Reconnecting With LIFE

For the last few years, each summer I do the same thing.

Social media break for the ENTIRE month. 

To be honest, every time I reconnect after the break, I feel reluctant to start again because it feels so good to switch off!

Not that useful for online business owners, though the good thing is, each time I return my boundaries are firmer, my priorities in life are clearer and moving forward I use social media more and more for work only.

With much of the world online nowadays it can be challenging for businesses, social life and more if we're not connected online. 

 

Especially this year. 

 

Social media has been an easy way to remain connected with loved ones during times of physical distance. It's great for keeping in contact, learning new things and spreading the word.

 

Social media is also designed to attract our attention and fulfil many needs. In fact, it touches upon all 6 of the 6 Basic Human Needs which is why it can be so addictive…

 

• Love and Connection – Connecting and sharing with loved ones 
• Significance – Receiving likes, comments and emojis 
• (Perceived) Certainty – Logging in each time knowing where certain things are, the same icons appear, familiar colours and logos
• Uncertainty (Variety) – Scrolling with new news updates, new emojis and backgrounds to use
• Growth – Learning new things about people and the world
• Contribution – Offering support to others, helping non-profits, providing a service

 

Notice how many social media apps fulfil each of these needs… albeit sometimes in a rather superficial, distant way compared to in person heartfelt connection.

Despite the companies best efforts to capture our attention we can create a healthy balance being mindful of how we use it and how they entice us.

 

It’s possible.

 

Ever wondered why they choose the colour RED for notifications and not another colour? Red is often considered the colour of urgency, enhancing that desire to click quick to find out who has commented or liked or messaged.

Though by being aware of the ‘shadow’ of social media we can place healthy boundaries and decide what usage works for our health and well-being.

Personally, total breaks work really well for me, especially during holiday season. This year reflecting on what I’ve learnt I thought to share some of these insights in case anyone else feels inspired to take a break or wants some tips on how to do it.

 

Benefits…

• I felt more present, observing the beauty around me.
• I had more time for other things… way more time.
• I opened up space to learn from within and from nature.
• I was creating conscious connection... mindfully choosing who and what to enter my energetic field.
• Any residual anxiety from this year’s events reduced significantly.
• Greater stillness, calmness and relief.
• Deeper connection to self, few trusted loved ones, nature and LIFE itself.
• Expanded awareness of past actions and choices.
• Moments of boredom, which were the birthplace for creativity to arise.
• Flexibility, finding other ways to connect with loved ones, find news and spend my time.
• Patience.
• Non attachment.
• My health improved significantly being away from phones and screens.
• Increased satisfaction with the little (BIG) things in life, the gifts that surround us in every moment.
• I felt lighter.
• My attention span increased for other activities or when I simply wanted to BE.

 

And much more…

 

It was interesting, initially I noticed the unconscious habit with my hands automatically searching for app without thinking. A clear sign how ingrained the habit of checking social media had become. This was made easier to break by deleting the relevant apps and reorganising the main screen on my phone.

 

Pattern interrupt.

 

This is what we talk about in NLP – finding ways to interrupt the strategies we have for unwanted habits. Always pressing on the snooze button each morning? I wonder what happens when the alarm is placed in a different location so the unconscious mind doesn’t have it so easy to repeat the same habit?

I also noticed that I can survive perfectly fine, have a social life and continue to learn and grow without my mobile and certain apps on a regular basis. Going mobile free for periods of time is highly beneficial.

 

Mobiles and apps are useful… and there is still REAL LIFE around us too.

 

Life is beyond the screens.

Want to take a break though not sure how to start to make it last?

• Decide which apps you want a break from. Are you prone to scrolling? Or constantly checking messages? A social media break doesn’t mean everything at once – find what works for you.
• Decide on a time frame. You may want a big break like I did or simply for a few days. If you use social media for work pick the best times for you to take a break without affecting your work significantly.
• Social accountability can work wonders for goal setting and support. Each break I take I announce it online for a few reasons…

1. My clients, meetup members and students follow me online so I want them to be aware that during a certain time frame I’ll be responding to emails only.
2. I want to encourage others to take the break if they feel the need.
3. By announcing it online I have created social accountability, therefore if ever I desire to quickly check messages (which rarely happens as it feels so good to switch off) I remind myself that people expect me to be offline during that time so that acts as motivation to stay offline.

