How To REALLY Let Hurt Go... 5 Steps To Emotional Freedom

"There's always a reason" we hear people say.

A positive intention behind every behaviour.

Yes, that's right, you heard it here first - binging on chocolate may actually serving you at some level. Whether that level is good for your long term well-being, is another question!

In excess it may create unwanted, unhealthy side affects, though if there was no gain whatsoever (positive intention) even if you're not aware of it consciously,  you wouldn't do it in the first place.

Same goes for running from committed relationships, working all hours until you are burnt out, excessive Facebook scrolling (yes I've been guilty at times too!) and even snapping at a loved ones.

There's always a hidden positive intention.

So how can someone being mean to another or drinking excessively until it creates alcoholism be a positive thing?

Surely it's negative right?

First of all we need to differentiate between BEHAVIOUR and INTENTION. Behaviour is the by product, the action taken. Intention is the unconscious (and sometimes conscious) meaning, beliefs and drive of what the search is all about.

I was talking about this with a dear friend recently who was worried about a family member, trying hard not to take things personally...

"Respond to her, not her behaviour." I said.

In other words realise that deep down behind the masks, the layers, the fears and doubts which influence behaviour... there is something so much more.

Deep, deep within there is a living spark, an energy, pure love, light, a Soul... whatever you wish to call it. This is the true essence within and whilst maintaining your values and self-respect you can connect to others from this perspective. 

When we are on the receiving end of hurtful behaviour it can be all too easy to slip into a fearful egotistical battle of who's right and who's wrong, forgetting that deep down virtually everyone simply wants to feel loved. Even if some tend to go about it in a rather funny way!

Tweet this: "Matching FEAR with FEAR does not create LOVE" Emma Bradford 

www.emmabradford.net 

Respect yourself and others and connect to love rather than  fear. Be the one to change the pattern,  and notice what transforms.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm by no means perfect. 

It's through my many slip ups, mistakes and observations that I learn what can help both myself and clients too. As I continue this journey, I have noticed more and more the lack of desire to take part in the battle of who is right or wrong. Sure I have my opinions, and I am passionate about what I believe in... I just recognise the benefit of letting it go too when needed.

Talking of letting it go - how on earth do we do that?

I've read so many articles and books over the years where authors state 'just let it go'. Before I learnt the NLP and Self-Awareness techniques I now know, I always responded with... "but HOW?"

If we've been hurt, HOW do we let it go? Easier said than done right?

So what's the magic formula?

5 Steps To REALLY Let Hurt Go

1) ACKNOWLEDGE & ACCEPT HOW YOU FEEL RIGHT NOW:

You've probably heard the phrase 'What you resist, persists' right? Emotions are simply energy-in-motion and acknowledging how we truly feel first without judgement is the fastest way to start letting things go.

Give yourself time and space first to gently express how you feel. One way that I often recommend clients to do this is by using the 'I feel...' page that I created (grab your FREE download here).

This exercise was invaluable for me too going through a relationship breakup last year. Completely heartbroken, it gave me an effective outlet in the grieving process, helping to steadily climb my way out of the black hole that I felt had surrounded me at the time.

2) SET THE INTENTION:

Set your intention for how you want to feel and experience life... focusing on what you WANT rather than what you don't. This, in conjunction with the other steps helps to create direction and clarity. It also tells your RAS, a part of your brain connected with filtering how you experience life what you really want to experience thus affecting that outcome.

Focus on what you want, and the direction you want to go in.

3) FIND MEANING & UNDERSTANDING:

You've probably heard me mention many times Tony Robbin's famous line of  "If life happens FOR us rather than to us, what can we learn here?". There's a point... it helps us to find meaning in painful situations and as 'A Man's Search For Meaning' Author, Victor Frankl stated in his best selling book - when people find meaning they can get through anything. This is where the looking beyond people's behaviour as I mentioned earlier in this post and finding the positive intention can work wonders.

What is really going on here? 

What can I learn here?

How can this experience help me reconnect with my true self within even further? 

4) CONNECT TO LOVE:

When you come from the perspective of 'we're just Souls experiencing a physical life' or 'we're simply living breathing human being's, all looking to feel love and belonging' (however some people may go about it!) it can be a lot easier to connect to a compassionate and loving view of that person.

I have also found that remembering that each and every person just like myself at some point in their life has felt alone, hurt and struggling. Those moments where I have felt at my lowest, others have also felt that too. This is one way I quickly and naturally connect to the humble human connection recognising that we're all the same. This can quickly transform into compassion for others when connected to this perspective. 

After finding meaning (as I mention in step 3) allow this to transform into feeling gratitude for what you have learnt from that experience. By doing so, this helps to connect to the vibration of love and send it toward the other person involved, thanking them for the deep lesson. Energetically when we connect to love, things can heal much faster.

5) REPROGRAMME YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND:

And this is key that most people forget.

