Reconnecting With LIFE

For the last few years, each summer I do the same thing.

Social media break for the ENTIRE month. 

To be honest, every time I reconnect after the break, I feel reluctant to start again because it feels so good to switch off!

Not that useful for online business owners, though the good thing is, each time I return my boundaries are firmer, my priorities in life are clearer and moving forward I use social media more and more for work only.

With much of the world online nowadays it can be challenging for businesses, social life and more if we're not connected online. 

 

Especially this year. 

 

Social media has been an easy way to remain connected with loved ones during times of physical distance. It's great for keeping in contact, learning new things and spreading the word.

 

Social media is also designed to attract our attention and fulfil many needs. In fact, it touches upon all 6 of the 6 Basic Human Needs which is why it can be so addictive…

 

• Love and Connection – Connecting and sharing with loved ones 
• Significance – Receiving likes, comments and emojis 
• (Perceived) Certainty – Logging in each time knowing where certain things are, the same icons appear, familiar colours and logos
• Uncertainty (Variety) – Scrolling with new news updates, new emojis and backgrounds to use
• Growth – Learning new things about people and the world
• Contribution – Offering support to others, helping non-profits, providing a service

 

Notice how many social media apps fulfil each of these needs… albeit sometimes in a rather superficial, distant way compared to in person heartfelt connection.

Despite the companies best efforts to capture our attention we can create a healthy balance being mindful of how we use it and how they entice us.

 

It’s possible.

 

Ever wondered why they choose the colour RED for notifications and not another colour? Red is often considered the colour of urgency, enhancing that desire to click quick to find out who has commented or liked or messaged.

Though by being aware of the ‘shadow’ of social media we can place healthy boundaries and decide what usage works for our health and well-being.

Personally, total breaks work really well for me, especially during holiday season. This year reflecting on what I’ve learnt I thought to share some of these insights in case anyone else feels inspired to take a break or wants some tips on how to do it.

 

Benefits…

• I felt more present, observing the beauty around me.
• I had more time for other things… way more time.
• I opened up space to learn from within and from nature.
• I was creating conscious connection... mindfully choosing who and what to enter my energetic field.
• Any residual anxiety from this year’s events reduced significantly.
• Greater stillness, calmness and relief.
• Deeper connection to self, few trusted loved ones, nature and LIFE itself.
• Expanded awareness of past actions and choices.
• Moments of boredom, which were the birthplace for creativity to arise.
• Flexibility, finding other ways to connect with loved ones, find news and spend my time.
• Patience.
• Non attachment.
• My health improved significantly being away from phones and screens.
• Increased satisfaction with the little (BIG) things in life, the gifts that surround us in every moment.
• I felt lighter.
• My attention span increased for other activities or when I simply wanted to BE.

 

And much more…

 

It was interesting, initially I noticed the unconscious habit with my hands automatically searching for app without thinking. A clear sign how ingrained the habit of checking social media had become. This was made easier to break by deleting the relevant apps and reorganising the main screen on my phone.

 

Pattern interrupt.

 

This is what we talk about in NLP – finding ways to interrupt the strategies we have for unwanted habits. Always pressing on the snooze button each morning? I wonder what happens when the alarm is placed in a different location so the unconscious mind doesn’t have it so easy to repeat the same habit?

I also noticed that I can survive perfectly fine, have a social life and continue to learn and grow without my mobile and certain apps on a regular basis. Going mobile free for periods of time is highly beneficial.

 

Mobiles and apps are useful… and there is still REAL LIFE around us too.

 

Life is beyond the screens.

Want to take a break though not sure how to start to make it last?

• Decide which apps you want a break from. Are you prone to scrolling? Or constantly checking messages? A social media break doesn’t mean everything at once – find what works for you.
• Decide on a time frame. You may want a big break like I did or simply for a few days. If you use social media for work pick the best times for you to take a break without affecting your work significantly.
• Social accountability can work wonders for goal setting and support. Each break I take I announce it online for a few reasons…

1. My clients, meetup members and students follow me online so I want them to be aware that during a certain time frame I’ll be responding to emails only.
2. I want to encourage others to take the break if they feel the need.
3. By announcing it online I have created social accountability, therefore if ever I desire to quickly check messages (which rarely happens as it feels so good to switch off) I remind myself that people expect me to be offline during that time so that acts as motivation to stay offline.

