How To Resolve Internal Conflicts With These 3 Questions...

It can be tiring, exhausting and confusing. 

It can be downright frustrating. 

As if we are being pulled into two different directions - part of me wants this... and another part wants this...

On one hand we may want to go to the gym, on another hand we may want to stay at home and watch films. 

And so often what is the behind the emotional turmoil of these conflicts and dilemmas is the limiting belief that we can't have what we want or that the two simply don't go together. Sometimes that's not always the case, and even if it is initially, when we take a deeper look at things often the two previously perceived opposing parts actually are looking for the same thing. They just happen to go about it in a different way. 

One of my favourite NLP exercises is Parts Integration, and I have be known to use this on myself whilst on the metro many times! It gently pulls away the hidden masks and layers of internal conflicts, so we can create a new, combined part searching for that common need. 

Below is an example of an old internal conflict from a client who's permission I have to share this. 

Part of them desired a marriage/committed relationship and the other part desired a great career/start up. At the time they could not see how they could have both and they felt they were looking for two completely different things. 

As you can see in the image below, when we broke things down it became apparent that actually both parts were searching for either financial or emotional freedom which in turn would help them to feel Happiness & Passion which is what my client desired at that moment in their life. Both by working within a team of people and also by being with a special someone. It was really about creating connections with others.

P1 (Part 1) & P2 (Part 2) signify the two old opposing parts, B signifies the behaviour or action of these parts and PI represents the positive intentions behind these parts and what they were really looking for underneath their old behaviours. 

My questions after we broke this down were...

"What can you do differently now that you know this?"

and 

"Because what is it really about?"

They answered with "teaming up/partnerships to get in touch with my passion and happiness". "And how can you achieve that" I asked? "By networking" they replied. Not only could they improve business contacts and career options by networking... they could also widen their social community at the same time and possibly meet that special someone. One practical solution that had the potential to satisfy both parts. 

Since that exercise and insight, they have proceeded to make many changes within their life. Mutually ending an long distant relationship that was not working at the time as it neither satisfied their need of connection, happiness or passion. Joining regular networking events, fitness events, social events and successfully creating their own networking community events. These changes even led to physical benefits such as losing 13 kilos in 3 months due to the more active, healthier lifestyle. 

Is that the end and a happily ever after story? 

As with anything, life is a journey, we are constantly growing, learning, evolving and whilst this person is currently enjoying the single life as I write this, with the new perspective focused on Happiness, Connection & Passion and the active 'make positive changes' attitude will continue to open many more doors in the years to come. And I'm certain the right committed relationship for them too. 

Because after all, anything less than a loving, committed relationship isn't fully feeling, happy, passionate and wealthy though isn't it? 

And anything less than enjoying career success inst fully feeling happy, passionate with a sense of peace though isn't it? 

The two can work hand in hand in perfect harmony if we stay committed and connected to what we truly desire (our positive intentions) rather than the emotional struggle of choosing only one action. 

If anything, this exercise helps us to discover the real why behind our goals and initial desires. A powerful piece of information that can...

• Boost motivation
• Keep you focused in the right direction - towards your true desires
• Help to let go of a lot of internal stress & emotional turmoil
• Find decision making a lot easier 
• And more

Now its your turn! Are you aware of any internal conflicts and if so what are you really searching for? 

1) What are the highest positive intentions behind each part? Ask yourself... 'What does that do for me?'

For example... 

Part 1 wants to go to the gym and ask...'What does that do for me?'. Someone may respond with... 'To feel... healthy, fit, loose weight, happiness, at peace with self' for example. Stop when you find the  highest possible intentions relating to that behaviour. So in this example that could be peace and happiness. 

Repeat for Part 2, in this case... staying at home. Possible answers may be 'To relax, feel happiness & enjoy peace and quiet'. Notice the similarities between both sets of answers for both parts. Quite often, both parts are searching for very similar things. Therefore it's not really a conflict as once thought.

2) Ask yourself... 'What can I do differently now that I know this?' Eg... take a conscious action to satisfy the desire for peace and happiness daily

3) Ask yourself... 'Because, what is it really about?' Eg... to enjoy a happy and peaceful life rather than criticise self about what we 'should' or 'shouldn't' do.

Using the comment section below I'd love to hear from you and what positive changes you will make in your day to day life to fulfil your positive intentions. By writing things down we can take the first step towards positive change.

Have a friend struggling with internal conflicts and would find this useful? Offer a helping hand and share this post. 

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Until next time, happy integrating :-)

3 Common Hidden Desires Behind Emotional Food Cravings

Our emotional state is a powerful thing... especially if we allow it to guide us rather than learning from it and directing it.

It can make or break situations, propel us forward and try new things or make us want to hide away and avoid the world. 

