Tuesday, 22 May 2018

The Experience That Changed Everything... Where Wholehearted NLP Really Comes From

Things don't always make sense.

Many times amidst the confusion, lies an invitation for us to find the clarity deep within the experience... if we dare to step into the truth of it. Outer facades dropping to reveal what really lies within. 

Intuition sometimes works in this way, pulling us towards or away from something without the initial clarity as to WHY we feel that way.

Few years ago I felt a strong pull towards Menorca - especially to a particular part of the island. When I arrived, I met a local and we connected straight away. This time it was different, I felt a strong need to talk to this person, almost as if it was a knowing, a 100% certainty even though I was initially unsure why.

We kept in regular contact after that first meeting, the intuitive pull remained strong. I thought I had met a life partner, whereas the true intuitive message would soon appear as something completely different

This person, at an unconscious level, was about to teach me one of my greatest lessons in life. One that would completely transform my work, my outlook on life and so much more. I had no idea at the time of meeting - neither did they. I just knew, for some reason we were being placed together.

Ever since I can remember I’ve been an optimistic person naturally able to re-frame events. Supporting friend's in need, I literally felt their pain and desperately wanted them to feel better. Naturally this developed into my profession too.

I find it easy to focus on the light, all things positive. It allows me to see and remind clients of their true potential when they’ve lost all hope. 

I’d learnt like many to ignore my emotions growing up - a way of survival from a young age. Long term, that behaviour was actually doing me more harm than good. Looking back now I can see how out of balance I was.

By only acknowledging the lighter side of things... we can never fully experience wholehearted self-acceptance.

Back home on the beach I watched the waves eating their way across the shore, observing the wet stones glistening in the sand. One caught my attention; it was a beautiful oval, grey, sparkly stone, which reminded me of this person. I bent down to pick it up when a huge wave came. As the wave retreated the stone was gone. Disappointed, I looked around though it was nowhere to be found. Still thinking of that person, another stone caught my eye in the same spot. Little did I know then what this beautiful heart shaped stone would truly represent.

Listening to my gut instinct, I took another trip to Menorca a few months later. There was a moment on this trip where everything clicked into place, certain conversations and the realisation that this person was not for me in the sense I initially thought. The expectation bubble was brutally burst. Painful at first until I realised they were coming into my life as one of my greatest teachers, in the moment I needed it most. 

A perfect mirror to face my shadow parts (parts we hide, dislike, avoid, suppress) and see them with love.

There, I saw a parent holding their sobbing child... eyes closed, with a loving calm breath, embracing the hurt with 100% presence. Later to ask the child, ‘what did you learn here for next time?’ 

I realised deep within THIS is how we need to embrace painful emotions within ourselves. Not run from them as I had spent a lifetime doing.

Looking at my stone, its meaning became so clear and what this whole experience was about.

It represents the light and dark within everyone. The importance of embracing our whole selves,  especially the shadow parts.

We can ask ourselves...

“I notice ___(observe feelings)___, it's ok, everyone has felt that at some point in their life, wonder what I can learn here?"

It’s human nature to move away from suffering and often we seek comfort from alcohol, food, unhelpful habits etc. Remember these only give us short lived pleasure, when in reality long lasting happiness is desired. And embracing all parts of ourselves, both light and shadow with love is creating even deeper wholehearted, self-acceptance.

My intuition had led me into the greatest love story - and not the one I initially expected. The longer I held onto expectations the more painful it became. It was when I let go and realised the true message of the experience, things transformed into an even greater love story... with my whole self. 

Thanks to that experience, I now teach Wholehearted NLP, using NLP to find the gifts within the shadow.

Thanks to that experience I'm discovering the gifts ALL emotions can offer. 

Thanks to that experience I'm continuing to learn and acknowledge both the light and shadow, within myself, within others and society.

Thanks to that experience my outlook on my work, life and self has completely transformed, for the better.

Is it all rainbows and unicorns now? 

Absolutely not. It's a daily practice of choosing integration and sometimes it's easier than others. I was clueless of what that intuitive pull was really signifying at the beginning, and this time I found out because I decided to follow the trail of clues. Clues being that pull, towards something, a curiosity to learn more, know more, experience more.

Intuition means 'inspired tuition'. Note the word TUITION. It's only tuition if we don't act on it. When we act on it, that's when can transform into an insightful and useful experience.

It's also important to note that an intuitive gut feeling can differ from person to person how we experience it. I can only speak from personal experience and my experience may differ to another persons experience. 

Pay attention, notice... look back over past events when you 'knew' something was off, not quite right or you needed to do something. 

