take our freedom to do this as granted.
• Observing the beauty of a flower rather than hurriedly pass it by.
• Closing our eyes and feeling the sunshine on our skin rather than think about endless to do lists.
• Hearing the sounds that surround us as individual sounds of a larger orchestra rather than noise.
• Noticing what we say to our self when we reconnect to the beauty of life in this way rather than beat ourselves up.

The list is endless. 

There are many options and choices available. 

Let's start with small, micro actions and experiences. It can be the small and simple things that often are the most powerful and beneficial.

I wonder... how many valuable things can we experience today?

Now I'd love to hear from you: What little blessing do you notice right now in your experience? Let me know in the comment section below. And join us in the online community.

Have a friend that would find this useful? Offer a supportive hand and share this post.

And if you want more information on trainings and how you can transform your life experience using NLP with heart - check out the latest trainings here.

What To Do When You Feel Like Giving Up...

It's an awful feeling. 

I know I've certainly encountered this many times in my life. 

Creeping up, seemingly as if out of nowhere. 

It's in those moments of lack of hope, exhaustion or simply feeling fed up things can feel pretty bleak, numb and lonely. Striving towards things just to experience setback after setback. In fact, we have more influence on what we experience in life than we realise. 

This topic has come up quite a few times with clients.In a society where 'achieving' and 'doing' is seen to be the bees knees, we are simply repeating the school system well into adult life, looking for validation and praise outside of ourselves. Feeling that we need to achieve, succeed and busy ourselves in order to be accepted.

It's when we start accepting ourselves though, wherever we are on our journey that things begin to transform.

The problem is when in the process striving towards a goal, we can feel completely overwhelmed and exhausted if our focus is misplaced. Often we have high expectations of ourselves, comparing our backstage to another's show reel. Remind yourself of this next time you're on social media! ;-)

I've noticed many times when 'trying to control the outcome' behaviour occurs in clients, it's often due to deep seated fears. When we hold high expectations of what we 'should have in our life' judging, pushing and controlling outcomes we're doing so from a place of fear... a fear of UNCERTAINTY, FAILURE and the meanings we attach to them.

We wrongly assume that if we control the situation as much as we can, in as many aspects as we can... that it guarantees the outcome we desire, therefore eliminating the uncertainty. Actually life can be pretty unexpected at times! We also wrongly assume that if we fail... that somehow leads to rejection from others.

Not necessarily the case. 

What actually happens is that by acting out of fear, we are rejecting the true flow of life, we are rejecting ourselves, our whole, perfectly imperfect selves and exhausting ourselves in the process. Sometimes our desire to give up is simply pinpointing our need to see failure and uncertainty in a different light.

FAILURE is simply and opportunity for feedback, a stepping stone to try again from a different angle. The real failure is failing to try again.

UNCERTAINTY is simply an opportunity for new experiences. If everything was certain in life there would be no adventure, no variety, no excitement and no new wonderful surprises.

Click To Tweet: "When we try to control things we simply fear uncertainty & failure... in fact these bring variety, excitement & direction" Emma Bradford 

In NLP we often talk about goal setting, SMART goals, desired outcomes and more. It's great to have something to move towards to challenge ourselves, grow and evolve as a human being. Life can be pretty dull and frustrating if we remain stuck in the same situation day in day out for years. There's a difference though in pushing and controlling out of fear for something to happen... and lovingly working towards things whilst detaching from the specific outcome of how we need to experience something. 

The 3 Main Steps Of Manifesting...

1) We need to ASK, being clear and specific about what we want. No half-hearted wishful thinking here - be clear! Write it down, speak about it using positive language and be specific.

2) We need to BELIEVE that we can have it or better, tapping into our senses, what we will see, hear, feel when we experience that? Often this step is where people struggle... if we don't address the limiting beliefs held both consciously and unconsciously we will find it very hard to manifest what we desire. And when we truly believe that something can happen, we can let go of all needs to control the situation. When we try to control, often that is simply indicating that at some level we are holding a fear/doubt that it may not happen. 

3) We need to be open to RECEIVE what it is that we desire, and this can take action too. Things don't necessarily fall from the sky into out laps (even though I have seen some magical things happen!) we need to take inspired action and meet the Universe (or whatever term you wish to use) halfway. This is where our intuition comes into play. Listen to your gut feeling pulling you towards or away from something... intuition invites us to take inspired action.

There's a difference between wanting with fearful attachment...