It can help us manifest what we want or don't want.

It can also affect our relationship with food.

How often have we eaten more when we're stressed? How often have we felt low, down in the dumps or simply bored and can't seem to stop craving and/or eating certain foods?

Whilst yes, the physical body may guide you at times if its lacking certain vitamins or minerals and will do so by craving certain foods. What often happens though, is when we crave foods the actual food is not what we are really looking for. 

We can tell the difference between a physical need and emotional need by the nature of the situation. Tracing our thoughts and emotions back noticing how they developed as that food craving arose. We can ask ourselves...

What was I thinking and feeling before that craving occurred?

How am I feeling now as I crave that food? 

Some may notice that just before a food craving arose that there were feelings of boredom or a heavy emotional state for example. Notice the thoughts too... often there is 'negative' self-talk. Yes our thoughts create and influence how we feel! (More on emotions here). 

A question we can ask ourselves is...

"Hmm I wonder, what am I really craving?"

In many ways, NLP is above all a curious mindset. It puts us in the driving seat, helping us to become aware of so many choices and possibilities. It infuses curiosity about ourselves, others and life. 

An example of this curious mindset is when I was on the beach in Menorca. There were some unisex toilets, and a queue of people waiting assuming that 'shut door = its occupied'. Out of nowhere this little boy walked all the way to the front of the queue and opened the door to the toilet and stepped inside. It was empty after all much to the surprise of those in the queue! This is what I mean by the curiosity. Its a questioning, a wondering, and a childlike inquisitive mind discovering what is really going on in the situation (not what we assume is happening), what options are available and using that information to take action. 

Are we looking to feel a comforting emotion to help lift you out of the boredom and low mood? This is a common reason why many people crave certain foods that remind them of comforting times during childhood. They are simply trying to connect to that feeling.

Of course we can enjoy comfort food from time to time, and of course it's wonderful to reconnect with old recipes and dishes we used to love. What is unhelpful though is continuing a regular pattern of using food to feed us the emotions that we wish to feel. Especially if they are junk food items or foods that are unhelpful to our physical health. We'll feel rubbish about eating it afterwards if we do so on a regular basis and beat ourselves up about it. Not the most helpful action. Thus creating a continuous cycle of more emotional food cravings. 

So if we want to curb the cravings, we can use our inquisitive skills and ask ourselves... "Hmm I wonder, what am I really craving?" Because there is a hidden goal, a hidden positive intention. And quite often if we're feeling unhappy and unfulfilled, searching for comfort food, there are 1 or more of the 6 Basic Human Needs (especially the three in pink) that we are searching for unconsciously...

1. Feeling a sense of Love, Belonging & Connection to others
2. Feeling Significant and that we are recognised for things
3. Having a sense of perceived Certainty, feeling safe and secure
4. Experiencing a sense of Variety
5. Feeling a sense of Growth as an individual
6. Feeling that we are Contributing to the lives of others

Once we know what we're are really looking for, we can then brainstorm other ways to bring that feeling into our life, therefore helping to reduce the cravings for unhelpful foods. For emotional food cravings often it's when we feel alone, sad, rejected etc (looking for love and belonging), when we feel anxious uncertain (looking for comfort and a perceived sense of certainty) or when we feel bored (looking for a sense of variety, satisfaction, excitement and adventure in life). 

For example... if we find that what we're really looking to feel is a sense of perceived certainty, then we can find other ways to help us feel supported, safe and comfortable without using food. For example; creating the most comfortable environment we can at home or by calling a dear friend and asking for help during a time of uncertainty. CONSTRUCTIVE comfort rather than destructive comfort.

Another way to transform our emotional state is to bring our attention 100% to the present moment, breathe deeply, raise our arms up above our head, tilting the head up and closing our eyes as we continue to breathe and focus on our breath. Almost as if we have just won a race and someone captured a photo of us passing through the finish line as we truly felt that moment. This is a called a Power Pose and we can understand why it's called that as we bring it into our life on a regular basis. (For the science behind the pose click here).

Now its your turn. 

What are you really craving and how will you fulfil that need without using food? Use the space in the comment section below to state your new actions and kick start yourself into a healthier relationship with yourself and food.

Have a friend who is struggling with emotional food cravings or simply needs an extra boost of energy? Offer a helping hand and share this post. 

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One Common, Forgotten Key To Manifesting What You Want

'Think big'

'Skies the limit' 

'Don't hold back'

...how often do we actually do that? 

How often do we allow ourselves to ask for what we really want?

Maybe you do allow yourself to ask and take action towards goals yet still find yourself in times of struggle and hardship?

