Two NLP Hacks To Get Back On Track

That moment of frustration - you know there must be a better way to achieve something yet you can't quite see it. What do you do? 

Give up? 

Keep going doing the same thing over and over? 

Or do what toddlers do? (And no I don't mean a tantrum).

Behaviour flexibility - Toddlers are experts at it. If they can't get what they want, their behaviour moves from begging, crying, shouting, throwing things. Whilst these behaviours might not be appropriate as adults in most situations... it's the mindset that's invaluable. If one thing doesn't work whilst moving towards a goal, try something else. Still moving in the same direction though changing the tactic, the approach.

I was reminded of this whilst playing Trionimos with my Grandmother recently. You can learn a lot from this game and my patience and determination was certainly tested many times! To fit all the tiles together it takes behaviour flexibility, finding new ways to readjust the tiles so all of them connect. 

One of the BIGGEST reasons why people don't achieve the goals they desire aside from the limiting beliefs and fears... is the lack of consistency. 

It's easy to give up. 

It's easy to give up and say it didn't work. Quite often we do this just before the results arrive too.

Giving up doesn't bring you what you want though. 

If one approach doesn't work... try another. If two Trionimo tiles don't fit together, move a few others around so they all can. 

It sounds simple, and often the most beneficial things are. These things can often get overlooked for their simplicity and then many wonder why some people have 'all the luck' and they don't. 

Digging a little deeper, it isn't a question of luck at all. 

By adopting behaviour flexibility we can TRANSFORM situations, discover new solutions, gain new skills and so much more. It just requires us to tap into that flexible, curious mindset. "Mm I wonder, how can I make this work?"

Sometimes we can become stuck thinking that if we let go of the way we've been doing something that means we've failed in some way. And this couldn't be further from the truth. It's not a failure to change the approach. Some would say it's a failure not to try, or even still to continue repeating the same behaviour even though it's not working. 

So this month, if you have something you'd like to bring into your life for example...

• Learning a new skill
• Regaining your healthy natural weight
• Maintaining a regular yoga or meditation practice
• Increasing the amount of wholefoods consumed
• Etc...

And you feel like giving up, use these next few points as a reminder...

1) What is your WHY. Why do you want to bring this into your life? Use this as motivation when you feel like giving up. What will that that new yoga or mediation practice give you for example? What will you be able to let go of? 

2) Boost your emotional state. When we feel good, we naturally feel more energised to continue learning that new skill or maintain a regular practice. Regularly connect with music that you love, images that inspire and energise you, inspiring podcasts etc (and if you haven't checked out The Life Manual podcast you can do so here).

These two points can help whenever you need to re-adjust, try a different approach and keep moving forward. It doesn't matter if we hit a obstacle. It matters what we do consistently that counts. And slip ups teach us a wealth of wisdom... IF we tap into that behaviour flexibility and keep moving forward. 


I'd love to hear your thoughts! What new practice or goal are you bringing into your life now and what will help you? And if you'd like to read further on motivation check out my previous blog post here. 

Have a friend that would find this useful? Offer them a helping hand and forward on this post. 

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What To Do When You Feel Like Giving Up...

It's an awful feeling. 

I know I've certainly encountered this many times in my life. 

Creeping up, seemingly as if out of nowhere. 

It's in those moments of lack of hope, exhaustion or simply feeling fed up things can feel pretty bleak, numb and lonely. Striving towards things just to experience setback after setback. In fact, we have more influence on what we experience in life than we realise. 

This topic has come up quite a few times with clients.In a society where 'achieving' and 'doing' is seen to be the bees knees, we are simply repeating the school system well into adult life, looking for validation and praise outside of ourselves. Feeling that we need to achieve, succeed and busy ourselves in order to be accepted.

It's when we start accepting ourselves though, wherever we are on our journey that things begin to transform.

