Emotions Uncovered: The Hidden Benefits of Anger, Sadness & Fear

Emotions. 

Painful? Uplifting? Two sides of the same coin.

There are many different shades of anger... deep, red hot rage to a light red/pink hue of mild irritation. A rainbow of emotions within the human experience, and only experiencing the sunny yellow of joy doesn't allow us to experience the full rainbow. 

As with day and night... if we continuously experience daylight, wouldn’t it get a bit boring? Notice how after a cold, dark, wet winter, spring arrives with more light and warmth. Feels good right? 

We truly appreciate the light when we've experienced darkness too. 

To appreciate the wonderful nature of joy and happiness, we also need to understand what sadness and grief feels like. Doesn't mean we need to wallow in self-pity and grief for days and weeks. It simply means when an emotion arises - acknowledge it, feel it, learn from it and then let it go.  

All emotions are valid. This goes for ourselves too... all parts are valid.  

Click to Tweet: "Only accepting the lighter side of ourselves doesn't bring wholehearted self-acceptance. The shadow needs acknowledging too" Emma Bradford

Emotions (Energy in MOTION) are messengers giving us an invitation. Presenting a door that leads onto something else. If we decide to suppress, ignore, avoid certain emotions it's as if we keep the door closed unable to connect to the wonderful experience on the other side.

We miss out.

Often what prevents us to fully embrace emotions are our beliefs about them from past events. If we believe that crying our sadness or expressing anger is 'wrong' then whenever we feel sadness or anger we'll want to avoid or suppress it. 

It's not the emotion itself... it's the meanings we've attached to them from past experiences.

Afraid of what others might think - fear of showing our vulnerable side in case we're rejected. Vulnerability actually creates deeper bonds. 

Afraid of how it may feel - as we've attached a meaning that __x__ emotion always = pain. As a society we often search for instant pleasure rather than long term happiness. There's a difference between the two and often it's the latter that we really want even if we don't realise it. Searching for instant pleasure and avoiding certain emotions in the process won't bring us long term happiness. 

By opening ourselves to emotions, we open ourselves up to a whole world of experiences and insights. Emotions invite us to experience something else completely different and wonderful in and beyond them. 

Anger can lead to...

• Passion... creative fuel for new projects, missions and new rights.
• Self-esteem... by teaching us about our boundaries, our value and lead us to greater self-worth if we choose to observe the messages and act accordingly.
• Motivation... to create change.
• Etc..

Sadness can lead to...

• Understanding... of what we're experiencing.
• Gratitude... for what we had and have and to fully appreciate the uplifting times. Any sadness I've experienced, acted among many things as a reminder to appreciate what I have and become more present. To truly appreciate the wonderful joys that life has to offer that we can easily take for granted or miss in daily life.
• Connection... with others when we open up and share how we feel. The film 'Inside Out' is a wonderful example of this.
• Etc...

Fear can lead to...

• Courage... to feel the fear and do what we want anyway, recognising how brave we can be.
• Safety... so we can get ourselves out of risky situations if need be.
• Awareness... recognising our priorities and increasing our focus.
• Etc...

In other words it's not the hammer, it's the intention and action we choose to do with the hammer that's important. 

For too long certain emotions have been given a bad reputation, seen as something to be avoided whereas it's simply HOW we express them that's key. Expressing anger by dancing or painting how we feel is very different to punching someone in the face and spreading the anger further. The first transforms the energy, the second multiplies it.

So if anger (for example) isn't 'bad' why do we need to transform it? 

When we remain stuck and attached to certain emotions we interrupt the flow and they can build up within. A mild irritation at first may later become red hot rage if we don't see it for what it is, learn from it and express it in a healthy and productive way from the beginning. Plus I think most of us can agree that a little more peace, love and healing on this planet could be somewhat helpful!

It´s finding a balance, allowing ourselves to go with the flow, without remaining stuck to heavier emotions for too long. That's where NLP and the many other useful techniques and practices out there come in handy. Remaining stuck in certain emotional states can keep us demotivated, dis-empowered and affect our health.

