How Things Can Change...

This time last year I was in a whirlwind of travel.

Discovering layers of myself I never new existed and having my brain stretched until it hurt with Quantum Linguistics. 

Where was I?...my old home town, London, completing a NLP Master Practitioner training with Jessica Robbins. 

And WOW what a Autumn that was! 

Never before did I think how much recognising and shifting your values could have an effect on your life.

One Of The Side Effects...80s Power Poses!

Since then, its been a remarkable journey and I look forward to the many wonderful adventures that may come their way.

Now entering the final month of 2014, this is a great opportunity to take a moment and reflect how far we have all come since this time last year. 

Sometimes looking back briefly can be just as important as focusing on the present and knowing where you are headed. With a quick glance back you can recognise all that you have achieved so far, remember the wonderful surprises and gifts that you found along the way and also remind yourself about what you have learnt so far that can assist you in making even better choices in the future. At times we may feel stuck, or that we're going backwards in life struggling to get to where we want. 

Where in reality, things have shifted... if we take a moment to notice.

If we are so busy looking ahead or worrying about current situations it can be easy to forget how some things may have shifted in the last 12 months. We don't even notice how far we have come. 

So by taking a moment to breathe, in and out, I invite you to think back on the last 12 months and take a moment to consider...

What has changed?

What have you learnt?

What would you like to bring into 2015?

What would you like to let go of for 2015? 

May this be the beginning of a wonderful month of festivities (what ever that may mean for you)...I certainly look forward to the country walks and glowing log fires...maybe even a few 'hilarious' cracker jokes thrown in too.

Above all I encourage you to make this month a celebration of where you have come from this past year. Through the highs and lows, the discomfort and triumphs, and smiles and tears...

...I invite you to find 3 things that you are proud of.

3 things no matter how big or small, that you know you did your best at that time, you tried something new or you made the most of an experience in this past year. 

Whatever they may be, by acknowledging a few things that you are proud of or grateful for can help to create even more joy in the present moment. These moments, these little (or BIG!) successes deserve to be acknowledged and celebrated. By doing so you can boost your self esteem, confidence and motivation levels even further to kick start the next 12 months. 

Go on I dare you to give yourself a pat on the back ;-)

So what is your top 3? 

I'll leave you with that, and not forgetting to wish you all a Happy Celebratory Month and a 'Happy Sprout Day'* on the 25th as my dear friend says!

See you next Month!

*Brussels Sprouts in case you were wondering. 

The Power Of One Simple Word...

'Prepare for the worse case scenario'...'Don't get your hopes up'...

How many of these phrases have you heard throughout your life so far? 

Whilst being aware of the consequences (i.e. checking Ecology as we call in in NLP) is extremely helpful...sometimes if we place too much emphasis on what we don't want...what could 'go wrong'...or what we are missing...we simply affirm to ourselves and others to bring us in life more of what we don't want. 

After all the grass is greener where we water it. In other words where we place our attention, our focus, our energy...that area continues to grow. 

Sonia Choquette, an Intuitive Spiritual Teacher has always emphasised the power of the word 'Wonder'. 'I wonder...' opens up possibilities, connects with our creativity and imagination to start creating what we desire.

For example, imagine that there are two friends...friend A and friend B:

Friend A starts the day waking up thinking 'Oh crap, another miserable day I bet I'll get stuck in traffic again, and I bet that my boss will be in another of his bad mood as always...etc etc'

Friend B starts the day waking up and thinking 'I wonder what wonderful things will happen today...'

Essentially what friend B is doing is exercising their creativity, imagination, and having fun in the process. They are also telling their RAS (Recticular Activating System) what they want to focus on and what they wish to experience. Friend A is also communicating with their RAS, however to create different outcomes...by telling their RAS to find more of what they don't want.

In NLP we talk about the RAS, a part of our brain as it is fundamental in goal setting. It acts as a filter between the conscious and unconscious mind, acting as a faithful servant to our thought process. If we feed it with positive thoughts, it will set out to prove those true, just as if we were to feed it limiting thoughts such as 'Nothing is going right...I'm going to have a crap day´ it will also set out to prove those true. Our RAS cannot differentiate between positive and negative. It simply acts like a dog finding the ball its master has thrown out there...it fnds the evidence and brings it to our attention. 

This is not to say that you will completely cease to have any challenges, set backs or disappointments by starting the day this way...they can still come into our lives as they do with anyone. It simply means you will start noticing more of the 'wonderful moments' and yes in turn attract more into your day to day life as you begin to shift your focus. 

