How To Make Peace With Change & Find Comfort That Heals

How do we respond to uncertain times?

With fear? Anxiety? Anger? Or perhaps we're calm, optimistic and open to change?

Uncertainty (variety) is one of the 6 Basic Human Needs according to Tony Robbins...

1) Love & Belonging

2) Significance

3) Certainty

4) Uncertainty (Variety)

5) Growth

6) Contribution

To have a feeling of uncertainty in life is essential so we don't feel bored. Imagine what it would be like if we knew exactly what will happen every minute, every day of our lives before it happens. I don't know about you, I'd certainty crave some uncertainty just to add some variety in life!

Each individual has their own personal preference, some crave lots of uncertainty, going with the flow and unexpected surprises. Whilst others prefer more certainty in the form of routines, organisation and predictability. When we experience too much certainty for our preference, life can become a bit dull, and when we experience too much uncertainty for our liking, this can trigger higher levels of anxiety.

Each individual has their own threshold.

In my work over the last 5 years I noticed that when high levels of uncertainty were present in clients lives this was a common trigger to reach for comfort food... looking for a feeling of comfort when anxiety levels rose high.

Sometimes we might not even realise that we are affected by uncertainty... yet we can gain deep insights into what is going on unconsciously by looking at our behaviour. Our behaviour is a great insight into what thoughts, emotions, beliefs and values are in play at a deep unconscious level. Are we responding angrily to a change of plan (I know I have at times before!), are we experiencing anxiety bubbling up within? Or perhaps we're in a state of fear... what may or may not happen... worries playing on loop within our mind. 

Habitually many human beings are creatures of comfort, not wanting to move out of the comfort zone, our familiar surroundings and if anything pushes us out of it it can trigger more uncertainty in our lives sometimes leading to overwhelm and anxiety. 

The thing is, life is constantly moving and changing. 

Life IS change. 

We cannot avoid uncertain times completely. There will be moments when unexpected events occur in life.. so how about we make peace with change instead?

Click To Tweet: "Constructive comfort vs destructive comfort... there's a difference" Emma Bradford

How To Make Peace With Change...

These following 3 steps are not the only ones out there in the world of self-awareness, though these steps can be a wonderful starting point to shifting our perspective...

1) ACKNOWLEDGE: First of all, what are we currently thinking and feeling about uncertainty and change? What does it mean for us if uncertainty and change are present?

Are we fearing the worst case scenario? 

Fear of losing what we currently have? 

Angry that things have changed? 

Anxious of what may or may not happen?

2) SHIFT THE PERSPECTIVE: We can start transforming things by challenging the Limiting Belief and acknowledging the emotions.

For example... if we believe that change is painful or difficult, then perhaps we might resist change to avoid pain. Whereas looking at things from a different perspective... perhaps it isn't the change that causes the pain, just our resistance to it that does?

We can notice beliefs as they pop up and challenge them by asking ourselves this question... 'What else could this behaviour mean? What haven't I noticed yet?'

Simply by shifting the perspective we can create a profound shift in how we feel... after all thoughts can create emotions. For more on how to shift emotions specifically join the Facebook community here.

3) CONSTRUCTIVE COMFORT vs DESTRUCTIVE COMFORT: Comfort is not a bad thing, we can absolutely benefit from downtime and an extra boost of oxytocin filled hug. What is unhelpful though, is when we use unhealthy vices to give us that feeling of 'comfort' on a regular basis. Often this can come in the form of food, alcohol and social media scrolling etc.

So the beneficial question to ask ourselves is how do I find comfort and is this constructively helping me both in the short and long term?

For example... if I'm going through a challenging time and I find myself scrolling too long on social media... I'm simply looking for looking for a form of comfort, a distraction from the challenging situation. This isn't necessarily helpful in large periods of time both short and long term so we could say it's a form of Destructive Comfort.

On the other hand, if I'm going through a challenging time and I meet up with a friend to chat about the situation this can be considered as a form of Constructive Comfort as not only can talking with a loved one be comforting, it can also support us in understanding whatever situation we're in and gain clarity on our next chosen steps of action.

Are we constructively finding comfort or are we tapping into destructive comfort seeking patterns? And if the later, what can we start doing to transform that?

Time for change, don't you think?

I'd love to hear from you... what actions of constructive comfort help you? Let me know in the comment section below.

Have friends going through a challenging time? Share this post and help to spread the love even further.

For more information on 1:1 coaching, Wholehearted NLP Trainings, FREE resources and more... check out www.emmabradford.net

7 Life Lessons I've Learned from NLP...

The last 4 and a half years have been a HUGE journey. 

I have laughed, cried, and found meaning to seemingly hopeless situations. Walked barefoot over hot coals, and completely changed the direction of my life. 

It's not been easy.  

And there were many times I felt like giving up.

Though, through perseverance and by using NLP professionally to help others on a regular basis, my whole world has expanded.

Years ago, when I first stepped into that training room on day one, nervously anticipating what would come... little did I know how far this journey would take me. 

And I'm not necessarily talking about achievements either. 

I was completely unaware how far it would take me into a deeper understanding and awareness of myself and others. 

Among all the insights since becoming a NLP Coach, there are a few key things I discovered along the way. Mostly through trial and error... and a few unfortunate circumstances.

For your benefit, I've translated these insights into Life Lessons so it's applicable to everyone, as not everyone want's to be a Coach... it's a tough job at times!