Our unconscious mind controls much more than we think... some Scientists say up to 99% of what we do is influenced by our unconscious so if we don't make the necessary changes at an neurological level, sometimes the healing process can take much, much longer than we anticipated. That's not to say you can't heal at all by only working on things consciously... its possible, as everything is connected. Though to create quick long lasting results, techniques like NLP can be wonderful, effective tools for change. Making sure that at all levels your beliefs, emotions and behaviours are congruent and aligned. If we don't remove the negative attachments, patterns can repeat again, and again.

It's like having storeroom filled with food and supplies... if you don't remove that rotten onion at the back of the basket, the bad smell with continue to remain present no matter how much you try to freshen the air!

You can find more information on this blog about how to work with the unconscious mind, attend one of my classes or sign up for personal coaching sessions... www.emmabradford.net 

Now it's over to you!  

Which of these 5 steps did you find most useful and why? Using the comment section below I'd love to hear your shares.

Have a friend going through a challenging time? Offer them a helping hand and forward on this post.

If you'd like to be the first to receive these monthly insights, and receive a FREE Boosting Self-Esteem kit too, head on over to my WEBSITE where you can sign up for positive change.

One Important Key To Finding What You Want

It was a few summers ago when I experienced this, a great reminder many people overlook.

A fundamental point that has the ability to significantly change your life experience, and if ignored can lead to all sorts of lengthy detours and challenges.

That summer I was discovering the sites and wonders that Cataluña has to offer... enjoying the fresh, clean, forest air.

Ahhh... the perfect antidote to busy, entrepreneurial life.

Crystal clear streams to cool down from the Spanish sun, followed by tranquil picnic spots to unwind after a long day exploring.

During this trip, my road trip partner and I were excitedly preparing for a summer barbecue, we had the coals, the food, now we just needed a site.*

"We'd like to find a BBQ site please!" we eagerly stated out loud - as we often did. 

Hungry and raring to go we drove through a little town and asked some locals. They pointed, we followed, only to find the site was closed and no BBQ's were allowed.

Onto the next.

Adventure filled road trip for sure.

The next site we found had facilities however the locals clearly stated we had to ask permission, book the space before hand and the person in charge was unavailable at the moment. We had found a space but we couldn't use it. Hmmm thinking to myself, something started to click within.

"OK... we'd like to find a BBQ site that is available to use this evening".

The search continued, both being typical Taurus, we weren't giving up that easily!

Next stop: There was an available site, but also a huge derelict building right next to it. The space was filthy, broken glass, stray cats... it looked like something from a horror film in the diminishing evening light. Not inviting at all.

"OK! We'd like to find a BBQ site that is available to use this evening, comfortable, clean and welcoming!" 

At this point we were both laughing, realising what had been preventing our success up until now.

Sometimes we think we are putting the message 'out there' for what we want... when in reality we are giving mixed messages or simply just being too vague. We may know that critical thinking, fears and doubts can hinder the manifesting process, however, what many often forget is that not being SPECIFIC is a major factor too. 

In this case, it was the later and this adventure was a wonderful reminder. We had simply been looking for 'BBQ site'. We found spaces, just not what we really wanted.

Our RAS (Reticular Activating System), a part of the brain that helps to bring things to our awareness was looking for something vague as that was all we had stated. RAS, a filter between the unconscious and conscious... a fundamental part of the brain for goal setting. More on the RAS here.

If we desire something, and we are not clear on what we really want... it can lead us down all sorts of adventure filled experiences. Whilst that can be fun, sometimes it can take us much longer to achieve that desired outcome.

Look at it this way: 

If you want to enjoy great health, regulate your natural weight, boost self esteem, love your body etc answer the following...

1) What SPECIFICALLY are you looking for?

E.g.) 'I want to be healthy enough to do __X__' (not just 'I want to be healthy'... notice the difference?)

2) Where and when would you like that? (What specific day and time?) 

E.g.) I want to be healthy enough to do ___X___ by ____'

3) How will you know when you achieve that? (What will you see, hear, and feel?) 

E.g.) 'When I am healthy enough to do __X__ by ___ I will see____, hear____ and feel____'

The clearer the desire within your focus, the clearer the message that goes to you RAS, therefore the more likely that outcome will occur. Your RAS does not know that difference between reality and imagined experiences. It doesn't even know the difference between limiting beliefs and true helpful beliefs. It simply acts like a faithful dog running after the ball its master has thrown. So feed it clear, positive direction by doing the following...

• Visualise: Imagine your desired outcome as a movie scene including all the desired details and sensory information (what you will see, hear and feel).

• Positive Language: Talk about your desired outcome using positive, reinforcing language both with yourself and others. For example, 'I am losing weight' not 'I am trying to lose weight but it never seems to shift' the later reinforces 'I am not losing weight' to your RAS... which in turn keeps that experience in your reality. 