So notice what kind of day you could have if you fed your RAS with thoughts like "I wonder what wonderful things will happen today..." 

Your RAS will start bringing to your attention little surprises and wonderful pleasures of life and as you bring your focus to these areas and that your beliefs are aligned...you will start attracting even more into your life.

Notice what wonderful, little treasures come into your life when you start the day with wonder...its a lot more fun thinking that way too ;-) 

Happy November!

One Of The Most Important Things In Life...

One of the most important things in life...

Can you guess what it is?

Of course there are many important things... we all need shelter, nourishment, air to breathe, connection with others etc. 

Tony Robbins often talks about the 6 Basic Human Needs which are...

• Significance
• Love 
• Certainty (perceived)
• Variety
• Growth
• Contribution
  

In order to live a happy and fulfilled life we all need some level of each of these. Too much (perceived) certainty and life becomes predictable and boring... too much UNcertainty and we can feel lost, on edge, anxious and fearful. Each person has a different percentage of each need that they feel satisfied with. 

So back to my question... what's one of the most important things in life?

Good Vibrations Barcelona World Dance Day 2018

FUN.

Simple right?

Fun can fit within the 6 basic human needs, we can have fun that also brings us a sense of variety. Fun can help us to grow, feel loved or even that we are contributing to the planet. It simply depends on what the activity is and how we perceive the experience. 

So often we rush around life, wanting to 'achieve' more, 'do' more, 'earn' more... which often come with a lot of added pressure to succeed. Sometimes we take things (and ourselves) waaaay too seriously. 

As George Bernard Shaw once said...

"We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing"

Not only does play help to keep us young, flexible and full of energy, it can also make life a whole lot more interesting if we are enjoying the ride rather than whipping ourselves for not being perfect. One of the many reasons I'm one of the Good Vibrations Barcelona organisers... the activities we do are fun!

So I invite you, as I have done with my clients (and also myself too many times) to add a little more fun into your weeks.

'I wonder... what can I do this week that is simply for no other reason...  is silly, fun, and entertaining?'

Below is a link to a video by friend Peter Sharp, helping those commuting to work to experience the journey a little differently. Something to add a little bit of Fun to peoples day.

Happiness Is Just A Skip Away

Enjoy!



Now I'd love to hear from you... what element of FUN will you bring into your week? Let me know in the comment section below.

Have a friend seeking support? Offer a helping hand and share this post. 

Want more? Check out my website for FREE resources, events and trainings www.emmabradford.net 

7 Ways To Find Comfort In Times Of Uncertainty

What do we do when something unexpected happens? 

Do we become stuck in a state of anger blaming everything and everyone around us? 

Or do we notice emotions arising, choosing to observe, learn and move on? 

I was reminded about this on a recent trip to the UK when I had each flight delayed 2 hours and a car break down all in one weekend. Yes really! It was through these experiences that  my travelling partners and I were reminded of the helpful aspects of previously perceived 'set backs' and times of uncertainty.

We have a choice...we can choose some of the below options or we can choose to remain stuck in a state of anger. It's ok to notice some frustration and anger...its what we do with the emotions that count. To hold on, resist and try to shift the responsibility to others may not necessarily bring the healthiest outcome.

• We can start observing the present moment...which for many people passes by without much thought or attention (myself included at times). With these moments we can take a moment to sit, observe and take in what is really going on around us. Would we really notice families hugging, or hearing a child's laugh if we didn't have that moment to stop? And by noticing this how does that affect your state? Also by observing how we feel internally we may notice we may need to give ourselves some more comfort before we angrily snap at others.

• We can find hidden benefits...that we may have missed previously. How have you benefited from this setback or moment of delay? What have you gained? What have you learnt?

• We can build a greater connection with ourselves and others. Without that moment to stop would you be having that conversation? Without that moment would you take the time to reflect and connect to yourself? 

• We are reminded not to take things for granted. We can assume that everything will go according to plan, which (with travel especially) anything could happen. What are you grateful for in this moment? 

• We can become more flexible...through experiences like these we then know how to deal with any future situations that could arise.

• We can have a moment to re-evaluate our life...is this situation reflecting anything for you and your travel partners? What can you learn from this?

• We can take a moment to rest...which sometimes many people often don't do. Having that moment to stop, breathe and observe can act like a meditation for the mind and body. 

