How To Feel More Satisfied In Life: Discover Your Personal Key...

"One day there was a little boy, he had a large cupboard filled with different toys in his bedroom. In that cupboard were 4 teddy bears all varying slightly in shape, size and colour. 

A little brown teddy bear at the front of the cupboard was the toy that was the most loved and cared for. It still looked in good condition as it was treated so well by this little boy. He loved this bear so much so that he had completely forgotten about the other three teddy bears towards the back of the cupboard. 

The other three were squashed and dusty, full of cobwebs and spiders as they had not been seen or touched since they had been placed into that cupboard. In his eyes, he only had one. That little brown bear."

Sometimes we can forget that there are other things within us that call for care and attention. We place all of our focus and attention onto our physical body for example and forget to nourish our other 'bodies'. Yes energetically speaking we have many!

Take a moment to consider all of the different 'bodies' you have from your physical, mental, to your emotional and even spiritual if not more. And ask yourself...which of these do I nourish the most?

To nourish means 'to supply with what is necessary for life, health, and growth', to care for, to maintain, to look after so you can experience health within that area. If we want to feel better emotionally, or to experience better mental health whether be it improving memory or reducing negative thoughts - by nourishing these 'bodies' we can experience greater health. Just as if you want to gain more physical muscle we nourish our physical body with physical exercise whatever that may be.

If you like, you can take this even further and consider all the different parts of you... your playful part, your loving part, your creative part, your intellectual part etc.

Which 'part' are you currently nourishing and satisfying the most?

Which is the most neglected and could do with some care and attention? 

If you were to create more of a balance between these 'bodies' or 'parts', how would that affect all areas of your life?

What would that look, sound and feel like?

So how can we nourish and satisfy these 'bodies' or 'parts' of ourselves? Think about what can help promote greater health, for example we know for the physical body wholefoods and exercise can work wonders, just as meditation for the mental body can help reduce negative thoughts over time. The emotional which can often be the most neglected due to fear of showing our vulnerabilities (or even fear of what we may find!) can be nourished by hugs, hearing uplifting music and more. Each person is different. 

The great thing is that many things can help many 'bodies'. As we know from the mind/body connection that meditation not only helps our mental body it can also affect our emotional and more. What this brings to light is self awareness, giving us a moment to tune in and simply consider those different parts or bodies within us, and if anything is crying out for our attention. And by doing so we can experience a more balanced and harmonious life with a greater sense of satisfaction. 

So if you were that little boy what would you do differently now? 

This month I challenge you to chose one small action that you can do on a daily/weekly basis that will nourish the 'body' or 'part' of yourself that is currently neglected. 

What will you choose? And notice how great that could feel afterwards!

As always I like to join in the NLP fun too ;-) so this month I'm going to listen to more uplifting music for the 'dancer' part of me now that my laptop is fixed. Let the party begin!

Do you have a friend that could benefit from this post? Give a helping hand by sharing this and empowering each other during the week whilst you both nourish yourselves back to wholeness.

Feels good doesn't it?

How To Let Go Of Excess Emotional Baggage

Emotions are funny things aren't they? 

Catching us off guard and making us say things we don't want to say or do what we don't want to do. Common belief is that things just happen to us...we have no control over life and how we feel - now that's a powerless position to put ourselves in! And a scary one too, never knowing what's around the corner or if we'd be able to handle it.

Can we really control our emotions? 

Good news. The answer is YES! How we experience life is much to do with what is going on in our 'control tower' - our brain! The thoughts and images that we choose to focus on in our mind all have a meaning that we attach to it. For each person the meanings are different - we each have our own 'map of the world' or 'pair of glasses' if you like and its by focusing on these meanings, thoughts and beliefs that we have the control of creating lighter or heavier emotional states. It's up to us. 

Not easy, I know.

I certainly have my moments too. The magic part though is being aware and accepting responsibility which can bring a HUGE sense of freedom. We have a choice, we can mope around all day and point the finger elsewhere (easy to do!) or we can accept that the quickest way things will change is by doing something about it and to start changing our focus (more effort at first but oh so more rewarding!).  