The problem is when in the process striving towards a goal, we can feel completely overwhelmed and exhausted if our focus is misplaced. Often we have high expectations of ourselves, comparing our backstage to another's show reel. Remind yourself of this next time you're on social media! ;-)

I've noticed many times when 'trying to control the outcome' behaviour occurs in clients, it's often due to deep seated fears. When we hold high expectations of what we 'should have in our life' judging, pushing and controlling outcomes we're doing so from a place of fear... a fear of UNCERTAINTY, FAILURE and the meanings we attach to them.

We wrongly assume that if we control the situation as much as we can, in as many aspects as we can... that it guarantees the outcome we desire, therefore eliminating the uncertainty. Actually life can be pretty unexpected at times! We also wrongly assume that if we fail... that somehow leads to rejection from others.

Not necessarily the case. 

What actually happens is that by acting out of fear, we are rejecting the true flow of life, we are rejecting ourselves, our whole, perfectly imperfect selves and exhausting ourselves in the process. Sometimes our desire to give up is simply pinpointing our need to see failure and uncertainty in a different light.

FAILURE is simply and opportunity for feedback, a stepping stone to try again from a different angle. The real failure is failing to try again.

UNCERTAINTY is simply an opportunity for new experiences. If everything was certain in life there would be no adventure, no variety, no excitement and no new wonderful surprises.

Click To Tweet: "When we try to control things we simply fear uncertainty & failure... in fact these bring variety, excitement & direction" Emma Bradford 

In NLP we often talk about goal setting, SMART goals, desired outcomes and more. It's great to have something to move towards to challenge ourselves, grow and evolve as a human being. Life can be pretty dull and frustrating if we remain stuck in the same situation day in day out for years. There's a difference though in pushing and controlling out of fear for something to happen... and lovingly working towards things whilst detaching from the specific outcome of how we need to experience something. 

The 3 Main Steps Of Manifesting...

1) We need to ASK, being clear and specific about what we want. No half-hearted wishful thinking here - be clear! Write it down, speak about it using positive language and be specific.

2) We need to BELIEVE that we can have it or better, tapping into our senses, what we will see, hear, feel when we experience that? Often this step is where people struggle... if we don't address the limiting beliefs held both consciously and unconsciously we will find it very hard to manifest what we desire. And when we truly believe that something can happen, we can let go of all needs to control the situation. When we try to control, often that is simply indicating that at some level we are holding a fear/doubt that it may not happen. 

3) We need to be open to RECEIVE what it is that we desire, and this can take action too. Things don't necessarily fall from the sky into out laps (even though I have seen some magical things happen!) we need to take inspired action and meet the Universe (or whatever term you wish to use) halfway. This is where our intuition comes into play. Listen to your gut feeling pulling you towards or away from something... intuition invites us to take inspired action.

There's a difference between wanting with fearful attachment...

"If I don't get this I'm a failure"

Forcing and exhausting ourselves to achieve something VS asking and believing without ties to the specific result and especially how something occurs...

"I desire this or better... I'm open to wonderful new experiences coming my way"

If you have been working towards something recently and feel like giving up, use these next 4 steps I put together to rebuild your foundations.

The 4 W's To Realignment...

1) WHICH emotions are present? Notice how you are feeling, what is within and safely express that ('I feel...' page which you can download HERE can help)

2) WHAT is this feeling and setback teaching you now?  Tap into your curious mindset and ask yourself the meaning of the current situation. How is this setback helping to propel you forward into the life you desire?

3) WHERE is your focus? Are you focusing on where you are not, the lack and fear in life? If so, refocus on what fills you with love, take bite size steps towards your desired outcome. 

4) WHY are you working towards this desired outcome? What is your big 'WHY' behind this... what will it give you? Use this as motivation to continue moving forward.

Now I'd love to hear from you! Is there something you have been working towards and have been struggling to make it a reality? If so, what have you found most useful in this blog post and why?

Have a friend that is struggling at the moment? Send them some love and offer a helping hand by sharing this post. 

If you want FREE NLP coaching and weekly guidance and support, join the online community HERE. 

PLEASE NOTE: Whilst this blog post is mainly addressing the feeling of giving up regarding projects and goals, helplessness can feel awful. If for any reason this is going deeper and you feel suicidal please contact your local support number here.