I have seen both with myself and clients, that so many of us place ourselves at times, in these containers of 'I don't deserve it', 'I'm not good enough', 'don't be greedy' etc. Believing that if we are happy, successful and receive wonderful things then that's often considered as a threat to others. Now that's an unhappy belief to hold onto! 

What if we were to change things and start allowing ourselves to receive those gifts? If we allow ourselves to experience happiness then we naturally radiate that others, helping the world to be a brighter place.

I was reminded of this on a recent holiday to Menorca. I emailed the reception staff before travelling to check if I could have two single beds, for myself and my friend who was joining me in the studio flat I reserved. I thought, "you know what I really would love? Is a studio flat with a sea view and a terrace too. Why not?" I considered it for a moment as I heard the dialogue starting in my mind "You can't ask for all of that, it's too much, you're just being greedy, you're already requesting a change of the beds blah blah blah." I observed the thoughts and then let them go proceeding to request what I wanted regardless, ceasing to listen to the limiting beliefs further. 

[Before I continue, I'd like to add that everyone has moments of doubt and negative self talk at some point in their lives (yes even NLP coaches!). I point this out to let you know that it's OK. It's what makes us human. Be kind to yourself, as it's what we do with these thoughts that really count. The less we focus on these doubts and detach from the negative stories we tell ourselves, the less they will have an impact on our lives.]

Later that day I received a response, saying that all the studio flats were on the ground floor with no sea views and no terrace so the extra requests were not possible. "Fair enough" I thought, "Even though it would be really nice (and I believe I deserve it!)... I'll let it go." 

When I arrived to check in, despite my initial booking all the studios were unavailable as they accidentally double booked themselves the last minute. 

This resulted in receiving a completely free upgrade to a 3 bedroom flat with sea views and a terrace. 

Result!!

Would I have still received that if I hadn't emailed that request? Who knows. 

However, I am sure that by...

• Allowing myself to request that and put the message out there regardless
• Being open to receiving what I wanted (i.e. believing that I deserved it) 
• AND most importantly letting go of the 'how' and fearful attachments to the results

...helped to bring that into reality (more on how we create our reality here). 

When manifesting/goal setting if we are constantly stuck in a place of doubt, fear, 'I don't deserve it' mentality... even whilst taking action towards our goals, that's often when the struggles and set backs come into play. It's not to say everything will be completely 100% plain sailing if we don't. Just that by asking, believing and letting go of the reins of attachment it can help to make the ride a whole lot smoother. 

Next time you catch yourself wanting something and hearing that Gremlin in the back of your head with all the excuses, limiting beliefs and fears...take a moment and STOP.

1. Briefly observe the doubts and let them go by changing your focus back what you want - not what you don't want or the fears surrounding it. (More info on how to remove persistent limiting beliefs here)
2. Feel how good it could be to have that as you visualise it (Make it sensory based noting what you'll see, hear and feel)
3. Put the message out there by taking action. Bite-size, actionable steps to move towards that desired outcome.
4. Then, change your focus back 100% to whatever you were doing previously in the present moment. This helps to let go of attachment to fears and doubts and surrender to the flow of true manifestation. 

I often find the last step is the most powerful as it helps to release attachment and stop entertaining the fears and doubts. If these are left to linger within our focus they can reverse the whole manifestation process. This is the hidden key that most people forget about. Bringing our attention back to the present moment.

Try it. 

Notice what changes as you use that hidden key whenever you wish for something. Using the comments below share what you would love to receive in the next month and observe what thoughts come up. If you notice any 'I don't deserve it' beliefs, challenge them and state positive phrases to break that down such as 'I am choosing to deserve it' or 'With every breath I take my self worth grows stronger and stronger'. Then following the steps above notice what happens. 

Have a friend that would find this useful? Share this post and offer a helping hand.

Until next time, happy manifesting ;-)

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How To Find Your Personal Motivation Point

Many years ago when living with my parents in the UK we had a tropical fish tank filled with a rainbow of beautiful little fish. Over the course of a few months these fish began to disappear, apart from one, which in turn grew bigger and bigger and bigger. You can guess what was happening! 

One day when we relocated this fish to a bigger tank at the local pet store, it jumped out and starting flapping its way across our kitchen floor. Needless to say we all started screaming and running around the house like we had just seen a Yeti or something - some were even hugging each other and crying too! Yes, it looked as comical as it sounds.

In that moment I naturally started to do what we call in NLP 'checking ecology'. I considered all the options available possible consequences and used that information to motivate me to pick up the flapping fish and place it into the water again. Despite feeling very squeamish, I did it anyway because I could not bear to see the fish suffer nor could I sleep in peace if I had not done everything in my power to help it. 

In every situation where there is something that feels right to do, yet we are afraid to take action there can be powerful motivators to help us take that step. By considering all options and consequences (a.k.a. checking ecology) we can propel ourselves forward into brighter, happier experiences in the long run. 

