7 Reasons Why We Don't Do What's Good For Us... And How To Change It

Daily...

• Meditation,
• Gratitude Lists,
• Exercise,
• Morning Routines,
• Journaling,
• Affirmations,
• Healthy Organic Food
• Etc...the list goes on.

Anyone else felt overwhelmed at times with the endless to do list of what we 'should' do to live a healthy and fulfilled life? 

I certainly have. 

Sometimes it can feel like a full time job doing everything that we need to to care for ourselves. The lists can be extensive, and even with small simple things there can be times where self-sabotage kicks in. We know what we need for a healthier, happier life, so why do we find it so hard to actually bring it into practice?

"I know I should meditate but I just can't seem to keep it going! What's wrong with me?!"

"I can't seem to stick to it... I was doing so well and now I'm back to square one"

Common phrases from clients. It's frustrating I know, I've been there many times too. 

As far as I know, there are 7 main reasons why we don't do what we know deep within we need to do for a happy and healthy life. 

1) Not addressing beliefs & emotions within the conscious/unconscious mind.

- Fears about change and/or negative beliefs about uncertainty and change

- Limiting beliefs about the new outcome, for example if loosing weight is the desired outcome there could be underlying beliefs and fears such as... "If I'm thin I'll attract unwanted attention (staying overweight to protect self)"

Creating Change...

What do I believe about change itself? What does change and uncertainty mean to me?

What do I believe about achieving __(desired outcome)__? 

Notice if any limiting beliefs arise and challenge them by re-framing the statement - what else could this mean?

For example: It's not whether I'm overweight or skinny that I attract unwanted attention... it's more to do with my beliefs about it that can attract uncomfortable experiences.

2) Being unaware of the secondary gain of current behaviour and situation where we're searching for something unconsciously. 

If we don't acknowledge our authentic desires this is where self-sabotaging/yo-yo behaviour can kick in. For example, if we want to relax, unwind yet have feelings of obligation, too many activities from work, commitments in our life along with a hidden drive of wanting to BE and relax rather than do... then can come the behaviour of sitting in front of the TV rather than exercising! As many say up to 95% or more of our behaviour is controlled by our unconscious mind. 

Creating Change...

What is the hidden positive intention here? What am I really looking for? 

How can I fulfil this AND do activities that fulfil my health and well-being too? 

3) Using negative, pressuring internal dialogue such as 'I have to/should do/must do...' rather than 'I will/can/want to...'. 

I don't know about you, I certainly don't feel motivated when I order myself to do something - I turn the other way!

Creating Change...

How am I talking and thinking about __x__? 

How can I change that so it becomes even more compelling and exciting so I want to do it? 

4) Being focused on instant pleasure rather than long term happiness. 

Bringing our focus on the task rather than the benefit is very common. When we do this, it can often demotivate us rather than motivate us.

Creating Change...

What is the big WHY in doing ___x___?

How will I benefit now and in the long term by doing ___x___?

5) Allowing our emotional state to remain dropped down and stuck... therefore less motivation. Our emotional state is KEY to how motivated we feel about things. 

Creating Change...

What music inspires, energises and uplifts me?

What puts a smile on my face? 

How can I use these to motivate me to do ___x___?

6) Creating to do lists from only one level - the mind.

Rather than acknowledging our body's capacity to physically carry out only a certain number of tasks out compared to how many the mind can actually think about. The mind is quick and has no limitations on time, whereas to physically do tasks throughout the day can take more time than to think about it. More about the Mind/Body list here.

Creating Change...

What 1 or 2 well-being tasks will I focus on solely that will bring me the greatest amount of joy, satisfaction and benefits? 

7) Feeling uncomfortable moving out of the comfort zone. 

To do something new, means shifting the energy in that moment and moving out of the comfort zone can feel... err at times... uncomfortable! What we're noticing is simply the shift in vibration from one situation to another. It's the initial step that is the biggest shift. 

There have been many articles talking about the Japanese technique to get things done by only doing 5 minutes of an activity. By doing so, once we've started, often we'll continue because we've already achieved that initial hurdle. 

Creating Change...

The previous points above plus social accountability can help take this first step. 

"If I notice awkward feelings about changing a pattern of behaviour even if it's something for my health and well-being, often I'm simply noticing the shift in energy in moving out of the comfort zone. The more I repeat the action of giving that activity a go, the more comfortable I can feel with the new behaviour"

So now over to you...