What were the signs? 
How did you know? 
What's the common thread when you look back over several different events? 
Any similarities in how you 'knew'?

Awareness of this can pin-point how our intuition communicates with us. 

We're all different. 

My intuition can be both an overwhelming happy YES feeling to a subtle, constant pull or push. I know it's my intuition when if I haven't acted upon it, it appears again, and again, and again... that prodding as if to say 'go on'. On the other hand, if I get a sudden overwhelming desire or fear popping up that ceases to reappear again - even if I haven't acted on it - then I know often it wasn't really my intuition. 

Putting it into practice...

What are you being drawn to at the moment? (And no, I don't mean a quick desire for comfort food or alcohol. I'm talking about a sensation within, a gut feeling, a pull towards or away from something).

What does this feeling wish to communicate? 

I wonder, what gifts you'll encounter when you act on that loving message?

Have a friend that would find this useful? Share this with them spreading the love further. 

Want more? FREE resources, events, online community etc all on my website www.emmabradford.net

Monday, 23 April 2018

My Wake Up Call... And It's Message

"I'm done conforming" I said to myself.

Following every 'Must Have Steps On How To Reach 6 Figures In Your Coaching Business' never really resonated with me. At times I felt guilty in the past for not taking part as I felt I 'should' be doing it because it was the seen thing to do.

"That's what all coaches do right? Doing __x__ training, __y__ program, __z__ social media tactic... so I need to do that too".

Yet some of it felt forced, rigid and even sneaky... (don't even get me started on Instagram following tactics). So I stepped away and felt set apart at times for doing so. 

You have to post in ____ way, every day.
Have to do __x__, __y__ and __z__ to gain followers  
You have to document all your life on social media stories everyday
Have to... must do... should do... etc.

The list grew longer and longer.

I'm good at being consistent with blog posts, social media updates, online community commitments, meetups, workshops etc. My Taurus determination has got me where I am today. I also noticed this Spring I needed a little more balance, running my business according to what resonates with me only without the guilt. 

A while ago I felt low in energy, having spent years behind a computer working hard to spread the message about Wholehearted NLP and offer support to those seeking it. Carrying the business solo - accounts, publicity, creation, coaching, training, admin... everything... single handed. 

Then I had a wake up call. Life slapped me in the face and brought me to my senses. 

My health was stretched from the pressure I was putting on myself and a friend left the Earthly plane. Success took on a whole new meaning. Talking about this with a dear friend at a house party afterwards... I explained to her how I forgot about the true meaning of success in life and what's truly valuable.

Friends, family and health.

So I postponed all my events for a whole month, looked within and step by step started making necessary changes in my life.

A) RECONNECT TO THE BODY: I reconnected to my senses even more, getting out of my head and into my body. Attending regular yoga classes, dancing more around the house to my favourite music, appreciating my body with gratitude.

B) PRIORITISE VALUES: I started prioritising time with family even more, and catching up with friends because that's something I value. Life is too short not to acknowledge what we value.

C) TIME-OUT TO RELAX: I started taking time out from work, choosing to post social media updates ONLY when I really wanted to and felt I had something worth sharing. 

I love my job, I feel passionate about spreading the message of finding gifts within the shadow and supporting individuals through that. Looking back I can see it was another layer to shed in realigning myself with what resonates in terms of how I manage my work/life balance.

To step a little further out of the rigidity and a little more into the fluidity.

So I decided upon a new work manifesto...

1) To post work based social media updates ONLY when I feel called to share an important message or valuable event. Bringing authenticity even more to the forefront of my work at ALL levels.

This doesn't mean to say to go for months without connecting with my community or that certain tips to gain publicity or out smart social media algorithms are unnecessary or even bad. If we value our community and have a message that can offer service and benefit, being present and learning useful tips can be a smart thing to do so the message actually gets seen. It's about using ONLY what resonates and leaving the rest. Using ONLY what feels authentic to us and letting go of what others may be doing if doesn't speak to us.

2) Listen to my intuition... when I need to step back and say no and when something is calling my attention.

Is it a complete 'yes!'? If not... then most often it's not the best choice for me, my business and clients so I won't go ahead.

3) Prioritise creative, relaxing, regeneration time out from work, as not only does this fuel work successes to come, it also contributes to true success in LIFE.

I share this openly because I feel it's important to keep bursting the bubble that all teachers are perfect and free from challenges - a common misconception, especially in the coaching/NLP world. Yes I've learnt some incredibly useful life changing tools over the years, and yes I've overcome many challenges too. This has helped me really understand clients deeply and guide them to their inner knowing during challenging life situations. Re-frame past events, rewrite the story within their unconscious and reconnect them to their true self within.