• Delete the relevant apps off your phone, reorganise the main screen to interrupt any old habits.
• Find ways to remain connected with loved ones. Social media break doesn’t need to mean being disconnected completely. Arrange that skype call, call a friend, post a letter and keep connected with loved ones you trust and value.
• Start a new hobby, book, puzzle or practice.
• Be mindful of the 6 Basic Human Needs. If social media fulfils many of the 6 basic human needs, being aware of this can be useful in mindfully fulfilling these needs elsewhere in a constructive, healthy way.

 

Have you had a social media break?

What did you learn? I'd love to know.

I’ll be announcing some classes and training's very soon to transform our relationship with emotions and negative self-talk, make sure you’re signed up to my newsletter to receive the updates if you’re taking a social media break!

How To Navigate Challenging Times... The Difference That Makes The Difference

A friend asked once... "how do we navigate difficult times?" 

How do we get through it? 

What helps, what doesn't? 

Whilst in the past I would of replied 'I'm fine', keeping things fairly surface level if something challenging arose, brushing everything under the carpet. Nowadays I find myself sharing more, opening more.

'CONNECT' is my answer.

Whether that's connecting with ourselves, with others, with nature, with universal energy... it all can provide immense support and healing. 

This is constructive comfort, as I call it. Rather than searching for the full tub of ice cream solely to numb how we feel on a regular basis. 

In practice... 

This summer a family member passed on, transitioned into the next realm, no longer in the physical yet the energy lives on... even if some say that's simply within our memories and hearts. 

Whilst this family member was old and lived a long life, I felt the empty gap and sadness as I started to adjust to new family life, and the need to connect as I navigated this precious time. 

I sent a message to a few local friends, explaining that during the next few months I'd like to connect more, especially during the times I would have usually seen that family member in the past. Not out of distraction or to avoid the sadness I felt, though as a form of support as I get used to new family life and experience the emotions that arise. 

"This is how we find the light in darker times" I said to them as I shared how I felt.

CONNECTION. 

It's using the difficult times as a reminder to connect at all the levels we feel necessary. 

Click To Tweet: "Want connection? Create Connection" Emma Bradford

If we're navigating a challenging time...

Sometimes we may want alone time. If this is the case we can find the light during these moments by creating space to connect with ourselves and nature. A moment to observe, reflect, and simply be. 

Just like the beauty that can be experienced when we observe the night sky. It's dark yet can still be incredibly beautiful when witnessed. 

And sometimes we may want additional support too. If this is the case we can find the light during challenging moments by reaching out, connecting with loved ones. 

By creating connection, at whatever level we choose, can help us navigate through these moments helping us to find the gifts in them. CONNECTION is the LIGHT that darker times offers us. It's an invitation. Helping us realise that the darkness at its core is actually made of light too. 

It just needs us to flick the switch on.

To create connection, in whatever way feels right for us... to be that navigating light during difficult times.

It's our choice. 

What helps you navigate challenging times? Let me know in the comment section below. 

Have a friend going through a difficult time? Offer a helping hand and share this post. 

Want more? Full details on trainings, workshops, coaching, audios and more on my website.

How To Gain True Life Satisfaction

Life. 

Duality. 

I was reminded of this a few weeks back, celebrating the success of my recent NLP Graduate students - what an awesome group! And the same week hearing news of a friend that unexpectedly passed away. 

On one hand I wanted to jump for joy and celebrate the success of my students... on the other I wanted to cry, grieve - shocked at the sudden news of my friend. 

It was a BIG reminder on how valuable life is, and how we can take it for granted. 

Hours passing by scrolling Facebook or taking the 100th photo for the perfect Instagram selfie. I read a post once by Karly Nimmo who has a two shot rule. She won't take more than two photos - and then one of those gets posted. 