Notice I use the word heavier instead of negative. If we label and judge certain emotions as negative, the more we interrupt the flow. Heavier emotions are the ones where we want to contract and withdraw... lighter emotions are the ones where we feel expansive and open.

By ignoring the knocking on the door of an emotion we miss the insight and gift... and it will only come back louder and stronger another time. 

As they say... what we resist, persists!

If we're learning something through the experience of an emotion can we really label that emotion as negative? Surely gaining new insights can be a wonderful thing, right?

So I wonder... what really lies beyond that door.

I'd love to hear from you, if you're experiencing a particular emotion what is it inviting you to connect with right now? What door is being presented to you? Let me know in the comment section below.

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How We Can Transform Fear Into Love

I feel I write about this more and more lately, and it's too important to stop.

This time it came closer than ever. 

Barcelona, my home, my beautiful city was attacked. I was in shock when I first heard, and at the same time there was a feeling for a while that Barcelona might be a prime target with Las Ramblas welcoming millions of people every year.

It's with tears, deep sadness... yet a deep knowing and optimism that I wrote this following words to my dear Barcelona meetup members. I felt the need to share some words to my community, knowing some had to run for their lives, to show support, and however much or little we are connected to recent events - these words can be applied to virtually anything.

The shadow of this world is not easy to experience, yet we don't need to let it stop us from continuing to believe and act according to what many of us value in life - love & peace. Just as I say with the Inner Critic... let us observe, learn and continue regardless creating positive change as we do. 

Click to Tweet: "Seeing people's fearful actions doesn't give us permission to give up on our loving actions" Emma Bradford

It's challenging times like these that can bring up varied responses... naturally we're all different. Some use their anger and hate to fuel more hate and hurtful actions, others want to avoid talking about the challenging emotions all together and only talk about love and light. 

First let us remember this...

It's OK to experience sadness... let's use that sadness and transform it when we connect, find understanding and share support.

It's OK to experience anger... let's use that anger constructively to create meaningful actions and community projects that create positive change in society.

It's OK to experience fear and pain when we hear of events like these... let's use it as a reminder to reconnect with loving words and actions as much as possible and not remain stuck in the vibration of fear as we continue our lives.

There's a difference...

Experiencing and passing through certain emotions is completely different to brushing over and avoiding them because they are a 'lower' vibration. Spiritual bypassing gets us nowhere. Yes, as much as we connect to love the better... though without acknowledging the current situation as it is first and any emotions that may be present we miss a wonderful opportunity to transform the collective fear at many levels.

Some might say, we cannot transform something without knowing, acknowledging and understanding what we want to transform first. 

Emotions are fuel... let us USE the pain, anger and sadness we feel to propel us into creating more love in whichever way feels right for us.

• Acts of kindness to those in the streets, affected to show that despite fear, love remains.
• Volunteering and offering support... the plus side of Facebook is that there is a huge amount on offer right now for those in need in our city. Beautiful to see how the city is coming together.
• And simply by stepping out of our houses, regardless of any fear and continuing with our life because we believe in something better.
• And so much more.

We're in this together, whether we're from Barcelona or not. This is a worldwide issue. A doorway of opportunity is being opened to us now... as a society we are called to face, learn from and find the gifts in the shadow using our combined light. Rather than reject it completely.

This is both within ourselves at a personal level and in whats going on in the planet right now. 

Everything is connected. We're being called to bring more connection, understanding, peace and love into our daily lives and communities on a regular basis... not just when difficult times occur. 

Connection, support, conversation, positive action.

Let's do all that we possibly can to ACKNOWLEDGE what happens, LEARN from it and then bring even more LOVE into society... even if it's simply to offer support and comfort to those deeply affected by challenging events.

This is how we can transform fear into love.

Spreading the love further

Here are a few options to choose from if you wish to spread the love further...