And just like any teacher... I'm human too.

A recent trip took me into the depths of the beautiful Cotswold's, in the UK with dear friends. A week away to unwind, laugh and explore. I remember before the trip, someone on social media commenting... "a whole week?! What will your clients do?!" I thought they were joking at first. Turned out they were serious and concerned for my clients well-fare if I was unavailable for a few days.

The old me would of felt guilty taking time out, questioning my actions and perhaps even slotted in a non-urgent hours of work during the trip, even if it could wait.

The new me wasn't having any of it. 

Knowing full well my clients and business were going to benefit so much more by having a re-energised, grounded and centred coach, not to mention allowing me to feel more human again by creating a more harmonious work/life balance. Hey, I even postponed a Facebook live... something I would have never done before as commitment and consistency are BIG for me. Though I knew, deep within I needed a switch off from the online work world. 

And you know what? It worked.

My energy built up with strength and I felt inspiration growing again within. Something I thought was disappearing... in reality it was simply waiting to be found again.

To find MYSELF again.

I felt tired back then because I was disconnected from my energy.
I felt lacking in inspiration back then because I was disconnected from my intuition.

The energy and intuition are within and around us... they ARE us. It's all about reconnecting to OURSELVES. 

Because we are, whether we chose to realise it or not, the staring role in our life. There are no back ups, covers waiting to fill in behind the curtains.

It's us, this life, and our choices.

If you've been feeling tired with life's challenges and commitments recently ask yourself this... who am I living my life for? 

And how do I choose to live it from now on? 

Now I'd love to hear from you! Reflecting on this, what one change do you feel called to make in your life to really embrace and LIVE life fully? And when will you do that? Let me know in the comment section below.

Have a friend needing a gentle nudge forward into fully embracing life? Offer a helping hand and forward this post. 

For more information on Training's, Workshops, Classes & 1:1 Coaching visit www.emmabradford.net 

Tuesday, 20 March 2018

7 Reasons Why We Don't Do What's Good For Us... And How To Change It

  • Meditation,
  • Gratitude Lists,
  • Exercise,
  • Morning Routines,
  • Journaling,
  • Affirmations,
  • Healthy Organic Food
  • Etc...the list goes on.
Anyone else felt overwhelmed at times with the endless to do list of what we 'should' do to live a healthy and fulfilled life? 

I certainly have. 

Sometimes it can feel like a full time job doing everything that we need to to care for ourselves. The lists can be extensive, and even with small simple things there can be times where self-sabotage kicks in. We know what we need for a healthier, happier life, so why do we find it so hard to actually bring it into practice?

"I know I should meditate but I just can't seem to keep it going! What's wrong with me?!"
"I can't seem to stick to it... I was doing so well and now I'm back to square one"

Common phrases from clients. It's frustrating I know, I've been there many times too. 

As far as I know, there are 7 main reasons why we don't do what we know deep within we need to do for a happy and healthy life. 

1) Not addressing beliefs & emotions within the conscious/unconscious mind.

- Fears about change and/or negative beliefs about uncertainty and change

- Limiting beliefs about the new outcome, for example if loosing weight is the desired outcome there could be underlying beliefs and fears such as... "If I'm thin I'll attract unwanted attention (staying overweight to protect self)"

Creating Change...

What do I believe about change itself? What does change and uncertainty mean to me?
What do I believe about achieving __(desired outcome)__? 

Notice if any limiting beliefs arise and challenge them by re-framing the statement - what else could this mean?

For example: It's not whether I'm overweight or skinny that I attract unwanted attention... it's more to do with my beliefs about it that can attract uncomfortable experiences.

2) Being unaware of the secondary gain of current behaviour and situation where we're searching for something unconsciously. 

If we don't acknowledge our authentic desires this is where self-sabotaging/yo-yo behaviour can kick in. For example, if we want to relax, unwind yet have feelings of obligation, too many activities from work, commitments in our life along with a hidden drive of wanting to BE and relax rather than do... then can come the behaviour of sitting in front of the TV rather than exercising! As many say up to 95% or more of our behaviour is controlled by our unconscious mind. 

Creating Change...

What is the hidden positive intention here? What am I really looking for? 
How can I fulfil this AND do activities that fulfil my health and well-being too? 

3) Using negative, pressuring internal dialogue such as 'I have to/should do/must do...' rather than 'I will/can/want to...'. 

I don't know about you, I certainly don't feel motivated when I order myself to do something - I turn the other way!

Creating Change...

