Whatever The Situation, There Is Always This...

No one can ever take this away from us... only ourselves. 

I was reminded of this on a recent adventure in the northern tip of Menorca. Waiting at the bus stop after a scorching hot yet awesome day on the beach with a dear friend. 

37 degrees.

Yes, the hottest day I've ever experienced... aside from August in Morocco many years ago. Lesson number one, don't ever go to Morocco in August unless you like living in an oven!

In Menorca we waited, and waited and waited... only to discover that the late bus was only for local hotel guests and not the public. 

Damn. 

No car... no bus... I started to contemplate sleeping on the beach. Sure it was an option, though ideally at the time I wanted to get back to the flat. My mind started running through possible options...

1) Sleep on the beach 

2) Walk (might loooong walk... despite being a keen walker)

3) Hitch a ride with a passing car (I was feeling safe as I was with a friend)

4) Call a taxi (though might cost more than a flight home)

So it was decided, for the first time in my life (yes really!) I stuck out my thumb at the side of the road and waited to see if any passing cars were heading in our direction. No cars stopped. 

My friend and I were now considering sleeping on the beach.

I said out loud as I often do when I want something... "Universe, we'd like a lift back home tonight please". 

We saw a couple of late night hotel staff members getting into a car, and asked them if they were headed back to the city where we could get a connecting night bus... no, they weren't though they said a man in a white car round the corner was. 

I felt like I was part of a detective team... 'look for the white car, ask for help'. Back to reality, we found the white car, father and two sons and he said he'd drop us back to the main city.

Phew! 

"You're an Angel!" I said to him... he then decided to drop us back not just to the city for a connecting night bus but direct to our town. "I would only be half an Angel if I didn't take you all the way" he laughed. 

We made it home, feeling blessed and grateful for the extreme generosity of the locals on this little island. 

No matter what we think at the time, we always have options. There is always choice. Even if we feel we're in the depths of despair in challenging situations in life, even with situations we cannot change such as a loss of a loved one... everything falling apart around us... there are still options. We can see things from a different perspective and make the most out of a challenging situation. 

Click to Tweet: "We can create obstacles or stepping stones it's our choice" Emma Bradford

By remaining fixated on the problem we miss the solutions and possibilities that are available around us. A closed mindset doesn't see the whole panoramic. An open mindset has the flexibility to open up to new experiences and opportunities. 

And it just so happened, the car journey home was a great insight into local life too, quizzing the locals about the best things to do on the island, hearing direct from the islanders mouths. 

...

So next time you find yourself feeling stuck in a challenging situation ask yourself this...

1) What are ALL the options available here? List them all... even the ones you know you won't take. This act simply reminds us that there are always options and choices... rather than feeling like we're stuck with only one and falling into the victim mentality.

2) What can I learn here? What can these insights help me with? 

Choose one of all the possible options and notice what happens... incredible things can happen when we open up to it. 

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How One Post-It Note Propelled Me Into Change...

It's of the biggest lessons I've learnt in life.

That no matter how bleak a situation may seem. There is always one thing that remains.

Choice. There are many options in life and often we forget how many are available to us. Not only that, also we're the ones in control whether we're aware or not. 

NLP has been a loving 'kick up the backside' and reminder for me many times whenever I've felt like a victim. And yes being a victim is more common than we think...

Finding every excuse and reason why...

• We can't do something - even though we know we'd benefit by doing it.
• We need to hold onto a problem, remaining focused on the problem not open to considering different perspectives.
• We're not to blame and the other person or outside force is and they have inflicted us (this includes blaming the government for how we feel!)
• We need to hold onto a grudge... even if it's something from years ago (move on, for your sake and if you need help letting go check out this previous blog post). 
• We need sympathy from others believing that life always throws us the worst.
• Everyone else is better than us or has what we want and lack.
• We don't deserve good things, yet other people do.
• We always have such bad luck or always fall ill. 
• We need to use the phrases 'If only I had done___x, y, z___' - self blame is also being a victim!
• And much more...