So when you next catch yourself starting to feel sad, angry or frustrated...trace back your thoughts and notice where your focus was. Quite often you'll notice negative thoughts such as 'its not working, I cant do anything right' or 'he hasn't replied, he's lost interest in me'...hmmm not so uplifting thoughts eh? 

No wonder we feel rubbish afterwards!

So how can we let go of the emotional baggage if we find ourselves swimming in heavy emotions? 


1) Openness & Loving Awareness: Being open to consider a different perspective, noticing how we feel and tracing back our thoughts to find the root cause. Notice the word 'loving' here. This is not about beating ourselves up again for having a negative thought in the first place...simply be curious and notice.

2) Re-framing: Challenge your thoughts and beliefs and re-frame the situation. Is it really that 'he's lost interest'? Or perhaps he's had a challenging day?

3) Creative Release: If you still feel some of that emotion you wish to let go of, find a creative outlet to release it whether be that through dance, exercise, writing or art etc. I often encourage clients to write what I call the 'I feel...' page if I notice there needs to be more of a release. 

Taking out an A4 piece of paper and repeating and finishing the sentence 'I feel...' until they have completely covered the page. Emotions are like energetic heavy weights if we hold onto them...by writing things down we can let go of some of those weights, allowing the emotions to express their true nature and simply be the 'energy in motion' that they are. Its our constant focus on unhelpful thoughts, judgement and lack of creative release that makes them heavier. Writing the 'I feel...' page followed by screwing up and throwing away the paper can create a huge relief. I also use this technique if ever there is a time I feel the need to let go of excess emotional baggage and it works wonders.

Being an empathetic person myself (yes, its my number one Gallup strength too!) can have its pros and cons. Whilst I often feel what clients are feeling and sense intuitively what needs to be worked on in each moment it can also mean I need to be very loyal to my personal well-being to then ensure I can continue giving the best service possible. Just like when you're travelling by plane and they say 'place your own mask on first before helping others' - because if you don't you simply cannot help others effectively. 


These above tools are fundamental for any empathetic person, or anyone dealing with unpleasant emotions. Try it, notice how much lighter you can feel and let me know what difference you notice in the comments below! Or perhaps you have a technique that works great for you, I'd love to hear your thoughts - feel free to share with everyone in the comments below.

Its through the practice where the real magic happens! 

And finally, do you have friends currently struggling with their emotions? Forward on this post and create pack for a week with your friend, both supporting each other through the 3 step process and discussing the changes that occur...as they say sharing is caring and a helping hand can work wonders. 

The Power Of One Simple Word...

'Prepare for the worse case scenario'...'Don't get your hopes up'...

How many of these phrases have you heard throughout your life so far? 

Whilst being aware of the consequences (i.e. checking Ecology as we call in in NLP) is extremely helpful...sometimes if we place too much emphasis on what we don't want...what could 'go wrong'...or what we are missing...we simply affirm to ourselves and others to bring us in life more of what we don't want. 

After all the grass is greener where we water it. In other words where we place our attention, our focus, our energy...that area continues to grow. 

Sonia Choquette, an Intuitive Spiritual Teacher has always emphasised the power of the word 'Wonder'. 'I wonder...' opens up possibilities, connects with our creativity and imagination to start creating what we desire.

For example, imagine that there are two friends...friend A and friend B:

Friend A starts the day waking up thinking 'Oh crap, another miserable day I bet I'll get stuck in traffic again, and I bet that my boss will be in another of his bad mood as always...etc etc'

Friend B starts the day waking up and thinking 'I wonder what wonderful things will happen today...'

Essentially what friend B is doing is exercising their creativity, imagination, and having fun in the process. They are also telling their RAS (Recticular Activating System) what they want to focus on and what they wish to experience. Friend A is also communicating with their RAS, however to create different outcomes...by telling their RAS to find more of what they don't want.