• We may surprise ourselves...sometimes through unexpected situations we can realise things about ourselves that we may of not previously noticed. Old beliefs connected to situations may no longer seem to be an issue. What is different now?

If you notice that you are becoming frustrated or angry when in a situation ask yourself this...

Is it really worth holding onto this anger? And what emotion is lying underneath this? Often fear is hidden away beneath the initial frustration...fear of what may or may not happen, anxiety of the uncertainty, sadness of missing out on something or even fear of what people may think. Upon realising this we have the choice to either hold on to unhelpful states or embrace ourselves in a time of need.

Observing, connecting, finding the hidden benefits and taking a moment to breathe...

It's that comfort that can help us feel whole lot better.

What do you find helps? 

How to Increase Your Happiness Easily and Effectively

Whilst enjoying a lovely picnic the other day catching up with a dear friend, we started to discuss peoples passions in life and how my friend met a young woman recently who gave up everything so to enjoy her passion...dancing. She finally decided enough was enough after years of depression and stress, and made the change to to live life to the full doing what she loved. The result? She felt much happier.

If you are feeling stressed, run down, anxious or noticing random physical ailments and symptoms* I invite you to question what could be causing this. The majority of the time it can simply be because we are not incorporating what excites us, makes us smile or laugh into our life.

If you were to make a list of all the things you love doing (and I mean LOVE) as if something has once again ignited that flame inside, put a huge grin on your face and wrapped you in a warm comforting sunshine...what would this list contain? Sometimes the most simple, free things are the most wonderful.

A few that made it onto my list included blackberry picking in the countryside wearing wellies (yes really!) and photographing the incredible beauty of flowers. Notice what goes onto your list and ask yourself...


What does that say about who I am as a person?

How much am I incorporating into my life at the moment?

How can I bring more of these into my life?


And then notice what changes as you begin to do more of these on a weekly basis.

How are you living your life? Working in a job you hate, commuting long hours and finding comfort in the form of food or harmful habits? Or do you find time each week or day to take a few breaths outdoors in the park, call a dear friend for a chat or hear your favourite song and dance around your living room?

Often many of these things on our lists take under half an hour and if it places a smile on face, brings happiness and warmth to your day then surely its half an hour well spent. Bringing back that sparkle to your eyes.

When we use anchors or take part in activities that we enjoy, we build up our state feeling, happier, healthier and full of energy. When we feel like this, a small incidence or set back becomes like a raindrop on a waterproof coat...it simply rolls off and ceases to bother us. Useful isn't it?

So I invite you to incorporate at least 3 things you LOVE into your next week and notice what changes...and feel free to share your findings, I would love to hear your experiences.

May this be the beginning of many more fulfilling weeks to come - have a great week!

*For serious health concerns always consult a trained Health Care Practitioner/Doctor

Authenticity Or Fitting In To Please Others?

I first came across Lissa Rankin whilst looking at TED videos online over a year ago. I immediately shared the link with my sister, who is a Doctor with a keen interest in integrated medicine. She instantly became a fan, and often returns the shares with excerpts taken from books and newsletters written by Lissa. 

Below is a quote from one of Lissa's newsletters, written as if its from your inner core, your intuitive part, your soul (what Lissa refers to as your Inner Pilot Light) as if its talking to you directly. It is so beautiful I felt the need to share it here on this blog. 

We can often see our 'flaws' as imperfections rather than a great unique quality. We suppress ourselves so that we can feel accepted and have a sense of belonging. When in truth, by showing our vulnerable side, connecting from a place of authenticity and value for ourselves we can often feel an even greater sense of love and belonging than previously imagined. 

"You try so hard to fit in and all I want you to do is stop and cherish your uniqueness.

What good would it do a rainbow if all of the colours wanted to be like each other instead of shining individually? Would it be as lovely?

What good would it do an orchestra if all the instruments sounded the same? Would it create such breathtaking sounds?

The world is beautiful because of its uniqueness, and you are beautiful because of the same uniqueness, my sweet.

No more fitting in, dear one. Shine for who you are. The world needs you.

Standing with you,

Your Inner Pilot Light"

Lissa Rankin

 What will you choose today?

Removing Self Critcism

Beliefs about ourselves can affect the life we experience. Not only can these Limiting Beliefs lower our confidence and self esteem, they can also filter our reality so we only experience a life that matches beliefs we store at an unconscious level.

Maybe you notice at times a critical voice inside saying 'I can't do that because...' 'I can't have that because...' 'I can't be that because...'