• Consistent Action: Take small, consistent actionable steps towards your desired outcome to strengthen and reinforce the direction you wish to go in.

• Reprogram The Unconscious Mind: Clear up any opposing, negative beliefs that may be stored unconsciously. More on removing limiting beliefs here.

And you'll be pleased to know, on that trip we managed to enjoy some delicious BBQ's, in gorgeous spots despite the initial detours!

Now I’d love to hear from you...

What SPECIFIC desired outcome would you like to experience and what first step can you can take towards achieving that? 

Using the comment section below, schedule it now and holding yourself accountable. It is scientifically proven that those who write goals down, and do the necessary steps above are over 95% more likely to achieve them. Yes really! So the real question is, how much do you really want it? ;-)

I look forward to reading your comments, until next time, wishing you a fabulous month ahead.


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*Because of forest fires and the Spanish heat there are specific locations for enjoying BBQ's.

Feeling Fearful? Try This...

I was reminded of this a few weeks ago.

Chatting to my NLP teacher and her partner… I realised the giant leap I had made.

4 years ago whilst standing in her training room, my first ever NLP course, the fear of public speaking was making an appearance yet again. Something I struggled with throughout school, college, university and even as an assistant manager in London.

I hated it.

Often hiding behind pieces of paper that I would hold, shaking and whispering words so quiet no one could hear me. The exercise at the time was to create a story in groups to teach the names of the planets in a memorable and entertaining way. I somehow managed escape most of it, assigning myself the role of ‘Chief Artist’ saying the bare minimum by drawing all the diagrams on the board instead.

Much more enjoyable I thought! Funny too, as there were only 4 people in the room… I was that terrified.

Avoidance, however, doesn’t help you improve things.

And the satisfaction I have felt since by acknowledging and facing my fears totally outweighs the 5 minutes sketching a comic strip on the board.

Sometimes when taking a moment chatting to others about our journey we realise how much things have transformed. Take a moment to consider…

• Is there an area of your life you used to really struggled with and now you find much easier?
• What did you learn about this on the journey to success?

With regards to public speaking, I started step by step by holding myself accountable and scheduling weekly talks. The first ever meetup I held over 3 years ago was in a small bar in Raval, Barcelona, with just 3 people. With support and encouragement both from myself* and members this became easier and easier. Also by removing limiting beliefs and using light hypnotic language to tell my unconscious everything will be ok helped to transform that area even further.

4 keys to moving from FEAR to SUCCESS effectively...

Social Accountability - Schedule that event before you feel ready, hold yourself accountable.

Practice - Practice, practice, practice... there is no failure, only feedback!

Support - Open up to finding and receiving support from both yourself and others.

Removing unconscious barriers - Find the unconscious root cause and remove it with love.

Fast forward 4 years from my first NLP training, and I now teach weekly classes on NLP and Self Awareness techniques to large groups, largest being 45+ people! Whilst there is room for improvement and each week I learn more and more… the transformation from what I used to be like to now, has been quite humbling. I would not be where I am today if it wasn’t for my NLP training and desire to share these invaluable tools.

Tweet: "If you're Finding Excuses And Reasons why you can't... you're keeping yourself in the FEAR zone." Emma Bradford


If we allow it, fear can take hold on us we may even try to shove everything under the carpet to avoid the pain.

Though by doing so, the crap often spills out anyway.

For example, by ignoring a fear of rejection it can manifest as a bad habit or illness the more we suppress it. It is simply the emotion's way of shouting for our attention. Ignore it, and it will find another way to get your attention. 

By observing how you feel with kindness and dealing with the root cause creates long lasting results. This is what I do with clients, with the combination of them…

1) Accepting personal responsibility for their life, willing to participate during a program of sessions e.g.)  showing up and doing a few super quick reinforcement NLP exercises between sessions if required.

2) A desire to experience change with the support and skills provided.

And I as their NLP coach help them to…

3) Find and heal the root cause by reprogramming their unconscious and create a more compelling future.

Together we can create significant results as we don’t treat the symptoms, we treat the root cause. If you want to hear what my clients really think you can click here.

In the meantime I encourage you to consider…

• Is there something in your life that you find challenging and often avoid?
• What have you been looking to feel or gain by not dealing with that fear directly? 
• And what are you losing as a result of this behaviour?
• Take a moment to notice how stepping into that, owning the experience and saying yes to change can bring so much more joy in the years to come when you overcome that fear. Better than avoidance, right?

I’d love to hear from you!

Using the comment section, what area of your life will you apply the 4 keys (Social accountability, practice, support and working with your unconscious mind)? When will you start doing that? Schedule it now and hold yourself accountable noticing the transformation that follows when you take action.

Or is there something else that has helped you improve an area in your life? If so feel free to share your experience and insights below. 