• Delete the relevant apps off your phone, reorganise the main screen to interrupt any old habits.
• Find ways to remain connected with loved ones. Social media break doesn’t need to mean being disconnected completely. Arrange that skype call, call a friend, post a letter and keep connected with loved ones you trust and value.
• Start a new hobby, book, puzzle or practice.
• Be mindful of the 6 Basic Human Needs. If social media fulfils many of the 6 basic human needs, being aware of this can be useful in mindfully fulfilling these needs elsewhere in a constructive, healthy way.

 

Have you had a social media break?

What did you learn? I'd love to know.

I’ll be announcing some classes and training's very soon to transform our relationship with emotions and negative self-talk, make sure you’re signed up to my newsletter to receive the updates if you’re taking a social media break!

How To Gain True Life Satisfaction

Life. 

Duality. 

I was reminded of this a few weeks back, celebrating the success of my recent NLP Graduate students - what an awesome group! And the same week hearing news of a friend that unexpectedly passed away. 

On one hand I wanted to jump for joy and celebrate the success of my students... on the other I wanted to cry, grieve - shocked at the sudden news of my friend. 

It was a BIG reminder on how valuable life is, and how we can take it for granted. 

Hours passing by scrolling Facebook or taking the 100th photo for the perfect Instagram selfie. I read a post once by Karly Nimmo who has a two shot rule. She won't take more than two photos - and then one of those gets posted. 

Or perhaps we binge eat, binge watch Netflix, use alcohol or smoking to disconnect from pain we may be feeling.

If endless social media or another vice really fulfills us deeply then by all means we can continue as long as it doesn't harm our health. More often than not it doesn't fulfill us in the long term - if we're really honest with ourselves, we're looking for something else deep down. 

Love, belonging, connection, acceptance, excitement, variety, significance... the list goes on.

It's when we move through challenges, finding insights and learning from those moments that we transform the need to stick a 'Netflix plaster' over how we feel. 

There can be ups and downs. 

Life can bring moments of joy and love... and moments of anger and grief. Much of how we experience things is to do with what stories we tell ourselves about things. Whether we're conscious of this or not. Our thoughts & beliefs create the frustration, struggle, stress and more. Sometimes we may not want to acknowledge this, because when we do we can't point the finger anymore. We're responsible. 

For our life.

How we choose to live it. 

Whilst we may not be able to directly change all circumstances in the world and other peoples behaviour. One of our greatest gifts in life is that we have the gift of choice. Choice on what actions we take or don't take. How we choose to respond to things and see situations. 

And this needn't mean an overwhelming list of do's and don'ts, feeling angry with ourselves if we are triggered yet again by a particular person or situation. Or feeling pressure to create big changes out of fear, setting goals looking for perfection as we believe it will bring a sense of belonging, rather than out of love for ourselves and our future.

Choice can simply mean choosing to make most of the simple little things. To really LIVE this life we are living in this human experience. 

For example...

• Stepping outside and breathing deeply rather than take our freedom to do this as granted.
• Observing the beauty of a flower rather than hurriedly pass it by.
• Closing our eyes and feeling the sunshine on our skin rather than think about endless to do lists.
• Hearing the sounds that surround us as individual sounds of a larger orchestra rather than noise.
• Noticing what we say to our self when we reconnect to the beauty of life in this way rather than beat ourselves up.

The list is endless. 

There are many options and choices available. 

Let's start with small, micro actions and experiences. It can be the small and simple things that often are the most powerful and beneficial.

I wonder... how many valuable things can we experience today?

Now I'd love to hear from you: What little blessing do you notice right now in your experience? Let me know in the comment section below. And join us in the online community.

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And if you want more information on trainings and how you can transform your life experience using NLP with heart - check out the latest trainings here.

How One Post-It Note Propelled Me Into Change...

It's of the biggest lessons I've learnt in life.

That no matter how bleak a situation may seem. There is always one thing that remains.

Choice. There are many options in life and often we forget how many are available to us. Not only that, also we're the ones in control whether we're aware or not. 

NLP has been a loving 'kick up the backside' and reminder for me many times whenever I've felt like a victim. And yes being a victim is more common than we think...

Finding every excuse and reason why...

• We can't do something - even though we know we'd benefit by doing it.
• We need to hold onto a problem, remaining focused on the problem not open to considering different perspectives.
• We're not to blame and the other person or outside force is and they have inflicted us (this includes blaming the government for how we feel!)
• We need to hold onto a grudge... even if it's something from years ago (move on, for your sake and if you need help letting go check out this previous blog post). 
• We need sympathy from others believing that life always throws us the worst.
• Everyone else is better than us or has what we want and lack.
• We don't deserve good things, yet other people do.
• We always have such bad luck or always fall ill. 
• We need to use the phrases 'If only I had done___x, y, z___' - self blame is also being a victim!
• And much more...