Sometimes these beliefs can be hidden too, we go about our life working towards a goal and on a unconscious level self sabotage our efforts...all because deep down there is a limiting belief.

Hidden Limiting Beliefs can be found in many different ways, one simple way to start is by stating in the present tense that you have/are whatever you were working towards - as if you have achieved it already. Notice what thoughts come up after...quite often a limiting belief can pop up.


Wouldn't it be great to let go of this self criticism?


On the 19th of July I will be explaining how to...

1) UNCOVER hidden limiting beliefs; find out what is really holding you back.

2) LOOSEN limiting beliefs using specific NLP Language Patterns for both yourself and others.

3) REMOVE Limiting Beliefs using simple yet effective NLP exercises and start believing you CAN achieve your desired outcome.

More information can be found here


If you are not part of meetup.com and wish to attend simply email info@emmabradford.net and I can reserve you a place.

Wishing you a wonderful weekend!

Two of The Most Powerful Words...

Do you know what two of the most powerful words are?

And do you want to find out what made me become a NLP Practitioner?

Recently I was interviewed by Spiritual Life Coach Katja Rusanen, here is the LINK. 

Enjoy!

Less Correcting and More Connecting

I was at work tidying away the boxes of tea and noticed a phrase on the tea bag label of a well known herbal tea company. 

This phrase made me stop and think when I came across it. Not only because its something that I have worked on personally in the past, it is also something that I have found quite common among people I have encountered throughout my life so far.

Do less correcting and more connecting

When we correct ourselves from an area of judgement we disconnect from our true self, become stuck in a state of fear and limiting beliefs of 'I'm not good enough' = loosing the connection

When we correct others through judgements we build up a wall between them and us = loosing the connection.

What is important here is to acknowledge what we mean by correction. It may seem hypocritical for some for a NLP Coach to say not to correct to ourselves and improve areas of our life. It depends what you mean by correcting. Personally, NLP is about remembering who we are and our great capabilities. So whilst it may feel that we are correcting (improving) ourselves, what we are really doing is remembering our true selves before we piled on the limiting beliefs and self sabotaging behaviours.

So the real issue here is... are we correcting (improving) areas of our self from a place of love, releasing what no longer benefits us or are we correcting (judging) from a place of fear?

Correcting out of judgement can break connections. If we continue to judge others and ourselves we just drift further away from the connection we desire. Note that writing this doesn't mean I am perfect either, its through my many mistakes and challenges and a couple of successes that I feel I can talk about topics such as this.

When we accept all of our imperfections, continuing to improve what no longer works for us we connect to our core, our true self = more connection

When we accept others as they are whilst maintaining respect and value for ourselves, we build a stronger connection between us = more connection

This does not mean to say that you need to accept hurtful or harmful behaviour from others by not ´correcting´ them. You can still connect in a loving relationship or friendship whilst being a high value person. High value, meaning that you acknowledge your needs and desires whilst cooperating with the other, accepting their map of the world too and finding a solution that works for the highest good of everyone.

Good Vibrations Barcelona - I Trust you, Do You Trust Me Social Experiment www.facebook.com/goodvibrationsbarcelona

Correcting (improving) to then remember our true self and our capabilities can enhance connection

Correcting out of judgement and fear can move us further away from ourselves and harm connections with others

By noticing judgements that come up in day to day life we can question ourselves what may be behind that initial judgement and acknowledge that from a place of love.


Are we fearful about what others may think?

Are we so scared of rejection that we reject others first?


Are we continuing to find faults in ourselves so to confirm the ´Im not good enough´ limiting belief and remain in our comfort zone? For some to release this is more scary than the affect of the belief itself. For some succeeding can be frightening as it questions all the limitations we had previously believed and it brings unknown experiences.


When do you feel most connected to yourself and others?

How can you increase these connections on a daily/weekly basis?

5 Steps to Increased Confidence...

I quote these talks a lot in coaching sessions, workshops and meetups. 

Great message, amusing, and useful tips on how to increase our happiness and confidence levels.

The other week I carried out a 'The Power of The Mind' workshop in Barcelona looking at how our mind influences our body. What we think, creates emotions through our internal representations and meanings that we attach to experiences, which then in turn affect our physiology and behaviour.

I also touched on the reverse, how the body can affect the mind. Studies have shown that if we adopt a high power pose (body posture that we naturally take when we win something or are in a position of power) we actually create a chemical reaction within the body which then starts to affect our state of mind.