Until next time, wishing you a great month ahead!

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* I encourage you, every time you step out of your comfort zone to give yourself kind words, a hug or a pat on the back. Positive reinforcement makes future steps so much easier! 

What Is Your Reticular Activating System (RAS) And How Does It Affect You

´You get what you focus on´ is often said on self development blogs and in manifestation books... what is the meaning behind that? 

In NLP we talk about a part of our brain called the Reticular Activating System (RAS) and how it is fundamental in goal setting. Our RAS is like a filter between the conscious and unconscious mind, acting as a faithful servant to our thought process. If we feed it with positive beliefs, it will set out to prove those true, just as if we were to feed it limiting beliefs such as ´Im no good at anything´ it will also set out to prove those true. Our RAS cannot differentiate between positive and negative beliefs.

We create our reality whether we are aware of it or not. 

Two people going to the same party can describe it in very different ways, each person has their own belief system that they feed their RAS. Almost as if we each wear a different pair of glasses, looking through another pair you would see a very different world. By holding onto our limiting beliefs we then delete/distort or generalise the information so that it fits in with our belief system.

If we believe 100% that all people are always kind, we will (on an unconscious level) not notice if somebody is rude to us. This works vice verse as well. If we have the limiting belief that all shop assistants are rude, our RAS will point that out to us and we will encounter more rude shop assistants than those without that belief.

Notice what happens if you buy a red car. Before you may not have noticed many red cars, however after buying one they seem to be everywhere! What has happened? Its just your RAS continuing with ´red car´ on the brain and continuing to point them out to you. There is still the same amount on the roads (more or less), you just didn't pay attention to them before.

Your RAS is also the part of the brain that notices when somebody calls your name, you immediately take note.

This knowledge can prove very useful when working towards our goal. If we can feed our RAS positive beliefs through the use of visualisations, affirmations and anchors, it will start making us aware of situations, people and resources that can help us along the way.

So its not just luck after all!

5 Steps To Uncover and Remove Limiting Beliefs

How do we uncover hidden limiting beliefs? 

The following steps can help find any hidden limiting beliefs. By removing limiting beliefs we can help align the unconscious mind with the conscious, therefore achieving the life we desire.

For example...

Person A: Wishes to loose weight, starts a new diet, exercises, and consciously thinks about loosing weight however on an unconscious level (or even conscious level) they believe that they are fat/unattractive and that they will never succeed.

Person B: Wishes to loose weight, starts a healthier lifestyle made up of balanced meals and exercise, consciously thinks about a healthier lifestyle, and on an unconscious level believes that anything is possible and that they are lovable and worthy of success.

Which person do you think succeeds in the long maintaining a steady, naturally healthy weight?

Which person do you think ends up with yo-yo dieting and self sabotaging behaviours that affect their desired outcome? 

Uncovering Limiting Beliefs

Sometimes limiting beliefs can be hidden. We may be aware of some consciously, however there may be others that have gone unnoticed...that is until now!


STEP 1: Ask yourself;

What is it that I want? (Be specific!)
What are the reasons why I haven't achieved it already? 

(List EVERYTHING that comes to mind - even if it doesn't make sense, or if you are repeating yourself) keep going until you cannot think of anything else.


STEP 2: Look back at the list that you have written. Do you notice any similarities? Any repeated reasons (excuses)? Any patterns forming?

Notice the wording that is used as well, often limiting beliefs are stated with child like language such as ´I can't do it´ or ´They're better than me´ rather than, ´I'm not sufficient in my actions´. Limiting beliefs are often formed between the ages of 0-7 which explains the use of simpler language.

Out of all of the statements written down, which resonates with you most? Which creates the strongest emotional reaction within? Chose one and move onto the following step.

STEP 3: Write down your chosen limiting belief to work on, and next to it write down the positive opposite of that belief. For example, if the limiting belief is´I'm lazy´, next to it write down ´I'm hardworking´.


STEP 4: Write down 3 pieces of evidence in your life (past and present) that prove each of those statements true.

´I'm lazy´ (I wake up late, I don't do household chores...)

´I'm hardworking´ (I stick to deadlines, I gained qualifications for my studies...)

STEP 5: Notice how if you have 3 pieces of evidence both proving the positive, opposite statement and the limiting belief then neither one can be 100% true. There must be a truer statement somewhere in the middle.

´I work hard when I'm passionate about something´

Notice the difference when you say to yourself the limiting belief and then the truer statement. By noticing this and continuing to reinforce the truer statement through the use of post it notes, reminders on your phone, positive image or song to represent the truer statement, we can remove the old limiting belief and align our unconscious mind with our conscious. Therefore allowing ourselves to achieve our goal easily and effortlessly.


Now I'd love to hear from you... in the comment section below what did you find most useful in this post and why? 

Have a friend who would find this useful too? Offer them a helping hand and share this post. 

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