How am I talking and thinking about __x__? 
How can I change that so it becomes even more compelling and exciting so I want to do it? 

4) Being focused on instant pleasure rather than long term happiness. 

Bringing our focus on the task rather than the benefit is very common. When we do this, it can often demotivate us rather than motivate us.

Creating Change...

What is the big WHY in doing ___x___?
How will I benefit now and in the long term by doing ___x___?

5) Allowing our emotional state to remain dropped down and stuck... therefore less motivation. Our emotional state is KEY to how motivated we feel about things. 

Creating Change...

What music inspires, energises and uplifts me?
What puts a smile on my face? 
How can I use these to motivate me to do ___x___?

6) Creating to do lists from only one level - the mind.

Rather than acknowledging our body's capacity to physically carry out only a certain number of tasks out compared to how many the mind can actually think about. The mind is quick and has no limitations on time, whereas to physically do tasks throughout the day can take more time than to think about it. More about the Mind/Body list here.

Creating Change...

What 1 or 2 well-being tasks will I focus on solely that will bring me the greatest amount of joy, satisfaction and benefits? 

7) Feeling uncomfortable moving out of the comfort zone. 

To do something new, means shifting the energy in that moment and moving out of the comfort zone can feel... err at times... uncomfortable! What we're noticing is simply the shift in vibration from one situation to another. It's the initial step that is the biggest shift. 

There have been many articles talking about the Japanese technique to get things done by only doing 5 minutes of an activity. By doing so, once we've started, often we'll continue because we've already achieved that initial hurdle. 

Creating Change...

The previous points above plus social accountability can help take this first step. 

"If I notice awkward feelings about changing a pattern of behaviour even if it's something for my health and well-being, often I'm simply noticing the shift in energy in moving out of the comfort zone. The more I repeat the action of giving that activity a go, the more comfortable I can feel with the new behaviour"

So now over to you...

Looking back, is there something that you know you can benefit from yet you've been struggling to do it up until now? 

Which of the 7 above reasons resonated most and why? 

What will you do differently this week to create that change? Schedule in your diary now to make that even more of a reality. 

Have a friend that could benefit from this? Offer them a helping hand by sharing this post. 

And if you want more information on NLP Trainings, FREE Online Community, FREE resources and 1:1 sessions click here. 

Saturday, 24 February 2018

How To Gain True Life Satisfaction



I was reminded of this a few weeks back, celebrating the success of my recent NLP Graduate students - what an awesome group! And the same week hearing news of a friend that unexpectedly passed away. 

On one hand I wanted to jump for joy and celebrate the success of my students... on the other I wanted to cry, grieve - shocked at the sudden news of my friend. 

It was a BIG reminder on how valuable life is, and how we can take it for granted. 

Hours passing by scrolling Facebook or taking the 100th photo for the perfect Instagram selfie. I read a post once by Karly Nimmo who has a two shot rule. She won't take more than two photos - and then one of those gets posted. 

Or perhaps we binge eat, binge watch Netflix, use alcohol or smoking to disconnect from pain we may be feeling.

If endless social media or another vice really fulfills us deeply then by all means we can continue as long as it doesn't harm our health. More often than not it doesn't fulfill us in the long term - if we're really honest with ourselves, we're looking for something else deep down. 

Love, belonging, connection, acceptance, excitement, variety, significance... the list goes on.

It's when we move through challenges, finding insights and learning from those moments that we transform the need to stick a 'Netflix plaster' over how we feel. 

There can be ups and downs. 

Life can bring moments of joy and love... and moments of anger and grief. Much of how we experience things is to do with what stories we tell ourselves about things. Whether we're conscious of this or not. Our thoughts & beliefs create the frustration, struggle, stress and more. Sometimes we may not want to acknowledge this, because when we do we can't point the finger anymore. We're responsible. 

For our life.

How we choose to live it. 

Whilst we may not be able to directly change all circumstances in the world and other peoples behaviour. One of our greatest gifts in life is that we have the gift of choice. Choice on what actions we take or don't take. How we choose to respond to things and see situations. 

And this needn't mean an overwhelming list of do's and don'ts, feeling angry with ourselves if we are triggered yet again by a particular person or situation. Or feeling pressure to create big changes out of fear, setting goals looking for perfection as we believe it will bring a sense of belonging, rather than out of love for ourselves and our future.

Choice can simply mean choosing to make most of the simple little things. To really LIVE this life we are living in this human experience. 

For example...

