Whatever The Situation, There Is Always This...

No one can ever take this away from us... only ourselves. 

I was reminded of this on a recent adventure in the northern tip of Menorca. Waiting at the bus stop after a scorching hot yet awesome day on the beach with a dear friend. 

37 degrees.

Yes, the hottest day I've ever experienced... aside from August in Morocco many years ago. Lesson number one, don't ever go to Morocco in August unless you like living in an oven!

In Menorca we waited, and waited and waited... only to discover that the late bus was only for local hotel guests and not the public. 

Damn. 

No car... no bus... I started to contemplate sleeping on the beach. Sure it was an option, though ideally at the time I wanted to get back to the flat. My mind started running through possible options...

1) Sleep on the beach 

2) Walk (might loooong walk... despite being a keen walker)

3) Hitch a ride with a passing car (I was feeling safe as I was with a friend)

4) Call a taxi (though might cost more than a flight home)

So it was decided, for the first time in my life (yes really!) I stuck out my thumb at the side of the road and waited to see if any passing cars were heading in our direction. No cars stopped. 

My friend and I were now considering sleeping on the beach.

I said out loud as I often do when I want something... "Universe, we'd like a lift back home tonight please". 

We saw a couple of late night hotel staff members getting into a car, and asked them if they were headed back to the city where we could get a connecting night bus... no, they weren't though they said a man in a white car round the corner was. 

I felt like I was part of a detective team... 'look for the white car, ask for help'. Back to reality, we found the white car, father and two sons and he said he'd drop us back to the main city.

Phew! 

"You're an Angel!" I said to him... he then decided to drop us back not just to the city for a connecting night bus but direct to our town. "I would only be half an Angel if I didn't take you all the way" he laughed. 

We made it home, feeling blessed and grateful for the extreme generosity of the locals on this little island. 

No matter what we think at the time, we always have options. There is always choice. Even if we feel we're in the depths of despair in challenging situations in life, even with situations we cannot change such as a loss of a loved one... everything falling apart around us... there are still options. We can see things from a different perspective and make the most out of a challenging situation. 

Click to Tweet: "We can create obstacles or stepping stones it's our choice" Emma Bradford

By remaining fixated on the problem we miss the solutions and possibilities that are available around us. A closed mindset doesn't see the whole panoramic. An open mindset has the flexibility to open up to new experiences and opportunities. 

And it just so happened, the car journey home was a great insight into local life too, quizzing the locals about the best things to do on the island, hearing direct from the islanders mouths. 

...

So next time you find yourself feeling stuck in a challenging situation ask yourself this...

1) What are ALL the options available here? List them all... even the ones you know you won't take. This act simply reminds us that there are always options and choices... rather than feeling like we're stuck with only one and falling into the victim mentality.

2) What can I learn here? What can these insights help me with? 

Choose one of all the possible options and notice what happens... incredible things can happen when we open up to it. 

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How To Transform An Unfortunate Situation Into A Fortunate Experience

Crraack!

I looked up towards a family member with me at the time and we both started to giggle. My hands holding two pieces of broken glass, a perfect accompaniment to the red cheeks on my face.

A wave of both fear and amusement crept over me.

Fear of the unknown, what may or may not lie ahead... and amusement because, really what were the chances.

It was just too funny.

This experience during the summer made me think about authenticity. How being AUTHENTIC can lead to wondrous rewards, even if initially it can feel shameful, embarrassing and/or fearful of uncertainty.

I knew in that moment, standing there in the shop with a cracked glass picture frame in hand, I had TWO choices...

1) To place the glass to one side and move along, not saying anything out of fear of what might happen if I did.

or

2) Own up, be authentic and aligned with my values, willing to accept any consequences that may occur.

Broken down, it was simply a choice of connecting with either FEAR or LOVE.

Tweet: "When you open up & show up, you put yourself in line to receive beautiful gifts. When you hide & withdraw, you remove yourself from the abundance that wishes to greet you" Emma Bradford

This also ties in with a recent NLP class I taught a few weeks ago, discussing the huge topic of Life Purpose with group members. One of the definitions that came to mind was...

"To connect with what brings us happiness and joy (in a healthy, fulfilling way)... being AUTHENTIC and aligned with our values". 

This can help us create direction and connect with our life purpose. 

If we value LOVE in our life, by acting in alignment with this value can bring great fulfillment and rewards. For example by being loving to ourselves and others whilst maintaining and respecting boundaries.

If we value CONNECTION, again, acting in alignment with this can open up wondrous experiences in our life. For example, prioritising moments of true connection with others, whether that be physically with a partner, through conversation, presence and/or support.