Looking back, is there something that you know you can benefit from yet you've been struggling to do it up until now? 

Which of the 7 above reasons resonated most and why? 

What will you do differently this week to create that change? Schedule in your diary now to make that even more of a reality. 

Have a friend that could benefit from this? Offer them a helping hand by sharing this post. 

And if you want more information on NLP Trainings, FREE Online Community, FREE resources and 1:1 sessions click here. 

Where The Feeling Of Joy REALLY Comes From... And How To Manage 'Failure'

There's a saying we often say in NLP.

One I've repeated time and time again in seminars, workshops and coaching sessions. 

I use this phrase as a reminder that it's not the end of the world if something doesn't go 'according to plan'. 

Before I dive straight into the phrase, I'd like to mention one common mistake in the self-development field (or what I prefer to call self-awareness field) and most importantly how to rectify it. 

Often we can get so caught up with a desired outcome, setting goal after goal so much so that we miss what's in between and within the process in getting there. 

I certainly fell victim to this during my first few years within this industry. Feeling that I needed to achieve more, do more, have more, be more. That put me in a very unhappy place indeed as I was so out of balance with the other side of the coin. Being an ambitious, determined Taurus by nature I still need a reminder time to time though slowly and surely over the last few years I've learnt how to balance things out. 

It's great to have goals, a desire to grow, expand and experience new things in our lives. What's not so great is doing so and forgetting to be present along the journey too. Smelling the flowers along the way as they say. 

That's where our joy comes from. 

Those little moments, experiences and gems that we experience day to day whilst we move towards x, y or z. 

Not the sole actualisation of x, y or z. 

Menorca 'Reclaim Your Inner Strength' Retreat May 26-28th 2017

Click To Tweet: "Joy comes from those moments, experiences and gems that we experience day to day... not the sole actualisation of a goal" Emma Bradford

And if, for whatever reason we strive towards a goal and things turn out differently than expected, how we choose to move in the lead up to the goal plays a HUGE role in how we experience 'failure'. 

For example, say there are two friend's... A and B.

• Friend A desperately wants to achieve x, all focus is 100% on achieving x and nothing else will do. Currently feeling a lack, a sadness because they have yet to achieve x.

• Friend B also wants to achieve x and whilst the goal is within focus they're also mindful and present about what they're learning along the way. Feeling more content about themselves and the world as the journey progresses appreciating the experiences they've gained so far.

Now, if neither one successfully achieves x first time round, which friend do you think will bounce back quicker and still feel good regardless? Which one would be more willing to give it another shot and try a new tactic?

Friend B right? 

This brings me back to the NLP phrase I mentioned... "There's no failure, only feedback" or as Marie Forleo says... "I may win or I may learn... though I never loose". 

If there is something you are working towards in your life take a moment to reflect how you are moving towards that goal.


1) Is this something I desire at all levels, that is congruent with my beliefs and values? 

2) Am I enjoying the process, learning and collecting experiences and stories along the way? If not, what can help me shift my focus?

For example... some may find placing a reminder their phone with one of the above quotes/phrases helps. Find what works for you.

The journey is where we can find little nuggets of joy. It's our relationship with the experience that makes all the difference. As Brene Brown says...

"I leap for the experience through the air... because I cannot predict the landing... (ask yourself)... what's worth doing even though I may fail?"

Have a friend that would find this useful? Forward on this post, offering a helping hand.

And if you'd love to transform how you manage unwanted emotions, negative self-talk and to experience a more accepting and loving relationship with yourself come and join my exclusive retreat in May!

Return home feeling refreshed, knowing you can handle whatever life throws at you. A weekend retreat that lasts a lifetime.

More details can be found HERE - earlybird price ends 15th of March 2017!

What To Do When You Feel Like Giving Up...

It's an awful feeling. 

I know I've certainly encountered this many times in my life. 

Creeping up, seemingly as if out of nowhere. 

It's in those moments of lack of hope, exhaustion or simply feeling fed up things can feel pretty bleak, numb and lonely. Striving towards things just to experience setback after setback. In fact, we have more influence on what we experience in life than we realise. 

This topic has come up quite a few times with clients.In a society where 'achieving' and 'doing' is seen to be the bees knees, we are simply repeating the school system well into adult life, looking for validation and praise outside of ourselves. Feeling that we need to achieve, succeed and busy ourselves in order to be accepted.

