The Hidden Drive Behind The Inner Critic & Why Vulnerability Matters

Fearful Part: "Shouldn't do__x__ need to do __y__ uggh I'm so lazy!"

Loving Part Within: "Relax"

Fearful Part: "Look at everything that needs to get done, will never get all this done or done right, I'm so hopeless"

Loving Part Within: "Just be"

Fearful Part: "Everyone else can manage why can't I? What's wrong with me?"

Loving Part Within: "Breathe"

Fearful Part: "I feel_(alone/sad/angry/numb/depressed)_ why is everyone else happy and not me?"

Loving Part: "Connect"

How many of us have heard that fearful part, the Inner Critic's judgements before? And how many of us have experienced what I call the 'Inner Critic's Hangover'? In other words... the heavier emotional states that result from negative self-talk. 

I have. 

And so has virtually every client I've worked with. In fact, I'm sure every human being on this planet has had at least one moment of feeling low or experiencing negative self-talk at some point in their life... if not on a regular basis. To experience the variety of colour that emotions bring is natural. With many of these emotions created by previous thoughts we can create change if we desire. If we feel heavier states often we're simply experiencing the hangover of indulging in the Inner Critic's fears.

Taking a deeper look, we can ask ourselves...

What is the hidden drive for the fearful, criticising part - what is it really looking for? 

What does it believe? 

When did it first decide this?

What positive insights do we know now that we didn't know back then?

And if we aren't sure straight away... if we were to know, what would we discover?

Looking for love & belonging is a common hidden drive. Trying to perfect ourselves or show a mask as unconsciously perhaps we believe showing imperfections or vulnerability will lead to separation or abandonment. The thing is, many desire deeper meaning, belonging, happiness and fulfilment in life, yet we move through life with a mask, shielding ourselves from that very fulfilment we desire.

Ironic huh? 

Click To Tweet: "Numbing ourselves from emotional pain, also numbs ourselves from joy. Moving through emotional pain (i.e. finding the gifts in the form of understanding, connection and support), helps us reconnect to joy" Emma Bradford

Being authentic, showing our imperfections and vulnerability can lead to...

Connection

Innovation

Creativity

Acceptance

Strength

Courage

Understanding

Healing

Belonging

Companionship

Support

And SO much more. 

Without opening up, daring to be vulnerable, we miss out on SO much. I've been there - it can be lonely place if we remain stuck in the Inner Critic Hangover.

How can we really experience deep love and belonging if we only show a mask and remain connected to fears?

Step by step we can journey towards greater authenticity and love each day. 

Is it easy? Not always. 

It can feel scary moving out of the comfort zone, breaking free and being real. It can feel different to listen to that loving voice within rather than just the fears. It's even scarier though never allowing ourselves the gift of authenticity and love in life. 

Energetically speaking, 2018 among many things is a year of SUPPORT. To create support, give support and receive support.

For ourselves, others, and society.

So if we're going through a challenging time, it's time to reach out. Each and every one of us are so worthy of love and belonging.

Entering the shadow, finding the light (gifts) and coming out the other side. Because to only listen and live life according to fears of the shadow is to completely ignore the love and light. It's not choosing one or the other, its using both for the highest good.

Our fears (shadow part) help us appreciate our strength (light) deepen our awareness and understanding of ourselves/others/society. And the light is the strength within to find the gifts in the shadow.

Want more light in the world? 

It starts within. 

Now I'd love to hear from you! What did you find most useful about this and what area will that help you with? Let me know in the comment section below.

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For more information, Wholehearted NLP trainings, FREE podcast, FREE online support group etc... click here.

3 Ways To Transform How You Feel Right Now

Looking up at the cool, star filled country night sky, I breathed a sigh of relief. 

It had been a hard 6 months. 

A breakup, work & money stresses and day to day life struggles. I was  burned out, ready for a change. It was this that led me to book a weekend retreat over a year ago. A weekend just for me on one of my favourite islands, Menorca, to unwind, learn, reflect and reconnect. 

When we get caught up in the daily grind we can forget how disconnected we become. Continuing to run in circles on a hamster wheel out of fear rather than take a moment to step off, regain our balance and reflect on what is necessary. 