Or perhaps we binge eat, binge watch Netflix, use alcohol or smoking to disconnect from pain we may be feeling.

If endless social media or another vice really fulfills us deeply then by all means we can continue as long as it doesn't harm our health. More often than not it doesn't fulfill us in the long term - if we're really honest with ourselves, we're looking for something else deep down. 

Love, belonging, connection, acceptance, excitement, variety, significance... the list goes on.

It's when we move through challenges, finding insights and learning from those moments that we transform the need to stick a 'Netflix plaster' over how we feel. 

There can be ups and downs. 

Life can bring moments of joy and love... and moments of anger and grief. Much of how we experience things is to do with what stories we tell ourselves about things. Whether we're conscious of this or not. Our thoughts & beliefs create the frustration, struggle, stress and more. Sometimes we may not want to acknowledge this, because when we do we can't point the finger anymore. We're responsible. 

For our life.

How we choose to live it. 

Whilst we may not be able to directly change all circumstances in the world and other peoples behaviour. One of our greatest gifts in life is that we have the gift of choice. Choice on what actions we take or don't take. How we choose to respond to things and see situations. 

And this needn't mean an overwhelming list of do's and don'ts, feeling angry with ourselves if we are triggered yet again by a particular person or situation. Or feeling pressure to create big changes out of fear, setting goals looking for perfection as we believe it will bring a sense of belonging, rather than out of love for ourselves and our future.

Choice can simply mean choosing to make most of the simple little things. To really LIVE this life we are living in this human experience. 

For example...

• Stepping outside and breathing deeply rather than take our freedom to do this as granted.
• Observing the beauty of a flower rather than hurriedly pass it by.
• Closing our eyes and feeling the sunshine on our skin rather than think about endless to do lists.
• Hearing the sounds that surround us as individual sounds of a larger orchestra rather than noise.
• Noticing what we say to our self when we reconnect to the beauty of life in this way rather than beat ourselves up.

The list is endless. 

There are many options and choices available. 

Let's start with small, micro actions and experiences. It can be the small and simple things that often are the most powerful and beneficial.

I wonder... how many valuable things can we experience today?

Now I'd love to hear from you: What little blessing do you notice right now in your experience? Let me know in the comment section below. And join us in the online community.

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And if you want more information on trainings and how you can transform your life experience using NLP with heart - check out the latest trainings here.

Emotions Uncovered: The Hidden Benefits of Anger, Sadness & Fear

Emotions. 

Painful? Uplifting? Two sides of the same coin.

There are many different shades of anger... deep, red hot rage to a light red/pink hue of mild irritation. A rainbow of emotions within the human experience, and only experiencing the sunny yellow of joy doesn't allow us to experience the full rainbow. 

As with day and night... if we continuously experience daylight, wouldn’t it get a bit boring? Notice how after a cold, dark, wet winter, spring arrives with more light and warmth. Feels good right? 

We truly appreciate the light when we've experienced darkness too. 

To appreciate the wonderful nature of joy and happiness, we also need to understand what sadness and grief feels like. Doesn't mean we need to wallow in self-pity and grief for days and weeks. It simply means when an emotion arises - acknowledge it, feel it, learn from it and then let it go.  

All emotions are valid. This goes for ourselves too... all parts are valid.  

Click to Tweet: "Only accepting the lighter side of ourselves doesn't bring wholehearted self-acceptance. The shadow needs acknowledging too" Emma Bradford

Emotions (Energy in MOTION) are messengers giving us an invitation. Presenting a door that leads onto something else. If we decide to suppress, ignore, avoid certain emotions it's as if we keep the door closed unable to connect to the wonderful experience on the other side.

We miss out.

Often what prevents us to fully embrace emotions are our beliefs about them from past events. If we believe that crying our sadness or expressing anger is 'wrong' then whenever we feel sadness or anger we'll want to avoid or suppress it. 

It's not the emotion itself... it's the meanings we've attached to them from past experiences.

Afraid of what others might think - fear of showing our vulnerable side in case we're rejected. Vulnerability actually creates deeper bonds. 