"If I don't get this I'm a failure"

Forcing and exhausting ourselves to achieve something VS asking and believing without ties to the specific result and especially how something occurs...

"I desire this or better... I'm open to wonderful new experiences coming my way"

If you have been working towards something recently and feel like giving up, use these next 4 steps I put together to rebuild your foundations.

The 4 W's To Realignment...

1) WHICH emotions are present? Notice how you are feeling, what is within and safely express that ('I feel...' page which you can download HERE can help)

2) WHAT is this feeling and setback teaching you now?  Tap into your curious mindset and ask yourself the meaning of the current situation. How is this setback helping to propel you forward into the life you desire?

3) WHERE is your focus? Are you focusing on where you are not, the lack and fear in life? If so, refocus on what fills you with love, take bite size steps towards your desired outcome. 

4) WHY are you working towards this desired outcome? What is your big 'WHY' behind this... what will it give you? Use this as motivation to continue moving forward.

Now I'd love to hear from you! Is there something you have been working towards and have been struggling to make it a reality? If so, what have you found most useful in this blog post and why?

Have a friend that is struggling at the moment? Send them some love and offer a helping hand by sharing this post. 

If you want FREE NLP coaching and weekly guidance and support, join the online community HERE. 

PLEASE NOTE: Whilst this blog post is mainly addressing the feeling of giving up regarding projects and goals, helplessness can feel awful. If for any reason this is going deeper and you feel suicidal please contact your local support number here. 

Dancing To Success

Yes inspiration and wisdom can sometimes come from the most unexpected sources! I find often its more an attitude; if we are open, receptive and curious we can gain the most valuable insights from what we experience in life. This song below reminds me of my beautiful sister, who was the person that introduced me to my first official 5 Rhythms dance class many years ago. It was from 5 Rhythms that I discovered the power of movement and how it can positively affect our emotions. 

I often talk about the MIND/BODY connection in workshops and meetup practice groups...we know through NLP and many other documented studies over the years that the mind can affect the physical and emotional bodies. What we believe and focus our attention on grows and can alter how we feel both physically and emotionally. 

Don't take my word for it - experience it for yourself! Try focusing the next 15 seconds on a memory where you felt so much excitement, happiness and joy that you were literally jumping for joy and grinning ear to ear. As you breathe into this start to notice what changes with your posture, energy levels and breath etc...your physical and emotional bodies are responding to your thoughts. 

Also through the research of TED speaker Amy Cuddy and many other studies we know that our body can also affect our thoughts and emotions. What postures we hold ourselves in can in turn either create feelings of confidence and high level of self esteem or it can make us feel more introverted and lacking in confidence. Everything is connected. Whether we choose to use this wisdom or not is up to us. 

So if you're starting this year with new goals and you're noticing a few limiting beliefs or fears cropping up, I challenge you this month to use your body alongside other techniques to help propel you to success. 

For example...

You may have the goal to start meditating this year and as you try, you notice limiting beliefs coming up such as 'I cant do it', 'Its boring', 'Its too hard'. 

Challenge those beliefs by finding evidence in your life for the opposite positive belief and/or possible solutions...

'I can do it, I tried a new skill of salsa dancing last year and succeeded'

'There are many different meditation techniques out there, I'll find something fun or an app to get me started'

'If its so hard why are so many people doing it? What will make it easier for me?'

Alongside that use your body and literally 'shake off' any fears or doubts. 

By doing something physical, shaking off any unhelpful emotions, you can then help your mind to 'shake off' the fears and beliefs. Scientifically speaking, the exercise will help raise your levels of Serotonin, Endorphins and Dopamine (the feel good hormones) which in turn help you to feel better about yourself and starting a new goal. It will literally be that kick start to get you going. Not only that, it can also help you to bounce back easily with kindness for yourself if ever you get lost along the way. 

The MIND/BODY connection is a wonderful thing. Next time you you feel resistance, fear, doubts, or anger about a challenge/upsetting situation, use this connection to your advantage. Notice what shifts with your thoughts, emotions and physical body as you do this. 

You don't even need to go to a dance class. Its not about constraining ourselves by learning specific steps*...its about letting go...dancing from within as if no one is watching. And for that, all you need is your body...and maybe a few funky beats ;-)

Try it this month, shake off the fears, shake off the frustration and shake into the success you desire. 

See you on the dance floor! 

*Depending on the type of dance obviously!