Are you currently in a state of fear or LOVE? 

Is what you are doing right NOW absolutely necessary for your current or future health and well-being? 

If not, how can you readjust your priorities so that you continue contributing to your health and well-being?

Sometimes a check-in or reminder is all we need. Sometimes a break-state exercise can work wonders (keep reading for more), and sometimes we need a complete break. A break to press the 'reset' button so we can regain alignment, and leap forward into new exciting experiences and opportunities in our lives.

I know that when I have felt stressed, anxious or in a state of fear in the past my focus was simply out of alignment with what I wanted. I was focusing on what I feared most, listening to the Inner Critic's spew of hurtful comments and forgetting to connect with what truly fills me with joy. 

You see, we can create our emotional state. Anytime, anywhere. In fact we do it all the time... just most the time we are not conscious of it. Emotions don't just happen to us. It can feel like they do if we live our lives unconscious of our thought processes. With awareness though we can notice that by tracing out thoughts back after a particular emotion arises... there you have the answer. 

There you have the root cause. 

Click to Tweet: "When we choose to embrace ourselves, life can feel even better" Emma Bradford

There are many tools and techniques out there, it can be an overwhelming supermarket of self-awareness techniques. Which is why I have kept not all, though most of my focus on NLP. It works, it's simple and it gives us the emotional mastery tools that make any challenging situation so much easier to bear. 

That retreat a year ago on Menorca was one of the many experiences that inspired me to create my own so others could experience the same with some additional NLP techniques. If I could create a wonderful relaxing break PLUS the life tools to take home so to enjoy a happier, healthier life with less stress, now that would be something valuable indeed. 

And this is exactly what I have chosen to do. 

First, if you feel you need a SOS reset right now, feeling stressed and frazzled longing for an escape try one of these 3 BREAK-STATE exercises...

• Dance to your favourite song, not only does your moving body help your physical well-being it also releases feel good hormones boosting your emotional state. And not forgetting that music is a powerful, powerful healer.
• Take a brisk walk outdoors in nature, so you can soak up the negative ions (that are positive for the body). I don't know about you, I find it virtually impossible to not to feel grateful and uplifted when I'm surrounded by nature. Try it, you may you struggle to hold onto the stress too ;-)
• Close your eyes and think of something that helps you to feel happy and calm... this could be a memory, a time in your past where you experienced that emotion. See what you saw, hear what your heard and notice that feeling becoming stronger with every breath. Notice what you say to yourself when you feel happy and calm. If you could give this emotion a colour what would that be? Notice how things start to steadily transform as you imagine that colour flowing through and around your body.

I encourage you to find what works for you, find feel good activities that can give you an extra boost in a healthy and productive manner. Choose to consciously create how you want to feel. 

Yes, it's possible!

And if you'd like to discover specific NLP techniques to effectively manage your emotions, transform your relationship with yourself and that critical voice within all whilst enjoying the beautiful tranquil Menorcan surroundings get in contact. 

This retreat has only 7 places. If you want to be one of those lucky 7, visit my website for more information on prices and to reserve your place www.emmabradford.net or send me an email at info@emmabradford.net. Earlybird price closing date ends 15th March 2017!

It's time for some radical self-care lovely - let's make 2017 even better.

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Inner Critic: The Most Common Mistake & How To Avoid It

I thought it was about time I wrote this. 

Seeing it's something I've talked about a lot during workshops. It's also one of the most common 'diseases' out there. And yes I've suffered from it too.

'I can't do it' 

'I'm ugly/stupid/fat etc'

'I'm not good enough'

Seriously... I don't know a single human being that hasn't thought one of these at some point in their life. Quite often when we do, we assume we're the only person. That somehow everyone else 'out there' is separate from us and we're stuck in a gloomy, lonely dark corner. 

I'll let you into a secret... believe it or not, these limiting thoughts are not coming from you as a whole. You are simply the one listening and hearing these thoughts. You are something so much more if you dare to believe. 

These are coming from what many call the 'Inner Critic'... that part that is scared, fearful, angry and hurt. The part that is holding onto limiting beliefs and fears by a way of protection and comfort however weird that may be.

