“You just need to love yourself” then you’ll find the relationship / job / health / life (fill in the blank) of your dreams.
How many times have you heard this in the self-development
space?
On many levels yes, the relationship with yourself plays huge a role.
Though much in society is focused on the end goal, the end
result, the final destination.
Whatever happened to the journey, the unfolding, the spaces
between?
What if self-love has no a final destination and that at its
deepest core it’s simply a dance of ongoing integration with gentle presence
and awareness?
Self-love is not a something you get to, it’s something you practice.
Some days easier, other days difficult.
The hard days (with yourself, with loved ones) is where you truly get to practice and embody the true essence of love.
Many people have a hard time with this and can barely tolerate themselves, let alone love themselves.
Thing is, you don’t need to go from zero to a hundred, hating yourself one minute (often ends up being directed at loved ones) and then demanding that you should love yourself, fully, perfectly, right now… forever.
Exhausting.
Perhaps there’s an easier way.
To start feeling a little more compassion even if you’re
still not fully loving everything about yourself right now.
Opening up to the idea of TENDERNESS. Gentle, loving presence.
To notice yourself in moments of criticism, judgement and
bad habits, and say to yourself in that moment… “and that’s ok”.
To notice thoughts, feelings and emotions about being
unworthy and unlovable arise and say to yourself “and that’s ok”.
You have the ability to transform an experience, in an
instant, using only words. Words are mighty powerful. The words you use with
others, with yourself, about yourself are the stories you place within the
attention of your unconscious mind - the domain of the majority of your
behaviour.
A few simple words.
It’s a soothing hug in a moment of fear, lack or judgement.
It’s a holding hand when you may feel unloved.
“And that’s ok”
Let’s be clear, this doesn’t mean that you remain in
unhelpful patterns of thought or behaviour forever, using this as an excuse to
never make constructive change in your life.
It’s simply a pause, a loving breather, to acknowledge in a
moment ‘what is’ without the need to rush to change out of judgement.
The more this becomes a practice, the more “and that’s
ok” becomes this self-acceptance mantra that you (and your loved ones)
benefit from.
Softening.
With kindness, with gentleness, with presence.
Instead of being in a state of internal, shame, blame and
conflict. You open up the door to relaxation, presence and more.
This isn’t ‘click’ your fingers once, and everything’s
sorted forever.
Promises like that often don’t last as there’s no solid foundation
of embodiment, practice and integration.
This is a journey of softening and opening with yourself, so
you can relate to your loved ones from your core, rather than your mask.
What words help you? I'd love to hear.
Have a friend going through a difficult time? Offer a helping hand and share this post.
Want more? Full details on trainings, workshops, coaching,
podcast and more on my website www.emmabradford.net