By adopting one of these power poses and also linking it with a memory when we felt confident in the past we can create a powerful kinaesthetic anchor to use whenever we need to. I started doing this when I completed my first NLP training in 2012, using the anchor every day. Now I find its so powerful I just have to use it for a few seconds whenever I feel I need an extra boost and to keep the anchor topped up full of energy. 

5 STEPS TO INCREASED CONFIDENCE

• STEP 1: Recall a memory when you felt totally confident, the strongest memory you can think of. As you think about this memory with your eyes closed, adopt an 'arms up in the air' position with your chin slightly lifted as if you have just won a race (see example in video).

• STEP 2: See what you see in that memory hear what you hear in that memory, and with every breath notice that your confidence levels become stronger and stronger. Notice what you say to yourself when you feel totally confident. 

• STEP 3: Increase the level of all senses making the images of your memory in your minds eye BIGGER and BRIGHTER, sounds CLEARER and LOUDER, feelings STRONGER and STRONGER with every breath and repeat your internal dialogue to yourself a couple of times...notice how totally confident you feel now!

• STEP 4: Open your eyes, put your arms down and do something to clear your mind such as listening to a song, counting to 20 out loud, watching a video clip of your favourite film. This acts as what we call a 'Break State' which helps to lock in place the anchor we created previously. Take a moment to notice how you feel now before testing the anchor, have a quick mental scan of your body.

• STEP 5: Test the anchor. Close your eyes, put your arms up in the air in the same position as you previously did and notice what changes. What is different now? How has your level of confidence changed now? Some may also start to notice changes to breathing, or thoughts of the previous memory coming back.

Use this every day for at least 30 seconds whenever you have a moment to yourself, when you first get up out of bed, when you are in the toilet behind closed doors etc and you can lock in place a powerful resource anchor to use whenever you need to in the future. Perfect to use before interviews and exams, increasing your levels of success!

Good stuff eh?!

What is NLP?

Neuro Linguistic Programming can sound like a bit of a mouthful at times. 

Each practitioner has their own way of describing what is with some calling it both an Art and a Science and others explaining it as a way to achieve excellence in your life. I usually use the following description...

NLP is a tool to understand unhelpful patterns we may be creating unconsciously in our lives. To enhance or alter our patterns of thought, behaviour and emotion so to become the best version of ourselves. 

It's like we have a DIY toolkit for life.

I don't see it as becoming a completely new person (although it can feel that way sometimes!)... its more about uncovering the layers of limiting beliefs and emotional baggage we may have picked up along the way, uncovering the real you beneath. Its about remembering our strengths and capabilities which on an super conscious level we have always known and realising this both on a conscious and unconscious level.

Since the beginning of time, aspects of NLP is something that some people have used without realising it however it really came to light in the 1970s through the pioneering work of Richard Bandler and John Grinder. Everybody has the skills and the ability to achieve their desired outcome, however sometimes we can become a little lost along the way which is when the guidance of a friend, family member, doctor or practitioner can help during difficult situations

In short:

Neuro is to do with how we process information internally from our senses to our brain
Linguistic is to do with how we use language to communicate to others as well as ourselves
Programming is to do with our internal strategies we use in order to achieve outcomes.

Through the use of visualisations, goal setting techniques, creating triggers to recall positive emotions and much more, NLP can be a very practical, useful and life changing tool. More than anything its a way to re-frame events, helping us to see things from another perspective and no longer having the same painful emotional charge as before.

Notice how great it would be to go through life understanding yourself a little better, being able to create happy emotions whenever you need to and letting go of past hurts and negative thoughts about yourself!

That's not to say people cant achieve this without NLP, of course they can, there are many useful techniques out there. However NLP can help many people kick start the process and find the balance, great health and happiness that they desire in a very quick and efficient way.

One of my favourite quotes is that of Henry Ford...

"If you always do what you've done, you'll always get what you've got"

If we want to achieve something in our life that we have never had before, we need to do something different. If we havent got it at the moment then there is obviously something that is preventing you from having it whether be it a belief about ourselves beliefs about the world, self sabotaging behaviour or a limiting perspective on the situation. By understanding ourselves, our thoughts and beliefs, and then installing positive behaviours and beliefs we can then start to experience the life we want to experience.

Simple, powerful, effective.

What To Do When You Make A Mistake...

Mistakes, imperfections, and flaws... something that in society we often want to cover up and ignore. 