In NLP we talk about the RAS, a part of our brain as it is fundamental in goal setting. It acts as a filter between the conscious and unconscious mind, acting as a faithful servant to our thought process. If we feed it with positive thoughts, it will set out to prove those true, just as if we were to feed it limiting thoughts such as 'Nothing is going right...I'm going to have a crap day´ it will also set out to prove those true. Our RAS cannot differentiate between positive and negative. It simply acts like a dog finding the ball its master has thrown out there...it fnds the evidence and brings it to our attention. 

This is not to say that you will completely cease to have any challenges, set backs or disappointments by starting the day this way...they can still come into our lives as they do with anyone. It simply means you will start noticing more of the 'wonderful moments' and yes in turn attract more into your day to day life as you begin to shift your focus. 

So notice what kind of day you could have if you fed your RAS with thoughts like "I wonder what wonderful things will happen today..." 

Your RAS will start bringing to your attention little surprises and wonderful pleasures of life and as you bring your focus to these areas and that your beliefs are aligned...you will start attracting even more into your life.

Notice what wonderful, little treasures come into your life when you start the day with wonder...its a lot more fun thinking that way too ;-) 

Happy November!

5 Steps to Increased Confidence...

I quote these talks a lot in coaching sessions, workshops and meetups. 

Great message, amusing, and useful tips on how to increase our happiness and confidence levels.

The other week I carried out a 'The Power of The Mind' workshop in Barcelona looking at how our mind influences our body. What we think, creates emotions through our internal representations and meanings that we attach to experiences, which then in turn affect our physiology and behaviour.

I also touched on the reverse, how the body can affect the mind. Studies have shown that if we adopt a high power pose (body posture that we naturally take when we win something or are in a position of power) we actually create a chemical reaction within the body which then starts to affect our state of mind.

By adopting one of these power poses and also linking it with a memory when we felt confident in the past we can create a powerful kinaesthetic anchor to use whenever we need to. I started doing this when I completed my first NLP training in 2012, using the anchor every day. Now I find its so powerful I just have to use it for a few seconds whenever I feel I need an extra boost and to keep the anchor topped up full of energy. 

5 STEPS TO INCREASED CONFIDENCE

• STEP 1: Recall a memory when you felt totally confident, the strongest memory you can think of. As you think about this memory with your eyes closed, adopt an 'arms up in the air' position with your chin slightly lifted as if you have just won a race (see example in video).

• STEP 2: See what you see in that memory hear what you hear in that memory, and with every breath notice that your confidence levels become stronger and stronger. Notice what you say to yourself when you feel totally confident. 

• STEP 3: Increase the level of all senses making the images of your memory in your minds eye BIGGER and BRIGHTER, sounds CLEARER and LOUDER, feelings STRONGER and STRONGER with every breath and repeat your internal dialogue to yourself a couple of times...notice how totally confident you feel now!

• STEP 4: Open your eyes, put your arms down and do something to clear your mind such as listening to a song, counting to 20 out loud, watching a video clip of your favourite film. This acts as what we call a 'Break State' which helps to lock in place the anchor we created previously. Take a moment to notice how you feel now before testing the anchor, have a quick mental scan of your body.

• STEP 5: Test the anchor. Close your eyes, put your arms up in the air in the same position as you previously did and notice what changes. What is different now? How has your level of confidence changed now? Some may also start to notice changes to breathing, or thoughts of the previous memory coming back.

Use this every day for at least 30 seconds whenever you have a moment to yourself, when you first get up out of bed, when you are in the toilet behind closed doors etc and you can lock in place a powerful resource anchor to use whenever you need to in the future. Perfect to use before interviews and exams, increasing your levels of success!

Good stuff eh?!

What is NLP?

Neuro Linguistic Programming can sound like a bit of a mouthful at times. 

Each practitioner has their own way of describing what is with some calling it both an Art and a Science and others explaining it as a way to achieve excellence in your life. I usually use the following description...