  • Stepping outside and breathing deeply rather than take our freedom to do this as granted.
  • Observing the beauty of a flower rather than hurriedly pass it by.
  • Closing our eyes and feeling the sunshine on our skin rather than think about endless to do lists.
  • Hearing the sounds that surround us as individual sounds of a larger orchestra rather than noise.
  • Noticing what we say to our self when we reconnect to the beauty of life in this way rather than beat ourselves up.

The list is endless. 

There are many options and choices available. 

Let's start with small, micro actions and experiences. It can be the small and simple things that often are the most powerful and beneficial.

I wonder... how many valuable things can we experience today?

Now I'd love to hear from you: What little blessing do you notice right now in your experience? Let me know in the comment section below. And join us in the online community.

Have a friend that would find this useful? Offer a supportive hand and share this post.

And if you want more information on trainings and how you can transform your life experience using NLP with heart - check out the latest trainings here.

Sunday, 28 January 2018

The Hidden Drive Behind The Inner Critic & Why Vulnerability Matters

Fearful Part: "Shouldn't do__x__ need to do __y__ uggh I'm so lazy!"

Loving Part Within: "Relax"

Fearful Part: "Look at everything that needs to get done, will never get all this done or done right, I'm so hopeless"

Loving Part Within: "Just be"

Fearful Part: "Everyone else can manage why can't I? What's wrong with me?"

Loving Part Within: "Breathe"

Fearful Part: "I feel_(alone/sad/angry/numb/depressed)_ why is everyone else happy and not me?"

Loving Part: "Connect"

How many of us have heard that fearful part, the Inner Critic's judgements before? And how many of us have experienced what I call the 'Inner Critic's Hangover'? In other words... the heavier emotional states that result from negative self-talk. 

I have. 

And so has virtually every client I've worked with. In fact, I'm sure every human being on this planet has had at least one moment of feeling low or experiencing negative self-talk at some point in their life... if not on a regular basis. To experience the variety of colour that emotions bring is natural. With many of these emotions created by previous thoughts we can create change if we desire. If we feel heavier states often we're simply experiencing the hangover of indulging in the Inner Critic's fears.

Taking a deeper look, we can ask ourselves...

What is the hidden drive for the fearful, criticising part - what is it really looking for? 
What does it believe? 
When did it first decide this?
What positive insights do we know now that we didn't know back then?

And if we aren't sure straight away... if we were to know, what would we discover?

Looking for love & belonging is a common hidden drive. Trying to perfect ourselves or show a mask as unconsciously perhaps we believe showing imperfections or vulnerability will lead to separation or abandonment. The thing is, many desire deeper meaning, belonging, happiness and fulfilment in life, yet we move through life with a mask, shielding ourselves from that very fulfilment we desire.

Ironic huh? 

Being authentic, showing our imperfections and vulnerability can lead to...


And SO much more. 

Without opening up, daring to be vulnerable, we miss out on SO much. I've been there - it can be lonely place if we remain stuck in the Inner Critic Hangover.

How can we really experience deep love and belonging if we only show a mask and remain connected to fears?

Step by step we can journey towards greater authenticity and love each day. 

Is it easy? Not always. 

It can feel scary moving out of the comfort zone, breaking free and being real. It can feel different to listen to that loving voice within rather than just the fears. It's even scarier though never allowing ourselves the gift of authenticity and love in life. 

Energetically speaking, 2018 among many things is a year of SUPPORT. To create support, give support and receive support.

For ourselves, others, and society.

So if we're going through a challenging time, it's time to reach out. Each and every one of us are so worthy of love and belonging.

Entering the shadow, finding the light (gifts) and coming out the other side. Because to only listen and live life according to fears of the shadow is to completely ignore the love and light. It's not choosing one or the other, its using both for the highest good.

Our fears (shadow part) help us appreciate our strength (light) deepen our awareness and understanding of ourselves/others/society. And the light is the strength within to find the gifts in the shadow.

Want more light in the world? 

It starts within. 

Now I'd love to hear from you!
What did you find most useful about this and what area will that help you with? Let me know in the comment section below.

Have a friend that would find this useful?
Spread the love and share this post.

For more information, Wholehearted NLP trainings, FREE podcast, FREE online support group etc... click here.

Wednesday, 20 December 2017

A Forgotten Art... & Why THIS Is So Important

It's not out there.

Despite many of us still searching. 

Often learning from a young age that to seek validation, confirmation and answers outside of ourselves is the way to go. Sure we can benefit learning from others, especially when we're growing up - in some respects it's absolutely necessary. Though by doing so with blind ignorance of what gems lie within too is where some issues can arise.

It's then why, often as adults many still feel unsatisfied.

Something missing.

Feels empty.

