How To REALLY Let Hurt Go... 5 Steps To Emotional Freedom

"There's always a reason" we hear people say.

A positive intention behind every behaviour.

Yes, that's right, you heard it here first - binging on chocolate may actually serving you at some level. Whether that level is good for your long term well-being, is another question!

In excess it may create unwanted, unhealthy side affects, though if there was no gain whatsoever (positive intention) even if you're not aware of it consciously,  you wouldn't do it in the first place.

Same goes for running from committed relationships, working all hours until you are burnt out, excessive Facebook scrolling (yes I've been guilty at times too!) and even snapping at a loved ones.

There's always a hidden positive intention.

So how can someone being mean to another or drinking excessively until it creates alcoholism be a positive thing?

Surely it's negative right?

First of all we need to differentiate between BEHAVIOUR and INTENTION. Behaviour is the by product, the action taken. Intention is the unconscious (and sometimes conscious) meaning, beliefs and drive of what the search is all about.

I was talking about this with a dear friend recently who was worried about a family member, trying hard not to take things personally...

"Respond to her, not her behaviour." I said.

In other words realise that deep down behind the masks, the layers, the fears and doubts which influence behaviour... there is something so much more.

Deep, deep within there is a living spark, an energy, pure love, light, a Soul... whatever you wish to call it. This is the true essence within and whilst maintaining your values and self-respect you can connect to others from this perspective. 

When we are on the receiving end of hurtful behaviour it can be all too easy to slip into a fearful egotistical battle of who's right and who's wrong, forgetting that deep down virtually everyone simply wants to feel loved. Even if some tend to go about it in a rather funny way!

Tweet this: "Matching FEAR with FEAR does not create LOVE" Emma Bradford 

www.emmabradford.net 

Respect yourself and others and connect to love rather than  fear. Be the one to change the pattern,  and notice what transforms.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm by no means perfect. 

It's through my many slip ups, mistakes and observations that I learn what can help both myself and clients too. As I continue this journey, I have noticed more and more the lack of desire to take part in the battle of who is right or wrong. Sure I have my opinions, and I am passionate about what I believe in... I just recognise the benefit of letting it go too when needed.

Talking of letting it go - how on earth do we do that?

I've read so many articles and books over the years where authors state 'just let it go'. Before I learnt the NLP and Self-Awareness techniques I now know, I always responded with... "but HOW?"

If we've been hurt, HOW do we let it go? Easier said than done right?

So what's the magic formula?

5 Steps To REALLY Let Hurt Go

1) ACKNOWLEDGE & ACCEPT HOW YOU FEEL RIGHT NOW:

You've probably heard the phrase 'What you resist, persists' right? Emotions are simply energy-in-motion and acknowledging how we truly feel first without judgement is the fastest way to start letting things go.

Give yourself time and space first to gently express how you feel. One way that I often recommend clients to do this is by using the 'I feel...' page that I created (grab your FREE download here).

This exercise was invaluable for me too going through a relationship breakup last year. Completely heartbroken, it gave me an effective outlet in the grieving process, helping to steadily climb my way out of the black hole that I felt had surrounded me at the time.

2) SET THE INTENTION:

Set your intention for how you want to feel and experience life... focusing on what you WANT rather than what you don't. This, in conjunction with the other steps helps to create direction and clarity. It also tells your RAS, a part of your brain connected with filtering how you experience life what you really want to experience thus affecting that outcome.

Focus on what you want, and the direction you want to go in.

3) FIND MEANING & UNDERSTANDING:

You've probably heard me mention many times Tony Robbin's famous line of  "If life happens FOR us rather than to us, what can we learn here?". There's a point... it helps us to find meaning in painful situations and as 'A Man's Search For Meaning' Author, Victor Frankl stated in his best selling book - when people find meaning they can get through anything. This is where the looking beyond people's behaviour as I mentioned earlier in this post and finding the positive intention can work wonders.

What is really going on here? 

What can I learn here?

How can this experience help me reconnect with my true self within even further? 

4) CONNECT TO LOVE:

When you come from the perspective of 'we're just Souls experiencing a physical life' or 'we're simply living breathing human being's, all looking to feel love and belonging' (however some people may go about it!) it can be a lot easier to connect to a compassionate and loving view of that person.

I have also found that remembering that each and every person just like myself at some point in their life has felt alone, hurt and struggling. Those moments where I have felt at my lowest, others have also felt that too. This is one way I quickly and naturally connect to the humble human connection recognising that we're all the same. This can quickly transform into compassion for others when connected to this perspective. 

After finding meaning (as I mention in step 3) allow this to transform into feeling gratitude for what you have learnt from that experience. By doing so, this helps to connect to the vibration of love and send it toward the other person involved, thanking them for the deep lesson. Energetically when we connect to love, things can heal much faster.