To show our 'perfect' side whilst hiding fears and vulnerabilities below out of fear of rejection. If we only show this 'perfect' mask we have created are we being truly loved for ourselves? If we share our fears with loved ones they are seeing all of us, therefore we can feel a stronger, more genuine connection. 

"True belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world" Brene Brown 

Making a mistake can be hard. If something doesn't go to plan it can come as a shock, a disappointment, a fear of 'what next?' and 'have I really got the energy to try again?'. It can be embarrassing, a fear of being laughed at, being seen as wrong or at the very core of it 'will I be rejected?' If inventors stopped after the first set back we would be missing a lot of things in the world that we enjoy today. True courage comes when we get back up and try again, using our set backs as stepping stones towards our desired outcome.

Here are 4 pointers I created to help with self forgiveness after making a mistake, and making the best choices for when you give it another shot...

1) Be kind to yourself

Self love is true self love when you comfort yourself with caring words during tough times or when you may have made a 'mistake'. How would you comfort a dear friend in this situation?


2) What have you learnt?

I say 'mistake' previously with apostrophes because if you have learnt something positive from a situation is it really a negative outcome if you now know what not to do next time? How has this experience benefited you and your future?


3) Make choices for your highest good

What will you benefit from most in the long term? To miss part of a course waiting for a friend as you fear going into room by yourself, or to meet your friend at the event so not to miss any of the course? For each person the choice will be different, its about finding what is right for you and your future. After all this is your life. What do you choose to do differently next time?


4) Choice check: Love vs Fear

Double check, are you making these choices out of fear or love? Love for yourself and your future, or fear of an uncomfortable situation and wanting to avoid it? What will give you the best outcome in the long term?

We are all perfectly imperfect. We can either ignore, despise it, or embrace it learning a great deal in the process, continuing to live life to the full.

Is It Selfish?

Pressures we tend to place on ourselves through the influence of society, our beliefs and values came into conversation the other day when talking with a friend.

We can sometimes get caught up in the ´need to please everyone´ and ´mustnt let people down´ that we can push ourselves too far. I used to be a very high achiever in this area many years ago in London. Constantly burning the candle at both ends regardless of how I felt. There was always an excuse to why I had to do something. Whilst I may have to remind myself occasionally, I can see how things have improved greatly since many years ago.

The underlying reason is often more to do with self worth than anything. Are we really valuing our needs in that moment? Or are we prioritising somebody else´s before ours?


Where do you place health and well being on your priority list?

What is your body whispering to you right now? What does it need?

Sure, its important to continue evolving, moving forward, and experiencing life to the full. However sometimes that experience is simply enough to sit still for a moment and listen to the sound of the wind in the trees. Being aware of our surroundings and really experiencing every moment through our senses.

Its all about balance. Knowing what feels right for us in each moment and acting on that to make our decision whether we want to enjoy some quite ´me time´ to relax or whether we feel like going out for a fun evening with friends.


Are you feeling guilty for taking time out for you?

What beliefs and fears are behind this?


Finding a balance is knowing your boundaries, trusting your gut feeling and being ok with saying ´Sorry I have plans already, is there another time we can both do?´. Time out for you, is just as valid as plans with a friend. Its more about what we prioritise in our lives, our level of self worth and our beliefs about the world rather than being seen as ´selfish´ as some may say.

By caring for yourself as one of your highest priorities, you are also being more loving and caring to others. Allowing yourself to be fully present, energised and and the most help to them rather than turning up tired, drained and distracted.

So its not so selfish after all!

How Changing One Word Can Alter How You Feel

We often under estimate the power of language.

We speak to ourselves and others without much thought to what we are really saying. Self talk to ourselves is where we often really let loose and we can learn a lot about our beliefs and values by noticing what we say in our internal dialogues.


Are you loving towards yourself or critical?

When are you more loving to yourself?

When do you give yourself permission to be kind to yourself? 

A few years ago I started to become aware of the energetic differences between particular words, in other words the feeling that they created within when used. For example, the difference between the word Should and the word Could.

Sometimes in the past I felt this so strongly that I physically felt nausea or dizzy spells when I regularly used the word Should. Almost as if I was one of those cartoons that had just been hit on the head and their head was spinning. It took me years to understand what was going on, through trial and error and a few trips to the doctors and other healthcare practitioners to find out what was wrong with no success, I finally realised the majority of the issue was my self talk and choice of language that I used.