It's when we start accepting ourselves though, wherever we are on our journey that things begin to transform.

The problem is when in the process striving towards a goal, we can feel completely overwhelmed and exhausted if our focus is misplaced. Often we have high expectations of ourselves, comparing our backstage to another's show reel. Remind yourself of this next time you're on social media! ;-)

I've noticed many times when 'trying to control the outcome' behaviour occurs in clients, it's often due to deep seated fears. When we hold high expectations of what we 'should have in our life' judging, pushing and controlling outcomes we're doing so from a place of fear... a fear of UNCERTAINTY, FAILURE and the meanings we attach to them.

We wrongly assume that if we control the situation as much as we can, in as many aspects as we can... that it guarantees the outcome we desire, therefore eliminating the uncertainty. Actually life can be pretty unexpected at times! We also wrongly assume that if we fail... that somehow leads to rejection from others.

Not necessarily the case. 

What actually happens is that by acting out of fear, we are rejecting the true flow of life, we are rejecting ourselves, our whole, perfectly imperfect selves and exhausting ourselves in the process. Sometimes our desire to give up is simply pinpointing our need to see failure and uncertainty in a different light.

FAILURE is simply and opportunity for feedback, a stepping stone to try again from a different angle. The real failure is failing to try again.

UNCERTAINTY is simply an opportunity for new experiences. If everything was certain in life there would be no adventure, no variety, no excitement and no new wonderful surprises.

Click To Tweet: "When we try to control things we simply fear uncertainty & failure... in fact these bring variety, excitement & direction" Emma Bradford 

In NLP we often talk about goal setting, SMART goals, desired outcomes and more. It's great to have something to move towards to challenge ourselves, grow and evolve as a human being. Life can be pretty dull and frustrating if we remain stuck in the same situation day in day out for years. There's a difference though in pushing and controlling out of fear for something to happen... and lovingly working towards things whilst detaching from the specific outcome of how we need to experience something. 

The 3 Main Steps Of Manifesting...

1) We need to ASK, being clear and specific about what we want. No half-hearted wishful thinking here - be clear! Write it down, speak about it using positive language and be specific.

2) We need to BELIEVE that we can have it or better, tapping into our senses, what we will see, hear, feel when we experience that? Often this step is where people struggle... if we don't address the limiting beliefs held both consciously and unconsciously we will find it very hard to manifest what we desire. And when we truly believe that something can happen, we can let go of all needs to control the situation. When we try to control, often that is simply indicating that at some level we are holding a fear/doubt that it may not happen. 

3) We need to be open to RECEIVE what it is that we desire, and this can take action too. Things don't necessarily fall from the sky into out laps (even though I have seen some magical things happen!) we need to take inspired action and meet the Universe (or whatever term you wish to use) halfway. This is where our intuition comes into play. Listen to your gut feeling pulling you towards or away from something... intuition invites us to take inspired action.

There's a difference between wanting with fearful attachment...

"If I don't get this I'm a failure"

Forcing and exhausting ourselves to achieve something VS asking and believing without ties to the specific result and especially how something occurs...

"I desire this or better... I'm open to wonderful new experiences coming my way"

If you have been working towards something recently and feel like giving up, use these next 4 steps I put together to rebuild your foundations.

The 4 W's To Realignment...

1) WHICH emotions are present? Notice how you are feeling, what is within and safely express that ('I feel...' page which you can download HERE can help)

2) WHAT is this feeling and setback teaching you now?  Tap into your curious mindset and ask yourself the meaning of the current situation. How is this setback helping to propel you forward into the life you desire?

3) WHERE is your focus? Are you focusing on where you are not, the lack and fear in life? If so, refocus on what fills you with love, take bite size steps towards your desired outcome. 

4) WHY are you working towards this desired outcome? What is your big 'WHY' behind this... what will it give you? Use this as motivation to continue moving forward.

Now I'd love to hear from you! Is there something you have been working towards and have been struggling to make it a reality? If so, what have you found most useful in this blog post and why?

Have a friend that is struggling at the moment? Send them some love and offer a helping hand by sharing this post. 

If you want FREE NLP coaching and weekly guidance and support, join the online community HERE. 

PLEASE NOTE: Whilst this blog post is mainly addressing the feeling of giving up regarding projects and goals, helplessness can feel awful. If for any reason this is going deeper and you feel suicidal please contact your local support number here.