I'd love to hear from you... what loving action will you take today?
Have a friend that would find this useful? Please spread the love and share this link.
Want more? Check out the latest post on how we can find the gifts in the shadow here.
Looking for Support? FREE online community here. 

Removing Self Critcism

Beliefs about ourselves can affect the life we experience. Not only can these Limiting Beliefs lower our confidence and self esteem, they can also filter our reality so we only experience a life that matches beliefs we store at an unconscious level.

Maybe you notice at times a critical voice inside saying 'I can't do that because...' 'I can't have that because...' 'I can't be that because...'

Sometimes these beliefs can be hidden too, we go about our life working towards a goal and on a unconscious level self sabotage our efforts...all because deep down there is a limiting belief.

Hidden Limiting Beliefs can be found in many different ways, one simple way to start is by stating in the present tense that you have/are whatever you were working towards - as if you have achieved it already. Notice what thoughts come up after...quite often a limiting belief can pop up.


Wouldn't it be great to let go of this self criticism?


On the 19th of July I will be explaining how to...

1) UNCOVER hidden limiting beliefs; find out what is really holding you back.

2) LOOSEN limiting beliefs using specific NLP Language Patterns for both yourself and others.

3) REMOVE Limiting Beliefs using simple yet effective NLP exercises and start believing you CAN achieve your desired outcome.

More information can be found here


If you are not part of meetup.com and wish to attend simply email info@emmabradford.net and I can reserve you a place.

Wishing you a wonderful weekend!

5 Steps to Increased Confidence...

I quote these talks a lot in coaching sessions, workshops and meetups. 

Great message, amusing, and useful tips on how to increase our happiness and confidence levels.

The other week I carried out a 'The Power of The Mind' workshop in Barcelona looking at how our mind influences our body. What we think, creates emotions through our internal representations and meanings that we attach to experiences, which then in turn affect our physiology and behaviour.

I also touched on the reverse, how the body can affect the mind. Studies have shown that if we adopt a high power pose (body posture that we naturally take when we win something or are in a position of power) we actually create a chemical reaction within the body which then starts to affect our state of mind.

By adopting one of these power poses and also linking it with a memory when we felt confident in the past we can create a powerful kinaesthetic anchor to use whenever we need to. I started doing this when I completed my first NLP training in 2012, using the anchor every day. Now I find its so powerful I just have to use it for a few seconds whenever I feel I need an extra boost and to keep the anchor topped up full of energy. 

5 STEPS TO INCREASED CONFIDENCE

• STEP 1: Recall a memory when you felt totally confident, the strongest memory you can think of. As you think about this memory with your eyes closed, adopt an 'arms up in the air' position with your chin slightly lifted as if you have just won a race (see example in video).

• STEP 2: See what you see in that memory hear what you hear in that memory, and with every breath notice that your confidence levels become stronger and stronger. Notice what you say to yourself when you feel totally confident. 

• STEP 3: Increase the level of all senses making the images of your memory in your minds eye BIGGER and BRIGHTER, sounds CLEARER and LOUDER, feelings STRONGER and STRONGER with every breath and repeat your internal dialogue to yourself a couple of times...notice how totally confident you feel now!

• STEP 4: Open your eyes, put your arms down and do something to clear your mind such as listening to a song, counting to 20 out loud, watching a video clip of your favourite film. This acts as what we call a 'Break State' which helps to lock in place the anchor we created previously. Take a moment to notice how you feel now before testing the anchor, have a quick mental scan of your body.

• STEP 5: Test the anchor. Close your eyes, put your arms up in the air in the same position as you previously did and notice what changes. What is different now? How has your level of confidence changed now? Some may also start to notice changes to breathing, or thoughts of the previous memory coming back.

Use this every day for at least 30 seconds whenever you have a moment to yourself, when you first get up out of bed, when you are in the toilet behind closed doors etc and you can lock in place a powerful resource anchor to use whenever you need to in the future. Perfect to use before interviews and exams, increasing your levels of success!

Good stuff eh?!