If I felt a symptom I would trace back my thoughts and notice what I had just said to myself a few seconds before...99% of the time there was the word Should.

SHOULD brings a sense of pressure, a sense of have to, must do, need to. A sense receiving orders with a heavy feeling, especially if you are talking about a task you do not wish to do.

COULD brings a sense of possibility, opportunity, and optimism. A lighter feeling without the pressure as you are giving yourself an option. You could do that task, however its not a demand.

Awareness is the first step to making a change, you cannot change consciously without being aware of what you want to change in the first place. I started back tracking my thoughts, if I realised I used the word should, I'd simply back track and restate the sentence to myself changing the word Should for Could.

This felt like a weight being lifted off my shoulders, fog clearing and a great sense of relief. The most important thing is to do this with kindness. It defeats the purpose to beat yourself up about using the word Should as you are continuing the effect of the word itself.

Another technique that we use in NLP is a pattern interrupt. For example, if you notice you use the word Should, straight away do something completely different to what you were doing before such as humming a nursery rhyme, jumping on the spot, pulling your ear...the list is endless.


This distracts the mind and interrupts the pattern. If we can disrupt the flow enough times then we can naturally reduce the amount of times we use the word Should.

Try it and notice what changes!

Disclaimer: This blog contains thoughts and opinions expressed by myself, other individuals along with links to other websites. Please use your own discernment related to all material and always seek advice from a health care professional for serious health concerns.

What Is Your Reticular Activating System (RAS) And How Does It Affect You

´You get what you focus on´ is often said on self development blogs and in manifestation books... what is the meaning behind that? 

In NLP we talk about a part of our brain called the Reticular Activating System (RAS) and how it is fundamental in goal setting. Our RAS is like a filter between the conscious and unconscious mind, acting as a faithful servant to our thought process. If we feed it with positive beliefs, it will set out to prove those true, just as if we were to feed it limiting beliefs such as ´Im no good at anything´ it will also set out to prove those true. Our RAS cannot differentiate between positive and negative beliefs.

We create our reality whether we are aware of it or not. 

Two people going to the same party can describe it in very different ways, each person has their own belief system that they feed their RAS. Almost as if we each wear a different pair of glasses, looking through another pair you would see a very different world. By holding onto our limiting beliefs we then delete/distort or generalise the information so that it fits in with our belief system.

If we believe 100% that all people are always kind, we will (on an unconscious level) not notice if somebody is rude to us. This works vice verse as well. If we have the limiting belief that all shop assistants are rude, our RAS will point that out to us and we will encounter more rude shop assistants than those without that belief.

Notice what happens if you buy a red car. Before you may not have noticed many red cars, however after buying one they seem to be everywhere! What has happened? Its just your RAS continuing with ´red car´ on the brain and continuing to point them out to you. There is still the same amount on the roads (more or less), you just didn't pay attention to them before.

Your RAS is also the part of the brain that notices when somebody calls your name, you immediately take note.

This knowledge can prove very useful when working towards our goal. If we can feed our RAS positive beliefs through the use of visualisations, affirmations and anchors, it will start making us aware of situations, people and resources that can help us along the way.

So its not just luck after all!

5 Steps To Uncover and Remove Limiting Beliefs

How do we uncover hidden limiting beliefs? 

The following steps can help find any hidden limiting beliefs. By removing limiting beliefs we can help align the unconscious mind with the conscious, therefore achieving the life we desire.

For example...

Person A: Wishes to loose weight, starts a new diet, exercises, and consciously thinks about loosing weight however on an unconscious level (or even conscious level) they believe that they are fat/unattractive and that they will never succeed.

Person B: Wishes to loose weight, starts a healthier lifestyle made up of balanced meals and exercise, consciously thinks about a healthier lifestyle, and on an unconscious level believes that anything is possible and that they are lovable and worthy of success.

Which person do you think succeeds in the long maintaining a steady, naturally healthy weight?

Which person do you think ends up with yo-yo dieting and self sabotaging behaviours that affect their desired outcome? 

Uncovering Limiting Beliefs

Sometimes limiting beliefs can be hidden. We may be aware of some consciously, however there may be others that have gone unnoticed...that is until now!


STEP 1: Ask yourself;

What is it that I want? (Be specific!)
What are the reasons why I haven't achieved it already? 

(List EVERYTHING that comes to mind - even if it doesn't make sense, or if you are repeating yourself) keep going until you cannot think of anything else.