Mainly because we're ignoring the wealth of knowledge within us. We're stood in the empty spot between our light and shadow. Back turned to our light (who we really are, our Soul, our energy) and eyes focused on our fears of our shadow (which are much smaller than they initially look... and some say even an illusion).

Being brought up by holistic parents, aware of the the spiritual and self-awareness world from day one, I've seen and heard a few things in this field especially in the realm of teachers, gurus and coaches. Some beautiful. Others not so. Same goes for many industries. 

I soon learnt that using discernment & intuition is fundamental in this human experience we call life, especially when seeking guidance and support from a teacher. This was one of the many things NLP taught me too.

To both question things AND find answers within.

Not to question from a basis of scepticism, looking to prove something or someone wrong. Or with an arrogance that 'I don't need to learn from anyone else' attitude. Rather, with a loving, curious child-like mindset. Seeking to understand the world we live in whilst also trusting there's deep wisdom inside ourselves too.

It can be a wonderful gift to receive support and guidance from a teacher. What we need to be mindful of is not to follow a teacher blindly without checking within too. To exercise our discernment  & intuition, recognising what resonates for us.

It can be common, especially in the spiritual/self-awareness world when we resonate with the teaching's of someone that we start to place that person on a pedal-stool. I certainly have at times, and I've been on the receiving end too. Seeing that person as perfect, without flaws, which can create some form of distance between 'me' and 'them'. The issue here is that by doing so we can minimise our self and our capabilities in the process.

Believing that we'll never be able to be like them or do what they do. Whereas it's that very belief that can prevent us.

This is one of the many reasons why I became a NLP Trainer. I want people to feel empowered to look within, to know how to create changes for themselves for the rest of their life whenever they need to and find the answers. Not to solely rely on outside support from a coach or therapist. 

No outside Teacher, Mentor, Coach, Guru, whoever... can ever completely replace the wisdom we have within too. Even if we're struggling to access that wisdom inside of us, doesn't mean it's not there. We just need to slooow our lives down to hear it, trust it.

I used to think all Spiritual Guru's where unnecessary. It wasn't until I discussed this topic with a dear friend that I realised I too was limited in my thinking at that time. Seeking support from a teacher can serve a purpose, it can be a lot easier for some people to start a journey of discovery by seeking guidance outside first, before looking within. What's vital though is that we keep our feet on the ground during the process and remember that they too are human, even if they display certain gifts.

An outside teacher can provide support, comfort and guide... yes, of which during challenging times can be so valuable.

Though when we place someone on a pedal-stool we're viewing our projection of them, not the real them. And we can become attached and fearful of what might happen if one day that thing or person may disappear from our life. This is common in the initial stages of romantic relationships too. The honeymoon period ends when we realise that person has flaws, unhelpful habits and is human too.

Tony Robbins often talks about 6 Basic Human Needs, and mentions that the more needs something or someone fulfils, the more desired it can become...

  1. Love & Belonging (Connection)
  2. Significance
  3. Certainty (Perceived certainty... such as comfort, safety, security)
  4. Variety (Uncertainty)
  5. Growth
  6. Contribution

One of the reasons why smart phones can be so addictive... they fulfil many needs! 

The good news is, is that we can choose how we fulfil these needs. Finding helpful ways to generate these feelings within without the sole dependency on outside sources to do it for us. For example, choosing to create a feeling of connection when we connect to our body during exercise or to our Soul when we do an activity we love. The more we do that the less we might search for the feeling of connection from others.

This is one way we can live an empowered life and become our own Guru. Each and every one of us is so worthy, and capable. More than we may initially realise.

Click to tweet: "The answer is within" Emma Bradford

Learning to trust our gut feeling is where we can access our Inner Guru*, the guidance that is always there for us to access. Sometimes we may believe we're not intuitive, we don't get the messages like others do. Looking back most of us can pinpoint at least one time when something felt right or not. 

We do receive the messages.

It's simply our analytical mind that then doubts the message and confuses us in the process. Fear of acting according to our intuition as sometimes initially it doesn't make sense.

When we act on the intuitive feelings though, everything unfolds and can make perfect sense.

Bringing it back to love...
To practice tuning into our intuition we can start to notice how we feel in situations, around certain people. Being aware of sensations and feelings we have in the present moment. 

What is our body telling us?

Are we making decisions based on what everyone else thinks or are we taking a moment to notice what feels right for us too? 

Now I'd love to hear from you! What's your Inner Guru within telling you today? And if you're unsure... if you were to know, what would it say? Let me know in the comment section below.

Have a friend that would find this useful? Spread the love and share this post.