What do you value in your life? 

And are you acting in alignment with those values? 

If not, how can you create more alignment in your daily life? 

One of my personal values is authenticity, which is why I automatically felt called to go straight to the shop owner and confess what had happened. It was something I had to do as the more I intend to connect with authenticity in my life, the more painful being inauthentic is. 

I simply can't do it. 

The best thing was, after confessing about the accident I wasn't charged and was even given a free picture frame mount in return. 

Situation transformed!

Being authentic is allowing ourselves (without judgement) to be bold, and colourful if we wish. Trusting and giving ourselves the space to simply be who we want with flexibility, so we can change priorities and values to what resonates if needed.

As we grow throughout life, so may our values. That's perfectly ok. And as we go through new experiences our priorities can change.

Being authentic is a continuous practice of paying attention to ourselves and what's important to us in each moment... living our day to day life with the intention to resonate with alignment with what we truly value and what feels right.

Now it's your turn! If you were to know, what are some of your top values in life? You can discover this by considering all areas of your life from relationships, to career to spirituality etc... what is important for you in each category? e.g. intimacy, success, connection...

Pick one value, and brainstorm how you can bring in more of that into your life over the next few weeks. For example, someone may say intimacy is key in relationships, therefore they may intend to open up, share, be vulnerable with loved ones even more so to help create more intimacy. 

Notice how this can TRANSFORM any challenges you may be facing the more you connect and align yourself with your values.

Using the comment section below, hold yourself accountable and state what you'll start doing and when to experience these shifts. 

Have a friend feeling lost and in need of a helping hand? Offer them some support and share this post. How can you guide each other in being even more authentic and aligned with what you find in important in life? 

If you'd like to be the first to receive these monthly insights, and receive a FREE Boosting Self-Esteem kit too, head on over to my WEBSITE where you can sign up for positive change.

How To Find Your Personal Motivation Point

Many years ago when living with my parents in the UK we had a tropical fish tank filled with a rainbow of beautiful little fish. Over the course of a few months these fish began to disappear, apart from one, which in turn grew bigger and bigger and bigger. You can guess what was happening! 

One day when we relocated this fish to a bigger tank at the local pet store, it jumped out and starting flapping its way across our kitchen floor. Needless to say we all started screaming and running around the house like we had just seen a Yeti or something - some were even hugging each other and crying too! Yes, it looked as comical as it sounds.

In that moment I naturally started to do what we call in NLP 'checking ecology'. I considered all the options available possible consequences and used that information to motivate me to pick up the flapping fish and place it into the water again. Despite feeling very squeamish, I did it anyway because I could not bear to see the fish suffer nor could I sleep in peace if I had not done everything in my power to help it. 

In every situation where there is something that feels right to do, yet we are afraid to take action there can be powerful motivators to help us take that step. By considering all options and consequences (a.k.a. checking ecology) we can propel ourselves forward into brighter, happier experiences in the long run. 

As Susan Jeffers says... "Feel the fear and do it anyway!"

Perhaps there is something that you want to do at the moment such as asking someone out for a date or applying for that job you desire, yet you are currently stuck in a state of fear. Everyone is unique with different variations of beliefs and fears... for what one person fears and believes another may feel differently about it. And by taking a moment to consider the following questions you can tap into your own point of motivation and use that information to take your desired action. 

1. If I were to achieve/do/have ____X____ what would I gain?
2. If I didn't achieve/do/have ____X_____what would I gain? 
3. If I were to achieve/do/have _____X_____what would I lose? 
4. If I didn't achieve/do/have _____X______what would I lose?

Feel free to take it even further and consider... if you were to do nothing, taking no action at all what would your life experience be like in 3 months time? And 6 months time? And 1 years time? 

Notice what changes as you consider these questions. And what gave you the biggest boost of motivation? By taking time to consider the consequences of possible actions we can really kick start ourselves into action.

So as always, I invite you the next 30 days to put this into practice and 'check ecology' whenever you make decisions or work towards a goal. Use your personal motivation point and notice what changes when you do. 

This can be especially powerful as a reminder every time you want to procrastinate or self sabotage by eating unhealthy foods or avoiding exercise. We have a choice. Do you want something to change? Start by considering the questions above and use that extra energy to propel you into a more compelling future.

I'd love to hear from you - which question generated the most motivation for you? Using the comment section below please share your thoughts. Also, do you have a friend who is currently lacking in motivation? Offer a helping hand and share this post with them helping you both to Kick start this summer with an extra burst of energy in the right direction.