Afraid of how it may feel - as we've attached a meaning that __x__ emotion always = pain. As a society we often search for instant pleasure rather than long term happiness. There's a difference between the two and often it's the latter that we really want even if we don't realise it. Searching for instant pleasure and avoiding certain emotions in the process won't bring us long term happiness. 

By opening ourselves to emotions, we open ourselves up to a whole world of experiences and insights. Emotions invite us to experience something else completely different and wonderful in and beyond them. 

Anger can lead to...

• Passion... creative fuel for new projects, missions and new rights.
• Self-esteem... by teaching us about our boundaries, our value and lead us to greater self-worth if we choose to observe the messages and act accordingly.
• Motivation... to create change.
• Etc..

Sadness can lead to...

• Understanding... of what we're experiencing.
• Gratitude... for what we had and have and to fully appreciate the uplifting times. Any sadness I've experienced, acted among many things as a reminder to appreciate what I have and become more present. To truly appreciate the wonderful joys that life has to offer that we can easily take for granted or miss in daily life.
• Connection... with others when we open up and share how we feel. The film 'Inside Out' is a wonderful example of this.
• Etc...

Fear can lead to...

• Courage... to feel the fear and do what we want anyway, recognising how brave we can be.
• Safety... so we can get ourselves out of risky situations if need be.
• Awareness... recognising our priorities and increasing our focus.
• Etc...

In other words it's not the hammer, it's the intention and action we choose to do with the hammer that's important. 

For too long certain emotions have been given a bad reputation, seen as something to be avoided whereas it's simply HOW we express them that's key. Expressing anger by dancing or painting how we feel is very different to punching someone in the face and spreading the anger further. The first transforms the energy, the second multiplies it.

So if anger (for example) isn't 'bad' why do we need to transform it? 

When we remain stuck and attached to certain emotions we interrupt the flow and they can build up within. A mild irritation at first may later become red hot rage if we don't see it for what it is, learn from it and express it in a healthy and productive way from the beginning. Plus I think most of us can agree that a little more peace, love and healing on this planet could be somewhat helpful!

It´s finding a balance, allowing ourselves to go with the flow, without remaining stuck to heavier emotions for too long. That's where NLP and the many other useful techniques and practices out there come in handy. Remaining stuck in certain emotional states can keep us demotivated, dis-empowered and affect our health.

Notice I use the word heavier instead of negative. If we label and judge certain emotions as negative, the more we interrupt the flow. Heavier emotions are the ones where we want to contract and withdraw... lighter emotions are the ones where we feel expansive and open.

By ignoring the knocking on the door of an emotion we miss the insight and gift... and it will only come back louder and stronger another time. 

As they say... what we resist, persists!

If we're learning something through the experience of an emotion can we really label that emotion as negative? Surely gaining new insights can be a wonderful thing, right?

So I wonder... what really lies beyond that door.

I'd love to hear from you, if you're experiencing a particular emotion what is it inviting you to connect with right now? What door is being presented to you? Let me know in the comment section below.

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7 Ways To Find Comfort In Times Of Uncertainty

What do we do when something unexpected happens? 

Do we become stuck in a state of anger blaming everything and everyone around us? 

Or do we notice emotions arising, choosing to observe, learn and move on? 

I was reminded about this on a recent trip to the UK when I had each flight delayed 2 hours and a car break down all in one weekend. Yes really! It was through these experiences that  my travelling partners and I were reminded of the helpful aspects of previously perceived 'set backs' and times of uncertainty.

We have a choice...we can choose some of the below options or we can choose to remain stuck in a state of anger. It's ok to notice some frustration and anger...its what we do with the emotions that count. To hold on, resist and try to shift the responsibility to others may not necessarily bring the healthiest outcome.

• We can start observing the present moment...which for many people passes by without much thought or attention (myself included at times). With these moments we can take a moment to sit, observe and take in what is really going on around us. Would we really notice families hugging, or hearing a child's laugh if we didn't have that moment to stop? And by noticing this how does that affect your state? Also by observing how we feel internally we may notice we may need to give ourselves some more comfort before we angrily snap at others.