For more information, Wholehearted NLP trainings, FREE podcast and more... click here.

*If you haven't seen the documentary called 'Kumaré' yet, do!

Tuesday, 21 November 2017

Emotions Uncovered: The Hidden Benefits of Anger, Sadness & Fear


Painful? Uplifting? Two sides of the same coin.

There are many different shades of anger... deep, red hot rage to a light red/pink hue of mild irritation. A rainbow of emotions within the human experience, and only experiencing the sunny yellow of joy doesn't allow us to experience the full rainbow. 

As with day and night... if we continuously experience daylight, wouldn’t it get a bit boring? Notice how after a cold, dark, wet winter, spring arrives with more light and warmth. Feels good right? 

We truly appreciate the light when we've experienced darkness too. 

To appreciate the wonderful nature of joy and happiness, we also need to understand what sadness and grief feels like. Doesn't mean we need to wallow in self-pity and grief for days and weeks. It simply means when an emotion arises - acknowledge it, feel it, learn from it and then let it go.  

All emotions are valid. This goes for ourselves too... all parts are valid.  

Emotions (Energy in MOTION) are messengers giving us an invitation. Presenting a door that leads onto something else. If we decide to suppress, ignore, avoid certain emotions it's as if we keep the door closed unable to connect to the wonderful experience on the other side.

We miss out.

Often what prevents us to fully embrace emotions are our beliefs about them from past events. If we believe that crying our sadness or expressing anger is 'wrong' then whenever we feel sadness or anger we'll want to avoid or suppress it. 

It's not the emotion itself... it's the meanings we've attached to them from past experiences.

Afraid of what others might think - fear of showing our vulnerable side in case we're rejected. Vulnerability actually creates deeper bonds. 

Afraid of how it may feel - as we've attached a meaning that __x__ emotion always = pain. As a society we often search for instant pleasure rather than long term happiness. There's a difference between the two and often it's the latter that we really want even if we don't realise it. Searching for instant pleasure and avoiding certain emotions in the process won't bring us long term happiness. 

By opening ourselves to emotions, we open ourselves up to a whole world of experiences and insights. Emotions invite us to experience something else completely different and wonderful in and beyond them. 

Anger can lead to...
  • Passion... creative fuel for new projects, missions and new rights.
  • Self-esteem... by teaching us about our boundaries, our value and lead us to greater self-worth if we choose to observe the messages and act accordingly.
  • Motivation... to create change.
  • Etc..

Sadness can lead to...
  • Understanding... of what we're experiencing.
  • Gratitude... for what we had and have and to fully appreciate the uplifting times. Any sadness I've experienced, acted among many things as a reminder to appreciate what I have and become more present. To truly appreciate the wonderful joys that life has to offer that we can easily take for granted or miss in daily life.
  • Connection... with others when we open up and share how we feel. The film 'Inside Out' is a wonderful example of this.
  • Etc...

Fear can lead to...
  • Courage... to feel the fear and do what we want anyway, recognising how brave we can be.
  • Safety... so we can get ourselves out of risky situations if need be.
  • Awareness... recognising our priorities and increasing our focus.
  • Etc...

In other words it's not the hammer, it's the intention and action we choose to do with the hammer that's important. 

For too long certain emotions have been given a bad reputation, seen as something to be avoided whereas it's simply HOW we express them that's key. Expressing anger by dancing or painting how we feel is very different to punching someone in the face and spreading the anger further. The first transforms the energy, the second multiplies it.

So if anger (for example) isn't 'bad' why do we need to transform it? 

When we remain stuck and attached to certain emotions we interrupt the flow and they can build up within. A mild irritation at first may later become red hot rage if we don't see it for what it is, learn from it and express it in a healthy and productive way from the beginning. Plus I think most of us can agree that a little more peace, love and healing on this planet could be somewhat helpful!

It´s finding a balance, allowing ourselves to go with the flow, without remaining stuck to heavier emotions for too long. That's where NLP and the many other useful techniques and practices out there come in handy. Remaining stuck in certain emotional states can keep us demotivated, dis-empowered and affect our health.

Notice I use the word heavier instead of negative. If we label and judge certain emotions as negative, the more we interrupt the flow. Heavier emotions are the ones where we want to contract and withdraw... lighter emotions are the ones where we feel expansive and open.

By ignoring the knocking on the door of an emotion we miss the insight and gift... and it will only come back louder and stronger another time. 

As they say... what we resist, persists!

If we're learning something through the experience of an emotion can we really label that emotion as negative? Surely gaining new insights can be a wonderful thing, right?