STEP 2: Look back at the list that you have written. Do you notice any similarities? Any repeated reasons (excuses)? Any patterns forming?

Notice the wording that is used as well, often limiting beliefs are stated with child like language such as ´I can't do it´ or ´They're better than me´ rather than, ´I'm not sufficient in my actions´. Limiting beliefs are often formed between the ages of 0-7 which explains the use of simpler language.

Out of all of the statements written down, which resonates with you most? Which creates the strongest emotional reaction within? Chose one and move onto the following step.

STEP 3: Write down your chosen limiting belief to work on, and next to it write down the positive opposite of that belief. For example, if the limiting belief is´I'm lazy´, next to it write down ´I'm hardworking´.


STEP 4: Write down 3 pieces of evidence in your life (past and present) that prove each of those statements true.

´I'm lazy´ (I wake up late, I don't do household chores...)

´I'm hardworking´ (I stick to deadlines, I gained qualifications for my studies...)

STEP 5: Notice how if you have 3 pieces of evidence both proving the positive, opposite statement and the limiting belief then neither one can be 100% true. There must be a truer statement somewhere in the middle.

´I work hard when I'm passionate about something´

Notice the difference when you say to yourself the limiting belief and then the truer statement. By noticing this and continuing to reinforce the truer statement through the use of post it notes, reminders on your phone, positive image or song to represent the truer statement, we can remove the old limiting belief and align our unconscious mind with our conscious. Therefore allowing ourselves to achieve our goal easily and effortlessly.


Now I'd love to hear from you... in the comment section below what did you find most useful in this post and why? 

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Spring Clean Your Mind

Its that time of year that I just LOVE... 

flower blossom on the trees, warm sunshine creeping in and a sense of activity after the winter months.

Spring cleaning is often mentioned at this time of year, an opportunity to clear out those cluttered cupboards and unwanted clothes. Whilst the physical/material aspect of spring cleaning is great, we often forget that there are other types of spring cleaning that can be a huge help in achieving goals.

Many people set new years resolutions in January and by the second or third week give up due to lack of motivation and blaming themselves for not being good enough. If a friend was struggling with something, would you beat them up about it and tell them that they are useless? Treating ourselves with the love and respect that we deserve can make things 100 times easier to achieve goals.

However sometimes there can be a few little things that can get in our way...

Limiting Beliefs.

We all create our own map of the world, forming beliefs about ourselves, others and the world through experiences and influence from family, friends and other individuals. Sometimes there are helpful beliefs; eg) "I mustn't touch the hot stove as I can burn myself", and sometimes there are unhelpful ´limiting´ beliefs, eg) "If people don't say hello to me that means there is something wrong with me".

Notice how the later can limit us in our lives and add to feelings of insecurity, lack of self worth and lack of confidence. If we continue to believe limiting beliefs, even on an unconscious level, we will continue to limit our true potential in our lives, thus finding it more difficult to achieve what we want.

What we believe (both consciously and unconsciously), we receive. If we focus on not being good enough and believing that we are worthless, we will attract into our lives situations that prove that true thanks to a part of our brain called the Reticular Activating System (RAS). More information on the RAS coming soon.

So, its a great time for spring cleaning! If you have been working towards something and doubt starts creeping in, notice what thoughts are present.

What limiting beliefs have been holding you back?

Tips on uncovering and loosening limiting beliefs coming next!

A Year of Gratitude

I started this year with the flu after a crazy autumn of study, work and a lot of travel. 

Initially, I thought what a rubbish way to welcome the new year. 

However as with everything, I believe there is always something to learn whether the situation is easy or difficult.

It was then, when I was forced to slow down that I started to naturally focus on things that I was grateful for. Sometimes we are so consumed with do do do that we forget to be be be. We are Human Beings not Human Doings as the saying goes. When we get caught up in the million and one jobs that we ´must´do we tend to miss a lot of wonder and beauty along the way. These little gifts are what add happiness and love to our lives. As soon as we start to look around with a different point of view we can see so much more that we may have missed before.

On facebook I saw an image of a gratitude jar, the idea made me smile - what a great way to see 2014 or any year for that matter! Writing on a little piece of paper something that made you smile, something that made you feel loved or something that you are grateful for in 2014 and placing that in an old jam jar, and by the end of the year you can recall what a great year you had when you read all the notes.

Its never too late to start, even if you start next month that's many months worth of nice things to read on December 31st!

What will be the first thing you place in that jar?