So how does NLP shake us out of this? 

If we create our emotions through our thoughts, behaviour, lifestyle etc then nobody can force us to feel a certain way. It may feel like they can, though we are the ones attaching meaning to that situation and influencing how we feel no matter how uncomfortable that might be to hear. 

And if we're creating how we feel surely we can create a different response right? 

Yes! And this is where NLP (or any other method that works with the unconscious mind) comes in handy. It helps us to let go of emotional triggers and consciously create how we wish to feel.

First, let's be clear...

To have the occasional moan means we're human. No need to beat ourselves up. Though to remain stuck in a victim mentality, using any of the above list on a regular basis keeps us dis-empowered, stuck and in a state of lack and fear. 

Not to mention pretty miserable. 

The easy option is to blame. The happier option is to accept personal responsibility for our life and empower ourselves into the life we desire. If we desire change we need to take inspired action and influence what we can... ourselves and how we respond to things. 

One thing that can help is observing what we're really looking for. Our behaviour is a clear indication of what is going on unconsciously - some say our unconscious mind controls more than 95% of our behaviour! By observing our behaviour we can gain an idea of what our unconscious wants. Quite often with victim behaviour, it's a desire to feel loved with a sense of belonging. If you catch yourself doing any of the above behaviours ask yourself this...

1) What am I really looking for? 

2) And how can I generate some of this myself? 

For example, if we're looking for love, we can find ways to connect to that feeling rather than expecting others on a daily basis to generate that for us. Because that's how we experience love - it's a feeling and there are many ways to create how you feel. Loving words, thoughts, sights, sounds, smells, environments etc that don't solely depend on other people. 

Click To Tweet: "The easy option is to blame, the happier option is to create a change" Emma Bradford

Try this... 

In the past if I wanted to make changes, bring something new into my life and felt resistance cropping up... I would write the following words on a post-it note and place it somewhere I could see it everyday.

Option 1: Stay the same 

Option 2: Make a change

That reminder, noticing what life would be like if I remained the in the same situation for years and years, along with removing any necessary limiting beliefs and inner conflicts, meant desired experiences were a lot easier to bring into my life. 

And when I say make a change, it's about aligning ourselves with our authentic self, so we can receive what we truly desire, re-framing situations so they no longer bother us and seeing things from another perspective. 

When we remove limiting beliefs its as if the glasses we wear become a little sharper, a few scratches removed so we can see things with a clearer perspective. It's about remembering who we truly are, letting go of all the false beliefs of 'not being good enough' we may have picked up along the way.

Because you are, absolutely good enough, without a doubt to experience the life you desire.

Use this as a reminder.

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If you'd like more support in removing unconscious blocks and letting go of those emotional triggers contact me on info@emmabradford.net for 1:1 empowerment sessions - available worldwide. 

Also last chance for the EXCLUSIVE transformational Menorca retreat 26-28th May 2017. Closing date 15th April! More info here. 

7 Life Lessons I've Learned from NLP...

The last 4 and a half years have been a HUGE journey. 

I have laughed, cried, and found meaning to seemingly hopeless situations. Walked barefoot over hot coals, and completely changed the direction of my life. 

It's not been easy.  

And there were many times I felt like giving up.

Though, through perseverance and by using NLP professionally to help others on a regular basis, my whole world has expanded.

Years ago, when I first stepped into that training room on day one, nervously anticipating what would come... little did I know how far this journey would take me. 

And I'm not necessarily talking about achievements either. 

I was completely unaware how far it would take me into a deeper understanding and awareness of myself and others. 

Among all the insights since becoming a NLP Coach, there are a few key things I discovered along the way. Mostly through trial and error... and a few unfortunate circumstances.

For your benefit, I've translated these insights into Life Lessons so it's applicable to everyone, as not everyone want's to be a Coach... it's a tough job at times!


7 Life Lessons...

1) THERE IS ALWAYS A CHOICE: 
People will change if they really want to change, and if they don't desire that change, don't force it. 

I learnt this the hard way and now know to respect loved ones personal choice. Whilst I market my work online (I feel it's my duty to do so, to keep it accessible if people are interested and in need of support), I just now place it in a common space where people can choose to connect if they want to know more. With friends and family I talk about what I'm passionate about though I steer clear if I sense they're are not interested. 

This is true too for coaching clients... there is no point doing sessions if a client doesn't want to put in some input and experience the change!

We also have a choice on how we live our life and respond to situations. We can choose to take action, accept personal responsibility for our life, or choose to continue living a dis-empowered life blaming others for our misfortunes. 