Though by continuing to believe and act according to these thoughts, will only take us so far.

Quite often when we believe we're not good enough, that we're flawed, we use it as an excuse as to why we can't have something, do something or why we can't enjoy the life we desire. We use it as an excuse to stay within our comfort zone. Believing we must be what we think society views 'perfect' in order to be worthy of something. Funny thing is, perfection is totally a matter of individual preference and perception!

To be worthy of a great job, body or partner does not mean you need to be perfect.

Yet often the negative voice within doesn't take notice of this... and you know one of the reasons why? Because we've been giving attention to what it says as if it's gospel and we haven't cleared away the limiting beliefs within.

Being a perfectionist can have it's drawbacks, especially if we choose to believe the Inner Critic. Good news is, it's not too late for change. 

Thanks to many practical tips I've learnt from NLP, I discovered how to start detaching from my Inner Critic, transforming that voice into my Inner cheerleader whenever I notice it arising. Is it always easy and plain sailing? No. Though what I've learnt along the way has made it so much easier.

You see, this fearful part (the Inner Critic) contrary to popular belief is not something to be shunned, boxed or suppressed. You've probably heard the phrase 'what you resist, persists' right?

It's applicable to to this too. 

Click To Tweet: The Inner Critic is giving you a dare... are you going to believe what it says or pursue what you love regardless? Emma Bradford

I've heard endless times to just 'reject' what the Inner Critic says... I certainly thought that at first too. Whilst this might be partly helpful, it's also a common mistake in how to effectively deal with the Inner Critic during  the long term.

If we solely ignore what it says, certain negative thoughts & beliefs will simply continue to pop up if we don't deal with the root cause. Our Inner Critic is simply repeating fears and limiting beliefs that have been stored unconsciously from a young age. For example, if we learnt 'I'm stupid' when we were young, that may still pop up in the form of our Inner Critic if we don't address the root cause... the first event in which we decided that.

I've gathered a lot of information on this topic both from my professional work and personal life experiences over the years, no doubt it will become a book one day too. There's just too much to include in just this one blog post!

First of all, let me give you 3 simple steps that both my clients and I have found helpful when noticing negative thoughts from the Inner Critic within.

Pay Attention To The 3 L's

1) Listen and observe what the Inner Critic is saying - awareness is key, observe what is being brought to your attention. There is a huge difference between listening & learning compared to listening & believing the negative thoughts.

2) Learn from the Inner Critic - what is it teaching you about your fears? What limiting beliefs are being pointed out that can be let go of now? Where & when did you decide these beliefs originally? How can you view that past event differently now so to let go of the limiting beliefs? 

For example... if you notice the Inner Critic often comments 'I'm lazy, I can never get anything done' dig a little deeper and uncover the root cause using the questions above. If you'd like an extra helping hand, book yourself a 1:1 Empowerment Session with a coach that works with the unconscious mind (details on what I offer HERE). 

3) Connect to what you Love, at a Soul level regardless of what the negative chatter says within - the Inner Critic is an expert at Finding Excuses And Reasons why you can't do something. Notice that by believing and acting on what it says, you simply keep yourself in a state of fear.

Finally know this... there may be good days and challenging days, and when we discover skills to gain insights and detach from the Inner Critic, life can become much easier. 

It's like you suddenly have the handbook and phrases to speak another language if ever the need arises. 

The Inner Critic is not something to reject or 'get rid of completely'. It's something to help us learn and embrace our shadow side, so we can step into an even greater wholehearted way of life layer by layer. And by doing that, notice how life can be so much more insightful and fulfilling. It's there for a reason.

The Inner Critic is one of our greatest teachers... it's simply up to us to recognise that, and utilise it.

Now its your turn... using the comment section below, what's your Inner Critic teaching you right now? I'd love to hear your shares and perhaps your share can help inspire others too.

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I KNOW, I've been there too.

Thanks to many useful, practical tips I learnt through NLP I started detaching from my inner critic, transforming that voice into my inner cheerleader.

If you want to discover more about WHAT I DID and how you can benefit, grab a spot at this special workshop... repeated once more due to popular demand.