"There's always a reason" we hear people say.
A positive intention behind every behaviour.
Yes, that's right, you heard it here first - binging on chocolate may actually serving you at some level. Whether that level is good for your long term well-being, is another question!
In excess it may create unwanted, unhealthy side affects, though if there was no gain whatsoever (positive intention) even if you're not aware of it consciously, you wouldn't do it in the first place.
Same goes for running from committed relationships, working all hours until you are burnt out, excessive Facebook scrolling (yes I've been guilty at times too!) and even snapping at a loved ones.
There's always a hidden positive intention.
There's always a hidden positive intention.
So how can someone being mean to another or drinking excessively until it creates alcoholism be a positive thing?
Surely it's negative right?
First of all we need to differentiate between BEHAVIOUR and INTENTION. Behaviour is the by product, the action taken. Intention is the unconscious (and sometimes conscious) meaning, beliefs and drive of what the search is all about.
I was talking about this with a dear friend recently who was worried about a family member, trying hard not to take things personally...
"Respond to her, not her behaviour." I said.
In other words realise that deep down behind the masks, the layers, the fears and doubts which influence behaviour... there is something so much more.
Deep, deep within there is a living spark, an energy, pure love, light, a Soul... whatever you wish to call it. This is the true essence within and whilst maintaining your values and self-respect you can connect to others from this perspective.
When we are on the receiving end of hurtful behaviour it can be all too easy to slip into a fearful egotistical battle of who's right and who's wrong, forgetting that deep down virtually everyone simply wants to feel loved. Even if some tend to go about it in a rather funny way!
Respect yourself and others and connect to love rather than fear. Be the one to change the pattern, and notice what transforms.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm by no means perfect.
It's through my many slip ups, mistakes and observations that I learn what can help both myself and clients too. As I continue this journey, I have noticed more and more the lack of desire to take part in the battle of who is right or wrong. Sure I have my opinions, and I am passionate about what I believe in... I just recognise the benefit of letting it go too when needed.
It's through my many slip ups, mistakes and observations that I learn what can help both myself and clients too. As I continue this journey, I have noticed more and more the lack of desire to take part in the battle of who is right or wrong. Sure I have my opinions, and I am passionate about what I believe in... I just recognise the benefit of letting it go too when needed.
Talking of letting it go - how on earth do we do that?
I've read so many articles and books over the years where authors state 'just let it go'. Before I learnt the NLP and Self-Awareness techniques I now know, I always responded with... "but HOW?"
If we've been hurt, HOW do we let it go? Easier said than done right?
So what's the magic formula?
5 Steps To REALLY Let Hurt Go
1) ACKNOWLEDGE & ACCEPT HOW YOU FEEL RIGHT NOW:
You've probably heard the phrase 'What you resist, persists' right? Emotions are simply energy-in-motion and acknowledging how we truly feel first without judgement is the fastest way to start letting things go.
Give yourself time and space first to gently express how you feel. One way that I often recommend clients to do this is by using the 'I feel...' page that I created (grab your FREE download here).
This exercise was invaluable for me too going through a relationship breakup last year. Completely heartbroken, it gave me an effective outlet in the grieving process, helping to steadily climb my way out of the black hole that I felt had surrounded me at the time.
2) SET THE INTENTION:
Set your intention for how you want to feel and experience life... focusing on what you WANT rather than what you don't. This, in conjunction with the other steps helps to create direction and clarity. It also tells your RAS, a part of your brain connected with filtering how you experience life what you really want to experience thus affecting that outcome.
Focus on what you want, and the direction you want to go in.
3) FIND MEANING & UNDERSTANDING:
You've probably heard me mention many times Tony Robbin's famous line of "If life happens FOR us rather than to us, what can we learn here?". There's a point... it helps us to find meaning in painful situations and as 'A Man's Search For Meaning' Author, Victor Frankl stated in his best selling book - when people find meaning they can get through anything. This is where the looking beyond people's behaviour as I mentioned earlier in this post and finding the positive intention can work wonders.
What is really going on here?
What can I learn here?
How can this experience help me reconnect with my true self within even further?
4) CONNECT TO LOVE:
When you come from the perspective of 'we're just Souls experiencing a physical life' or 'we're simply living breathing human being's, all looking to feel love and belonging' (however some people may go about it!) it can be a lot easier to connect to a compassionate and loving view of that person.
I have also found that remembering that each and every person just like myself at some point in their life has felt alone, hurt and struggling. Those moments where I have felt at my lowest, others have also felt that too. This is one way I quickly and naturally connect to the humble human connection recognising that we're all the same. This can quickly transform into compassion for others when connected to this perspective.
After finding meaning (as I mention in step 3) allow this to transform into feeling gratitude for what you have learnt from that experience. By doing so, this helps to connect to the vibration of love and send it toward the other person involved, thanking them for the deep lesson. Energetically when we connect to love, things can heal much faster.
5) REPROGRAMME YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND:
And this is key that most people forget.
Our unconscious mind controls much more than we think... some Scientists say up to 99% of what we do is influenced by our unconscious so if we don't make the necessary changes at an neurological level, sometimes the healing process can take much, much longer than we anticipated. That's not to say you can't heal at all by only working on things consciously... its possible, as everything is connected. Though to create quick long lasting results, techniques like NLP can be wonderful, effective tools for change. Making sure that at all levels your beliefs, emotions and behaviours are congruent and aligned. If we don't remove the negative attachments, patterns can repeat again, and again.
It's like having storeroom filled with food and supplies... if you don't remove that rotten onion at the back of the basket, the bad smell with continue to remain present no matter how much you try to freshen the air!
You can find more information on this blog about how to work with the unconscious mind, attend one of my classes or sign up for personal coaching sessions... www.emmabradford.net
Now it's over to you!
Which of these 5 steps did you find most useful and why? Using the comment section below I'd love to hear your shares.
Have a friend going through a challenging time? Offer them a helping hand and forward on this post.
If you'd like to be the first to receive these monthly insights, and receive a FREE Boosting Self-Esteem kit too, head on over to my WEBSITE where you can sign up for positive change.
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