It's our choice.

Life Lesson: In every situation, even if  you initially feel otherwise, you have a choice on how you live your life and how you respond to events.

2) TAP INTO YOUR INNER STRENGTH: 
We are so resilient, more than we know, and NLP as much as anything has been a tool to remember this. To clear away the cobwebs and 'see' what is really within. A huge potential, spark and light within each and everyone of us. It's a series of tools and techniques to remember who we truly are.

In challenging moments, ask yourself... 

'Am I focusing on the problem? Or what I can do about it?' 

'Am I focused on failures, inner critic and imperfections? Or am I focused on my strengths and resources within?'

Life Lesson: You are more than a million times better, stronger, and lovable than you think. Focus on your strengths and solutions will appear. 

3) DISCOVER THE DEEPER UNDERSTANDING: 
Your external world is a reflection of your inner world. Clients can be excellent mirrors in that sense however it is VITAL in being the best Coach that you continue working on yourself so not to project 'your stuff' onto them. Personally, by looking deeper within over the years I finally understood the 'why' behind fears and beliefs I used to hold, almost like a light bulb being switched on in a dark room... now everything is clear about any pain and suffering I endured.

Life Lesson: Every single moment, no matter how painful is an opportunity to gain deeper understanding about ourselves and others... and through this understanding comes healing.

4) START BEFORE YOU'RE READY: 
Becoming a NLP Coach, has taught me to be courageous. To step out of my comfort zone and to start before I felt ready. I remember during the first few practice sessions with case studies years ago, I was terrified. Hearing an endless spew from my Inner Critic on why 'I wasn't good enough' which really was only trying to keep me within my comfort zone, safe and protected out of fear of rejection and danger.

Looking back I am so glad I made the conscious choice to continue regardless. Often when we experience the doing of something, that very process builds confidence in the said activity. 

Life Lesson: If you wait until you feel ready, even if its something you really want to do, not only do you miss out on a great learning experience, other people miss out too. 

Tweet this: "If you wait until you feel ready, not only are you missing out on great gifts, others miss out too" Emma Bradford #StartBeforeYou'reReady

5) ENGAGE IN ACTIVITY: 
I can't count how many times I have met individuals who have done NLP qualifications (or other for that matter), proudly stating who they studied with... yet still fail to grasp the number 1 key of NLP. 

It doesn't give you the desired shifts if you don't use it! 

If you want to experience shifts, start attending practice evenings like the one HERE in Barcelona, find a Coach or practice the techniques yourself... and keep going until you achieve the results you want. 

Knowledge is useful, though wisdom through experiencing it first hand is priceless.

Life Lesson: There's no failure... only feedback. Use what you learn and keep going, try different practical approaches until you get the results you want. You are closer than you think.

6) BE A MAGPIE: 
This phrase always makes me giggle. A late University teacher once told me this, as I was starting out my Textile Design training many years ago before I chose my current path. To be a great Artist or Designer, you need to be observant. 

Inspiration is everywhere. 

In other words... "Be a Magpie looking for those shiny objects" he said. 

NLP is an ongoing learning curve. Being a Master Practitioner doesn't mean that you have mastered everything and cease to learn... in my eyes it simply means that you have mastered the art of being connected to that curious mindset. 'I wonder what is really going on here', discovering the deeper meaning as I previously mentioned... and being open to learning more, expanding on techniques and related topics both for yourself and your clients.

Life Lesson: It's out there... if you look for it, you can find it.


7) NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE MIND: 
That grey matter inside your skull is one of the most powerful tools you have. I always knew the mind had a huge influence on our lives, though after my trainings and experiencing this first hand both through Firewalk's, healing small physical ailments and much more... I can now see I hugely underestimated the value of my mind before. Our beliefs and mindset play a huge role in our life experience. 

If you say to yourself repeatedly 'I'm bad, I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm not worthy...' how does your body respond? Often muscles start to tense and we adopt a body posture that closes in and withdraws. 

Whereas if we were to state the opposite 'I'm good, I'm intelligent, I'm beautiful, I'm worthy...' how does your body react differently? Do you notice an increased sense of lightness, ease in breath or feel more relaxed? Or perhaps you may notice your body posture starting to open up?

These changes can be subtle at first, though by trying this out you can literally feel the results of how your mind can affect your physical reality. 

Life Lesson: The mind has more influence on our life experience than many can imagine. The grass is greener where you water it! 

Now its your turn... using the comment section below, which of these 7 Life Lessons most resonated with you most and why? I'd love to hear your shares and perhaps your share can help inspire others too.

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