NLP is a tool to understand unhelpful patterns we may be creating unconsciously in our lives. To enhance or alter our patterns of thought, behaviour and emotion so to become the best version of ourselves. 

It's like we have a DIY toolkit for life.

I don't see it as becoming a completely new person (although it can feel that way sometimes!)... its more about uncovering the layers of limiting beliefs and emotional baggage we may have picked up along the way, uncovering the real you beneath. Its about remembering our strengths and capabilities which on an super conscious level we have always known and realising this both on a conscious and unconscious level.

Since the beginning of time, aspects of NLP is something that some people have used without realising it however it really came to light in the 1970s through the pioneering work of Richard Bandler and John Grinder. Everybody has the skills and the ability to achieve their desired outcome, however sometimes we can become a little lost along the way which is when the guidance of a friend, family member, doctor or practitioner can help during difficult situations

In short:

Neuro is to do with how we process information internally from our senses to our brain
Linguistic is to do with how we use language to communicate to others as well as ourselves
Programming is to do with our internal strategies we use in order to achieve outcomes.

Through the use of visualisations, goal setting techniques, creating triggers to recall positive emotions and much more, NLP can be a very practical, useful and life changing tool. More than anything its a way to re-frame events, helping us to see things from another perspective and no longer having the same painful emotional charge as before.

Notice how great it would be to go through life understanding yourself a little better, being able to create happy emotions whenever you need to and letting go of past hurts and negative thoughts about yourself!

That's not to say people cant achieve this without NLP, of course they can, there are many useful techniques out there. However NLP can help many people kick start the process and find the balance, great health and happiness that they desire in a very quick and efficient way.

One of my favourite quotes is that of Henry Ford...

"If you always do what you've done, you'll always get what you've got"

If we want to achieve something in our life that we have never had before, we need to do something different. If we havent got it at the moment then there is obviously something that is preventing you from having it whether be it a belief about ourselves beliefs about the world, self sabotaging behaviour or a limiting perspective on the situation. By understanding ourselves, our thoughts and beliefs, and then installing positive behaviours and beliefs we can then start to experience the life we want to experience.

Simple, powerful, effective.

Spring Clean Your Mind

Its that time of year that I just LOVE... 

flower blossom on the trees, warm sunshine creeping in and a sense of activity after the winter months.

Spring cleaning is often mentioned at this time of year, an opportunity to clear out those cluttered cupboards and unwanted clothes. Whilst the physical/material aspect of spring cleaning is great, we often forget that there are other types of spring cleaning that can be a huge help in achieving goals.

Many people set new years resolutions in January and by the second or third week give up due to lack of motivation and blaming themselves for not being good enough. If a friend was struggling with something, would you beat them up about it and tell them that they are useless? Treating ourselves with the love and respect that we deserve can make things 100 times easier to achieve goals.

However sometimes there can be a few little things that can get in our way...

Limiting Beliefs.

We all create our own map of the world, forming beliefs about ourselves, others and the world through experiences and influence from family, friends and other individuals. Sometimes there are helpful beliefs; eg) "I mustn't touch the hot stove as I can burn myself", and sometimes there are unhelpful ´limiting´ beliefs, eg) "If people don't say hello to me that means there is something wrong with me".

Notice how the later can limit us in our lives and add to feelings of insecurity, lack of self worth and lack of confidence. If we continue to believe limiting beliefs, even on an unconscious level, we will continue to limit our true potential in our lives, thus finding it more difficult to achieve what we want.

What we believe (both consciously and unconsciously), we receive. If we focus on not being good enough and believing that we are worthless, we will attract into our lives situations that prove that true thanks to a part of our brain called the Reticular Activating System (RAS). More information on the RAS coming soon.

So, its a great time for spring cleaning! If you have been working towards something and doubt starts creeping in, notice what thoughts are present.

What limiting beliefs have been holding you back?

Tips on uncovering and loosening limiting beliefs coming next!