The Hidden Drive Behind The Inner Critic & Why Vulnerability Matters

Fearful Part: "Shouldn't do__x__ need to do __y__ uggh I'm so lazy!"

Loving Part Within: "Relax"

Fearful Part: "Look at everything that needs to get done, will never get all this done or done right, I'm so hopeless"

Loving Part Within: "Just be"

Fearful Part: "Everyone else can manage why can't I? What's wrong with me?"

Loving Part Within: "Breathe"

Fearful Part: "I feel_(alone/sad/angry/numb/depressed)_ why is everyone else happy and not me?"

Loving Part: "Connect"

How many of us have heard that fearful part, the Inner Critic's judgements before? And how many of us have experienced what I call the 'Inner Critic's Hangover'? In other words... the heavier emotional states that result from negative self-talk. 

I have. 

And so has virtually every client I've worked with. In fact, I'm sure every human being on this planet has had at least one moment of feeling low or experiencing negative self-talk at some point in their life... if not on a regular basis. To experience the variety of colour that emotions bring is natural. With many of these emotions created by previous thoughts we can create change if we desire. If we feel heavier states often we're simply experiencing the hangover of indulging in the Inner Critic's fears.

Taking a deeper look, we can ask ourselves...

What is the hidden drive for the fearful, criticising part - what is it really looking for? 

What does it believe? 

When did it first decide this?

What positive insights do we know now that we didn't know back then?

And if we aren't sure straight away... if we were to know, what would we discover?

Looking for love & belonging is a common hidden drive. Trying to perfect ourselves or show a mask as unconsciously perhaps we believe showing imperfections or vulnerability will lead to separation or abandonment. The thing is, many desire deeper meaning, belonging, happiness and fulfilment in life, yet we move through life with a mask, shielding ourselves from that very fulfilment we desire.

Ironic huh? 

Click To Tweet: "Numbing ourselves from emotional pain, also numbs ourselves from joy. Moving through emotional pain (i.e. finding the gifts in the form of understanding, connection and support), helps us reconnect to joy" Emma Bradford

Being authentic, showing our imperfections and vulnerability can lead to...

Connection

Innovation

Creativity

Acceptance

Strength

Courage

Understanding

Healing

Belonging

Companionship

Support

And SO much more. 

Without opening up, daring to be vulnerable, we miss out on SO much. I've been there - it can be lonely place if we remain stuck in the Inner Critic Hangover.

How can we really experience deep love and belonging if we only show a mask and remain connected to fears?

Step by step we can journey towards greater authenticity and love each day. 

Is it easy? Not always. 

It can feel scary moving out of the comfort zone, breaking free and being real. It can feel different to listen to that loving voice within rather than just the fears. It's even scarier though never allowing ourselves the gift of authenticity and love in life. 

Energetically speaking, 2018 among many things is a year of SUPPORT. To create support, give support and receive support.

For ourselves, others, and society.

So if we're going through a challenging time, it's time to reach out. Each and every one of us are so worthy of love and belonging.

Entering the shadow, finding the light (gifts) and coming out the other side. Because to only listen and live life according to fears of the shadow is to completely ignore the love and light. It's not choosing one or the other, its using both for the highest good.

Our fears (shadow part) help us appreciate our strength (light) deepen our awareness and understanding of ourselves/others/society. And the light is the strength within to find the gifts in the shadow.

Want more light in the world? 

It starts within. 

Now I'd love to hear from you! What did you find most useful about this and what area will that help you with? Let me know in the comment section below.

Have a friend that would find this useful? Spread the love and share this post.

For more information, Wholehearted NLP trainings, FREE podcast, FREE online support group etc... click here.

Where The Feeling Of Joy REALLY Comes From... And How To Manage 'Failure'

There's a saying we often say in NLP.

One I've repeated time and time again in seminars, workshops and coaching sessions. 

I use this phrase as a reminder that it's not the end of the world if something doesn't go 'according to plan'. 

Before I dive straight into the phrase, I'd like to mention one common mistake in the self-development field (or what I prefer to call self-awareness field) and most importantly how to rectify it. 

Often we can get so caught up with a desired outcome, setting goal after goal so much so that we miss what's in between and within the process in getting there. 

I certainly fell victim to this during my first few years within this industry. Feeling that I needed to achieve more, do more, have more, be more. That put me in a very unhappy place indeed as I was so out of balance with the other side of the coin. Being an ambitious, determined Taurus by nature I still need a reminder time to time though slowly and surely over the last few years I've learnt how to balance things out. 