Wishing you all a great summer!

Ps/The big fish was very happy & healthy in his new home :-)

The Power Of One Simple Word...

'Prepare for the worse case scenario'...'Don't get your hopes up'...

How many of these phrases have you heard throughout your life so far? 

Whilst being aware of the consequences (i.e. checking Ecology as we call in in NLP) is extremely helpful...sometimes if we place too much emphasis on what we don't want...what could 'go wrong'...or what we are missing...we simply affirm to ourselves and others to bring us in life more of what we don't want. 

After all the grass is greener where we water it. In other words where we place our attention, our focus, our energy...that area continues to grow. 

Sonia Choquette, an Intuitive Spiritual Teacher has always emphasised the power of the word 'Wonder'. 'I wonder...' opens up possibilities, connects with our creativity and imagination to start creating what we desire.

For example, imagine that there are two friends...friend A and friend B:

Friend A starts the day waking up thinking 'Oh crap, another miserable day I bet I'll get stuck in traffic again, and I bet that my boss will be in another of his bad mood as always...etc etc'

Friend B starts the day waking up and thinking 'I wonder what wonderful things will happen today...'

Essentially what friend B is doing is exercising their creativity, imagination, and having fun in the process. They are also telling their RAS (Recticular Activating System) what they want to focus on and what they wish to experience. Friend A is also communicating with their RAS, however to create different outcomes...by telling their RAS to find more of what they don't want.

In NLP we talk about the RAS, a part of our brain as it is fundamental in goal setting. It acts as a filter between the conscious and unconscious mind, acting as a faithful servant to our thought process. If we feed it with positive thoughts, it will set out to prove those true, just as if we were to feed it limiting thoughts such as 'Nothing is going right...I'm going to have a crap day´ it will also set out to prove those true. Our RAS cannot differentiate between positive and negative. It simply acts like a dog finding the ball its master has thrown out there...it fnds the evidence and brings it to our attention. 

This is not to say that you will completely cease to have any challenges, set backs or disappointments by starting the day this way...they can still come into our lives as they do with anyone. It simply means you will start noticing more of the 'wonderful moments' and yes in turn attract more into your day to day life as you begin to shift your focus. 

So notice what kind of day you could have if you fed your RAS with thoughts like "I wonder what wonderful things will happen today..." 

Your RAS will start bringing to your attention little surprises and wonderful pleasures of life and as you bring your focus to these areas and that your beliefs are aligned...you will start attracting even more into your life.

Notice what wonderful, little treasures come into your life when you start the day with wonder...its a lot more fun thinking that way too ;-) 

Happy November!

What To Do When You Make A Mistake...

Mistakes, imperfections, and flaws... something that in society we often want to cover up and ignore. 

To show our 'perfect' side whilst hiding fears and vulnerabilities below out of fear of rejection. If we only show this 'perfect' mask we have created are we being truly loved for ourselves? If we share our fears with loved ones they are seeing all of us, therefore we can feel a stronger, more genuine connection. 

"True belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world" Brene Brown 

Making a mistake can be hard. If something doesn't go to plan it can come as a shock, a disappointment, a fear of 'what next?' and 'have I really got the energy to try again?'. It can be embarrassing, a fear of being laughed at, being seen as wrong or at the very core of it 'will I be rejected?' If inventors stopped after the first set back we would be missing a lot of things in the world that we enjoy today. True courage comes when we get back up and try again, using our set backs as stepping stones towards our desired outcome.

Here are 4 pointers I created to help with self forgiveness after making a mistake, and making the best choices for when you give it another shot...

1) Be kind to yourself

Self love is true self love when you comfort yourself with caring words during tough times or when you may have made a 'mistake'. How would you comfort a dear friend in this situation?


2) What have you learnt?

I say 'mistake' previously with apostrophes because if you have learnt something positive from a situation is it really a negative outcome if you now know what not to do next time? How has this experience benefited you and your future?


3) Make choices for your highest good

What will you benefit from most in the long term? To miss part of a course waiting for a friend as you fear going into room by yourself, or to meet your friend at the event so not to miss any of the course? For each person the choice will be different, its about finding what is right for you and your future. After all this is your life. What do you choose to do differently next time?


4) Choice check: Love vs Fear

Double check, are you making these choices out of fear or love? Love for yourself and your future, or fear of an uncomfortable situation and wanting to avoid it? What will give you the best outcome in the long term?

We are all perfectly imperfect. We can either ignore, despise it, or embrace it learning a great deal in the process, continuing to live life to the full.