5) REPROGRAMME YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND:

And this is key that most people forget.

Our unconscious mind controls much more than we think... some Scientists say up to 99% of what we do is influenced by our unconscious so if we don't make the necessary changes at an neurological level, sometimes the healing process can take much, much longer than we anticipated. That's not to say you can't heal at all by only working on things consciously... its possible, as everything is connected. Though to create quick long lasting results, techniques like NLP can be wonderful, effective tools for change. Making sure that at all levels your beliefs, emotions and behaviours are congruent and aligned. If we don't remove the negative attachments, patterns can repeat again, and again.

It's like having storeroom filled with food and supplies... if you don't remove that rotten onion at the back of the basket, the bad smell with continue to remain present no matter how much you try to freshen the air!

You can find more information on this blog about how to work with the unconscious mind, attend one of my classes or sign up for personal coaching sessions... www.emmabradford.net 

Now it's over to you!  

Which of these 5 steps did you find most useful and why? Using the comment section below I'd love to hear your shares.

Have a friend going through a challenging time? Offer them a helping hand and forward on this post.

If you'd like to be the first to receive these monthly insights, and receive a FREE Boosting Self-Esteem kit too, head on over to my WEBSITE where you can sign up for positive change.

How To Let Go Of Excess Emotional Baggage

Emotions are funny things aren't they? 

Catching us off guard and making us say things we don't want to say or do what we don't want to do. Common belief is that things just happen to us...we have no control over life and how we feel - now that's a powerless position to put ourselves in! And a scary one too, never knowing what's around the corner or if we'd be able to handle it.

Can we really control our emotions? 

Good news. The answer is YES! How we experience life is much to do with what is going on in our 'control tower' - our brain! The thoughts and images that we choose to focus on in our mind all have a meaning that we attach to it. For each person the meanings are different - we each have our own 'map of the world' or 'pair of glasses' if you like and its by focusing on these meanings, thoughts and beliefs that we have the control of creating lighter or heavier emotional states. It's up to us. 

Not easy, I know.

I certainly have my moments too. The magic part though is being aware and accepting responsibility which can bring a HUGE sense of freedom. We have a choice, we can mope around all day and point the finger elsewhere (easy to do!) or we can accept that the quickest way things will change is by doing something about it and to start changing our focus (more effort at first but oh so more rewarding!).  

So when you next catch yourself starting to feel sad, angry or frustrated...trace back your thoughts and notice where your focus was. Quite often you'll notice negative thoughts such as 'its not working, I cant do anything right' or 'he hasn't replied, he's lost interest in me'...hmmm not so uplifting thoughts eh? 

No wonder we feel rubbish afterwards!

So how can we let go of the emotional baggage if we find ourselves swimming in heavy emotions? 


1) Openness & Loving Awareness: Being open to consider a different perspective, noticing how we feel and tracing back our thoughts to find the root cause. Notice the word 'loving' here. This is not about beating ourselves up again for having a negative thought in the first place...simply be curious and notice.

2) Re-framing: Challenge your thoughts and beliefs and re-frame the situation. Is it really that 'he's lost interest'? Or perhaps he's had a challenging day?

3) Creative Release: If you still feel some of that emotion you wish to let go of, find a creative outlet to release it whether be that through dance, exercise, writing or art etc. I often encourage clients to write what I call the 'I feel...' page if I notice there needs to be more of a release. 

Taking out an A4 piece of paper and repeating and finishing the sentence 'I feel...' until they have completely covered the page. Emotions are like energetic heavy weights if we hold onto them...by writing things down we can let go of some of those weights, allowing the emotions to express their true nature and simply be the 'energy in motion' that they are. Its our constant focus on unhelpful thoughts, judgement and lack of creative release that makes them heavier. Writing the 'I feel...' page followed by screwing up and throwing away the paper can create a huge relief. I also use this technique if ever there is a time I feel the need to let go of excess emotional baggage and it works wonders.

Being an empathetic person myself (yes, its my number one Gallup strength too!) can have its pros and cons. Whilst I often feel what clients are feeling and sense intuitively what needs to be worked on in each moment it can also mean I need to be very loyal to my personal well-being to then ensure I can continue giving the best service possible. Just like when you're travelling by plane and they say 'place your own mask on first before helping others' - because if you don't you simply cannot help others effectively. 


These above tools are fundamental for any empathetic person, or anyone dealing with unpleasant emotions. Try it, notice how much lighter you can feel and let me know what difference you notice in the comments below! Or perhaps you have a technique that works great for you, I'd love to hear your thoughts - feel free to share with everyone in the comments below.

Its through the practice where the real magic happens! 

And finally, do you have friends currently struggling with their emotions? Forward on this post and create pack for a week with your friend, both supporting each other through the 3 step process and discussing the changes that occur...as they say sharing is caring and a helping hand can work wonders.