It's great to have goals, a desire to grow, expand and experience new things in our lives. What's not so great is doing so and forgetting to be present along the journey too. Smelling the flowers along the way as they say. 

That's where our joy comes from. 

Those little moments, experiences and gems that we experience day to day whilst we move towards x, y or z. 

Not the sole actualisation of x, y or z. 

Menorca 'Reclaim Your Inner Strength' Retreat May 26-28th 2017

Click To Tweet: "Joy comes from those moments, experiences and gems that we experience day to day... not the sole actualisation of a goal" Emma Bradford

And if, for whatever reason we strive towards a goal and things turn out differently than expected, how we choose to move in the lead up to the goal plays a HUGE role in how we experience 'failure'. 

For example, say there are two friend's... A and B.

• Friend A desperately wants to achieve x, all focus is 100% on achieving x and nothing else will do. Currently feeling a lack, a sadness because they have yet to achieve x.

• Friend B also wants to achieve x and whilst the goal is within focus they're also mindful and present about what they're learning along the way. Feeling more content about themselves and the world as the journey progresses appreciating the experiences they've gained so far.

Now, if neither one successfully achieves x first time round, which friend do you think will bounce back quicker and still feel good regardless? Which one would be more willing to give it another shot and try a new tactic?

Friend B right? 

This brings me back to the NLP phrase I mentioned... "There's no failure, only feedback" or as Marie Forleo says... "I may win or I may learn... though I never loose". 

If there is something you are working towards in your life take a moment to reflect how you are moving towards that goal.


1) Is this something I desire at all levels, that is congruent with my beliefs and values? 

2) Am I enjoying the process, learning and collecting experiences and stories along the way? If not, what can help me shift my focus?

For example... some may find placing a reminder their phone with one of the above quotes/phrases helps. Find what works for you.

The journey is where we can find little nuggets of joy. It's our relationship with the experience that makes all the difference. As Brene Brown says...

"I leap for the experience through the air... because I cannot predict the landing... (ask yourself)... what's worth doing even though I may fail?"

Have a friend that would find this useful? Forward on this post, offering a helping hand.

And if you'd love to transform how you manage unwanted emotions, negative self-talk and to experience a more accepting and loving relationship with yourself come and join my exclusive retreat in May!

Return home feeling refreshed, knowing you can handle whatever life throws at you. A weekend retreat that lasts a lifetime.

More details can be found HERE - earlybird price ends 15th of March 2017!

How to Increase Your Happiness Easily and Effectively

Whilst enjoying a lovely picnic the other day catching up with a dear friend, we started to discuss peoples passions in life and how my friend met a young woman recently who gave up everything so to enjoy her passion...dancing. She finally decided enough was enough after years of depression and stress, and made the change to to live life to the full doing what she loved. The result? She felt much happier.

If you are feeling stressed, run down, anxious or noticing random physical ailments and symptoms* I invite you to question what could be causing this. The majority of the time it can simply be because we are not incorporating what excites us, makes us smile or laugh into our life.

If you were to make a list of all the things you love doing (and I mean LOVE) as if something has once again ignited that flame inside, put a huge grin on your face and wrapped you in a warm comforting sunshine...what would this list contain? Sometimes the most simple, free things are the most wonderful.

A few that made it onto my list included blackberry picking in the countryside wearing wellies (yes really!) and photographing the incredible beauty of flowers. Notice what goes onto your list and ask yourself...


What does that say about who I am as a person?

How much am I incorporating into my life at the moment?

How can I bring more of these into my life?


And then notice what changes as you begin to do more of these on a weekly basis.

How are you living your life? Working in a job you hate, commuting long hours and finding comfort in the form of food or harmful habits? Or do you find time each week or day to take a few breaths outdoors in the park, call a dear friend for a chat or hear your favourite song and dance around your living room?

Often many of these things on our lists take under half an hour and if it places a smile on face, brings happiness and warmth to your day then surely its half an hour well spent. Bringing back that sparkle to your eyes.

When we use anchors or take part in activities that we enjoy, we build up our state feeling, happier, healthier and full of energy. When we feel like this, a small incidence or set back becomes like a raindrop on a waterproof coat...it simply rolls off and ceases to bother us. Useful isn't it?

So I invite you to incorporate at least 3 things you LOVE into your next week and notice what changes...and feel free to share your findings, I would love to hear your experiences.

May this be the beginning of many more fulfilling weeks to come - have a great week!

*For serious health concerns always consult a trained Health Care Practitioner/Doctor