7 Life Lessons...

1) THERE IS ALWAYS A CHOICE: 
People will change if they really want to change, and if they don't desire that change, don't force it. 

I learnt this the hard way and now know to respect loved ones personal choice. Whilst I market my work online (I feel it's my duty to do so, to keep it accessible if people are interested and in need of support), I just now place it in a common space where people can choose to connect if they want to know more. With friends and family I talk about what I'm passionate about though I steer clear if I sense they're are not interested. 

This is true too for coaching clients... there is no point doing sessions if a client doesn't want to put in some input and experience the change!

We also have a choice on how we live our life and respond to situations. We can choose to take action, accept personal responsibility for our life, or choose to continue living a dis-empowered life blaming others for our misfortunes. 

It's our choice.

Life Lesson: In every situation, even if  you initially feel otherwise, you have a choice on how you live your life and how you respond to events.

2) TAP INTO YOUR INNER STRENGTH: 
We are so resilient, more than we know, and NLP as much as anything has been a tool to remember this. To clear away the cobwebs and 'see' what is really within. A huge potential, spark and light within each and everyone of us. It's a series of tools and techniques to remember who we truly are.

In challenging moments, ask yourself... 

'Am I focusing on the problem? Or what I can do about it?' 

'Am I focused on failures, inner critic and imperfections? Or am I focused on my strengths and resources within?'

Life Lesson: You are more than a million times better, stronger, and lovable than you think. Focus on your strengths and solutions will appear. 

3) DISCOVER THE DEEPER UNDERSTANDING: 
Your external world is a reflection of your inner world. Clients can be excellent mirrors in that sense however it is VITAL in being the best Coach that you continue working on yourself so not to project 'your stuff' onto them. Personally, by looking deeper within over the years I finally understood the 'why' behind fears and beliefs I used to hold, almost like a light bulb being switched on in a dark room... now everything is clear about any pain and suffering I endured.

Life Lesson: Every single moment, no matter how painful is an opportunity to gain deeper understanding about ourselves and others... and through this understanding comes healing.

4) START BEFORE YOU'RE READY: 
Becoming a NLP Coach, has taught me to be courageous. To step out of my comfort zone and to start before I felt ready. I remember during the first few practice sessions with case studies years ago, I was terrified. Hearing an endless spew from my Inner Critic on why 'I wasn't good enough' which really was only trying to keep me within my comfort zone, safe and protected out of fear of rejection and danger.

Looking back I am so glad I made the conscious choice to continue regardless. Often when we experience the doing of something, that very process builds confidence in the said activity. 

Life Lesson: If you wait until you feel ready, even if its something you really want to do, not only do you miss out on a great learning experience, other people miss out too. 

Tweet this: "If you wait until you feel ready, not only are you missing out on great gifts, others miss out too" Emma Bradford #StartBeforeYou'reReady

5) ENGAGE IN ACTIVITY: 
I can't count how many times I have met individuals who have done NLP qualifications (or other for that matter), proudly stating who they studied with... yet still fail to grasp the number 1 key of NLP. 

It doesn't give you the desired shifts if you don't use it! 

If you want to experience shifts, start attending practice evenings like the one HERE in Barcelona, find a Coach or practice the techniques yourself... and keep going until you achieve the results you want. 

Knowledge is useful, though wisdom through experiencing it first hand is priceless.

Life Lesson: There's no failure... only feedback. Use what you learn and keep going, try different practical approaches until you get the results you want. You are closer than you think.

6) BE A MAGPIE: 
This phrase always makes me giggle. A late University teacher once told me this, as I was starting out my Textile Design training many years ago before I chose my current path. To be a great Artist or Designer, you need to be observant. 

Inspiration is everywhere. 

In other words... "Be a Magpie looking for those shiny objects" he said. 

NLP is an ongoing learning curve. Being a Master Practitioner doesn't mean that you have mastered everything and cease to learn... in my eyes it simply means that you have mastered the art of being connected to that curious mindset. 'I wonder what is really going on here', discovering the deeper meaning as I previously mentioned... and being open to learning more, expanding on techniques and related topics both for yourself and your clients.

Life Lesson: It's out there... if you look for it, you can find it.


7) NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE MIND: 
That grey matter inside your skull is one of the most powerful tools you have. I always knew the mind had a huge influence on our lives, though after my trainings and experiencing this first hand both through Firewalk's, healing small physical ailments and much more... I can now see I hugely underestimated the value of my mind before. Our beliefs and mindset play a huge role in our life experience. 

If you say to yourself repeatedly 'I'm bad, I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm not worthy...' how does your body respond? Often muscles start to tense and we adopt a body posture that closes in and withdraws. 

Whereas if we were to state the opposite 'I'm good, I'm intelligent, I'm beautiful, I'm worthy...' how does your body react differently? Do you notice an increased sense of lightness, ease in breath or feel more relaxed? Or perhaps you may notice your body posture starting to open up?

These changes can be subtle at first, though by trying this out you can literally feel the results of how your mind can affect your physical reality. 

Life Lesson: The mind has more influence on our life experience than many can imagine. The grass is greener where you water it! 

Now its your turn... using the comment section below, which of these 7 Life Lessons most resonated with you most and why? I'd love to hear your shares and perhaps your share can help inspire others too.

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