So I wonder... what really lies beyond that door.

I'd love to hear from you, if you're experiencing a particular emotion what is it inviting you to connect with right now? What door is being presented to you? Let me know in the comment section below.

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Wednesday, 18 October 2017

How To Make Peace With Change & Find Comfort That Heals

How do we respond to uncertain times?

With fear? Anxiety? Anger? Or perhaps we're calm, optimistic and open to change?

Uncertainty (variety) is one of the 6 Basic Human Needs according to Tony Robbins...

1) Love & Belonging
2) Significance
3) Certainty
4) Uncertainty (Variety)
5) Growth
6) Contribution

To have a feeling of uncertainty in life is essential so we don't feel bored. Imagine what it would be like if we knew exactly what will happen every minute, every day of our lives before it happens. I don't know about you, I'd certainty crave some uncertainty just to add some variety in life!

Each individual has their own personal preference, some crave lots of uncertainty, going with the flow and unexpected surprises. Whilst others prefer more certainty in the form of routines, organisation and predictability. When we experience too much certainty for our preference, life can become a bit dull, and when we experience too much uncertainty for our liking, this can trigger higher levels of anxiety.

Each individual has their own threshold.

In my work over the last 5 years I noticed that when high levels of uncertainty were present in clients lives this was a common trigger to reach for comfort food... looking for a feeling of comfort when anxiety levels rose high.

Sometimes we might not even realise that we are affected by uncertainty... yet we can gain deep insights into what is going on unconsciously by looking at our behaviour. Our behaviour is a great insight into what thoughts, emotions, beliefs and values are in play at a deep unconscious level. Are we responding angrily to a change of plan (I know I have at times before!), are we experiencing anxiety bubbling up within? Or perhaps we're in a state of fear... what may or may not happen... worries playing on loop within our mind. 

Habitually many human beings are creatures of comfort, not wanting to move out of the comfort zone, our familiar surroundings and if anything pushes us out of it it can trigger more uncertainty in our lives sometimes leading to overwhelm and anxiety. 

The thing is, life is constantly moving and changing. 

Life IS change. 

We cannot avoid uncertain times completely. There will be moments when unexpected events occur in life.. so how about we make peace with change instead?

How To Make Peace With Change...
These following 3 steps are not the only ones out there in the world of self-awareness, though these steps can be a wonderful starting point to shifting our perspective...

1) ACKNOWLEDGE: First of all, what are we currently thinking and feeling about uncertainty and change? What does it mean for us if uncertainty and change are present?

Are we fearing the worst case scenario? 
Fear of losing what we currently have? 
Angry that things have changed? 
Anxious of what may or may not happen?

2) SHIFT THE PERSPECTIVE: We can start transforming things by challenging the Limiting Belief and acknowledging the emotions.

For example... if we believe that change is painful or difficult, then perhaps we might resist change to avoid pain. Whereas looking at things from a different perspective... perhaps it isn't the change that causes the pain, just our resistance to it that does?

We can notice beliefs as they pop up and challenge them by asking ourselves this question... 'What else could this behaviour mean? What haven't I noticed yet?'

Simply by shifting the perspective we can create a profound shift in how we feel... after all thoughts can create emotions. For more on how to shift emotions specifically join the Facebook community here.

3) CONSTRUCTIVE COMFORT vs DESTRUCTIVE COMFORT: Comfort is not a bad thing, we can absolutely benefit from downtime and an extra boost of oxytocin filled hug. What is unhelpful though, is when we use unhealthy vices to give us that feeling of 'comfort' on a regular basis. Often this can come in the form of food, alcohol and social media scrolling etc.

So the beneficial question to ask ourselves is how do I find comfort and is this constructively helping me both in the short and long term?

For example... if I'm going through a challenging time and I find myself scrolling too long on social media... I'm simply looking for looking for a form of comfort, a distraction from the challenging situation. This isn't necessarily helpful in large periods of time both short and long term so we could say it's a form of Destructive Comfort.

On the other hand, if I'm going through a challenging time and I meet up with a friend to chat about the situation this can be considered as a form of Constructive Comfort as not only can talking with a loved one be comforting, it can also support us in understanding whatever situation we're in and gain clarity on our next chosen steps of action.

Are we constructively finding comfort or are we tapping into destructive comfort seeking patterns? And if the later, what can we start doing to transform that?

Time for change, don't you think?

I'd love to hear from you... what actions of constructive comfort help you? Let me know in the comment section below.

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For more information on 1:1 coaching, Wholehearted NLP Trainings, FREE resources and more... check out www.emmabradford.net