So how does NLP shake us out of this? 

If we create our emotions through our thoughts, behaviour, lifestyle etc then nobody can force us to feel a certain way. It may feel like they can, though we are the ones attaching meaning to that situation and influencing how we feel no matter how uncomfortable that might be to hear. 

And if we're creating how we feel surely we can create a different response right? 

Yes! And this is where NLP (or any other method that works with the unconscious mind) comes in handy. It helps us to let go of emotional triggers and consciously create how we wish to feel.

First, let's be clear...

To have the occasional moan means we're human. No need to beat ourselves up. Though to remain stuck in a victim mentality, using any of the above list on a regular basis keeps us dis-empowered, stuck and in a state of lack and fear. 

Not to mention pretty miserable. 

The easy option is to blame. The happier option is to accept personal responsibility for our life and empower ourselves into the life we desire. If we desire change we need to take inspired action and influence what we can... ourselves and how we respond to things. 

One thing that can help is observing what we're really looking for. Our behaviour is a clear indication of what is going on unconsciously - some say our unconscious mind controls more than 95% of our behaviour! By observing our behaviour we can gain an idea of what our unconscious wants. Quite often with victim behaviour, it's a desire to feel loved with a sense of belonging. If you catch yourself doing any of the above behaviours ask yourself this...

1) What am I really looking for? 

2) And how can I generate some of this myself? 

For example, if we're looking for love, we can find ways to connect to that feeling rather than expecting others on a daily basis to generate that for us. Because that's how we experience love - it's a feeling and there are many ways to create how you feel. Loving words, thoughts, sights, sounds, smells, environments etc that don't solely depend on other people. 

Click To Tweet: "The easy option is to blame, the happier option is to create a change" Emma Bradford

Try this... 

In the past if I wanted to make changes, bring something new into my life and felt resistance cropping up... I would write the following words on a post-it note and place it somewhere I could see it everyday.

Option 1: Stay the same 

Option 2: Make a change

That reminder, noticing what life would be like if I remained the in the same situation for years and years, along with removing any necessary limiting beliefs and inner conflicts, meant desired experiences were a lot easier to bring into my life. 

And when I say make a change, it's about aligning ourselves with our authentic self, so we can receive what we truly desire, re-framing situations so they no longer bother us and seeing things from another perspective. 

When we remove limiting beliefs its as if the glasses we wear become a little sharper, a few scratches removed so we can see things with a clearer perspective. It's about remembering who we truly are, letting go of all the false beliefs of 'not being good enough' we may have picked up along the way.

Because you are, absolutely good enough, without a doubt to experience the life you desire.

Use this as a reminder.

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If you'd like more support in removing unconscious blocks and letting go of those emotional triggers contact me on info@emmabradford.net for 1:1 empowerment sessions - available worldwide. 

Also last chance for the EXCLUSIVE transformational Menorca retreat 26-28th May 2017. Closing date 15th April! More info here. 

We Always Have a Choice

There are many options in life and quite often we forget just how many are available to us. Not only that, but also that we are the ones in control whether we are aware of it or not.

In the past if there was something that I was moving towards and I could feel the resistance cropping up, I would write the following words on a post it note and place it somewhere that I could see it everyday.

Option 1: Stay the same

Option 2: Make a change

That, along with removing limiting beliefs and inner conflicts that may have been present, the goals were easier to achieve. With a simple reminder of what may or may not happen if I achieve the goal vs what may or may not happen if I don't achieve the goal can help kick start motivation.

When I say make a change, its more about aligning ourselves even more so we can receive what we truly desire, re-framing situations so they no longer bother us and seeing things from another perspective.

When we remove limiting beliefs its as if the glasses we are wearing become a little sharper, a few scratches removed so we can see things with a clearer perspective. Its about remembering who we truly are and letting go of all the false beliefs of 'not being good enough' we may have picked up along the way, because you are, absolutely good enough, without a doubt to receive the life you desire.

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