• We can find hidden benefits...that we may have missed previously. How have you benefited from this setback or moment of delay? What have you gained? What have you learnt?

• We can build a greater connection with ourselves and others. Without that moment to stop would you be having that conversation? Without that moment would you take the time to reflect and connect to yourself? 

• We are reminded not to take things for granted. We can assume that everything will go according to plan, which (with travel especially) anything could happen. What are you grateful for in this moment? 

• We can become more flexible...through experiences like these we then know how to deal with any future situations that could arise.

• We can have a moment to re-evaluate our life...is this situation reflecting anything for you and your travel partners? What can you learn from this?

• We can take a moment to rest...which sometimes many people often don't do. Having that moment to stop, breathe and observe can act like a meditation for the mind and body. 

• We may surprise ourselves...sometimes through unexpected situations we can realise things about ourselves that we may of not previously noticed. Old beliefs connected to situations may no longer seem to be an issue. What is different now?

If you notice that you are becoming frustrated or angry when in a situation ask yourself this...

Is it really worth holding onto this anger? And what emotion is lying underneath this? Often fear is hidden away beneath the initial frustration...fear of what may or may not happen, anxiety of the uncertainty, sadness of missing out on something or even fear of what people may think. Upon realising this we have the choice to either hold on to unhelpful states or embrace ourselves in a time of need.

Observing, connecting, finding the hidden benefits and taking a moment to breathe...

It's that comfort that can help us feel whole lot better.

What do you find helps? 

Less Correcting and More Connecting

I was at work tidying away the boxes of tea and noticed a phrase on the tea bag label of a well known herbal tea company. 

This phrase made me stop and think when I came across it. Not only because its something that I have worked on personally in the past, it is also something that I have found quite common among people I have encountered throughout my life so far.

Do less correcting and more connecting

When we correct ourselves from an area of judgement we disconnect from our true self, become stuck in a state of fear and limiting beliefs of 'I'm not good enough' = loosing the connection

When we correct others through judgements we build up a wall between them and us = loosing the connection.

What is important here is to acknowledge what we mean by correction. It may seem hypocritical for some for a NLP Coach to say not to correct to ourselves and improve areas of our life. It depends what you mean by correcting. Personally, NLP is about remembering who we are and our great capabilities. So whilst it may feel that we are correcting (improving) ourselves, what we are really doing is remembering our true selves before we piled on the limiting beliefs and self sabotaging behaviours.

So the real issue here is... are we correcting (improving) areas of our self from a place of love, releasing what no longer benefits us or are we correcting (judging) from a place of fear?

Correcting out of judgement can break connections. If we continue to judge others and ourselves we just drift further away from the connection we desire. Note that writing this doesn't mean I am perfect either, its through my many mistakes and challenges and a couple of successes that I feel I can talk about topics such as this.

When we accept all of our imperfections, continuing to improve what no longer works for us we connect to our core, our true self = more connection

When we accept others as they are whilst maintaining respect and value for ourselves, we build a stronger connection between us = more connection

This does not mean to say that you need to accept hurtful or harmful behaviour from others by not ´correcting´ them. You can still connect in a loving relationship or friendship whilst being a high value person. High value, meaning that you acknowledge your needs and desires whilst cooperating with the other, accepting their map of the world too and finding a solution that works for the highest good of everyone.

Good Vibrations Barcelona - I Trust you, Do You Trust Me Social Experiment www.facebook.com/goodvibrationsbarcelona

Correcting (improving) to then remember our true self and our capabilities can enhance connection

Correcting out of judgement and fear can move us further away from ourselves and harm connections with others

By noticing judgements that come up in day to day life we can question ourselves what may be behind that initial judgement and acknowledge that from a place of love.


Are we fearful about what others may think?

Are we so scared of rejection that we reject others first?


Are we continuing to find faults in ourselves so to confirm the ´Im not good enough´ limiting belief and remain in our comfort zone? For some to release this is more scary than the affect of the belief itself. For some succeeding can be frightening as it questions all the limitations we had previously believed and it brings unknown experiences.


When do you feel most connected to yourself and others?

How can you increase these connections on a daily/weekly basis?