As Susan Jeffers says... "Feel the fear and do it anyway!"

Perhaps there is something that you want to do at the moment such as asking someone out for a date or applying for that job you desire, yet you are currently stuck in a state of fear. Everyone is unique with different variations of beliefs and fears... for what one person fears and believes another may feel differently about it. And by taking a moment to consider the following questions you can tap into your own point of motivation and use that information to take your desired action. 

1. If I were to achieve/do/have ____X____ what would I gain?
2. If I didn't achieve/do/have ____X_____what would I gain? 
3. If I were to achieve/do/have _____X_____what would I lose? 
4. If I didn't achieve/do/have _____X______what would I lose?

Feel free to take it even further and consider... if you were to do nothing, taking no action at all what would your life experience be like in 3 months time? And 6 months time? And 1 years time? 

Notice what changes as you consider these questions. And what gave you the biggest boost of motivation? By taking time to consider the consequences of possible actions we can really kick start ourselves into action.

So as always, I invite you the next 30 days to put this into practice and 'check ecology' whenever you make decisions or work towards a goal. Use your personal motivation point and notice what changes when you do. 

This can be especially powerful as a reminder every time you want to procrastinate or self sabotage by eating unhealthy foods or avoiding exercise. We have a choice. Do you want something to change? Start by considering the questions above and use that extra energy to propel you into a more compelling future.

I'd love to hear from you - which question generated the most motivation for you? Using the comment section below please share your thoughts. Also, do you have a friend who is currently lacking in motivation? Offer a helping hand and share this post with them helping you both to Kick start this summer with an extra burst of energy in the right direction.

Wishing you all a great summer!

Ps/The big fish was very happy & healthy in his new home :-)

How To Feel More Satisfied In Life: Discover Your Personal Key...

"One day there was a little boy, he had a large cupboard filled with different toys in his bedroom. In that cupboard were 4 teddy bears all varying slightly in shape, size and colour. 

A little brown teddy bear at the front of the cupboard was the toy that was the most loved and cared for. It still looked in good condition as it was treated so well by this little boy. He loved this bear so much so that he had completely forgotten about the other three teddy bears towards the back of the cupboard. 

The other three were squashed and dusty, full of cobwebs and spiders as they had not been seen or touched since they had been placed into that cupboard. In his eyes, he only had one. That little brown bear."

Sometimes we can forget that there are other things within us that call for care and attention. We place all of our focus and attention onto our physical body for example and forget to nourish our other 'bodies'. Yes energetically speaking we have many!

Take a moment to consider all of the different 'bodies' you have from your physical, mental, to your emotional and even spiritual if not more. And ask yourself...which of these do I nourish the most?

To nourish means 'to supply with what is necessary for life, health, and growth', to care for, to maintain, to look after so you can experience health within that area. If we want to feel better emotionally, or to experience better mental health whether be it improving memory or reducing negative thoughts - by nourishing these 'bodies' we can experience greater health. Just as if you want to gain more physical muscle we nourish our physical body with physical exercise whatever that may be.

If you like, you can take this even further and consider all the different parts of you... your playful part, your loving part, your creative part, your intellectual part etc.

Which 'part' are you currently nourishing and satisfying the most?

Which is the most neglected and could do with some care and attention? 

If you were to create more of a balance between these 'bodies' or 'parts', how would that affect all areas of your life?

What would that look, sound and feel like?

So how can we nourish and satisfy these 'bodies' or 'parts' of ourselves? Think about what can help promote greater health, for example we know for the physical body wholefoods and exercise can work wonders, just as meditation for the mental body can help reduce negative thoughts over time. The emotional which can often be the most neglected due to fear of showing our vulnerabilities (or even fear of what we may find!) can be nourished by hugs, hearing uplifting music and more. Each person is different. 

The great thing is that many things can help many 'bodies'. As we know from the mind/body connection that meditation not only helps our mental body it can also affect our emotional and more. What this brings to light is self awareness, giving us a moment to tune in and simply consider those different parts or bodies within us, and if anything is crying out for our attention. And by doing so we can experience a more balanced and harmonious life with a greater sense of satisfaction. 

So if you were that little boy what would you do differently now? 

This month I challenge you to chose one small action that you can do on a daily/weekly basis that will nourish the 'body' or 'part' of yourself that is currently neglected. 

What will you choose? And notice how great that could feel afterwards!

As always I like to join in the NLP fun too ;-) so this month I'm going to listen to more uplifting music for the 'dancer' part of me now that my laptop is fixed. Let the party begin!

Do you have a friend that could benefit from this post? Give a helping hand by sharing this and empowering each other during the week whilst you both nourish yourselves back to wholeness.

Feels good doesn't it?

One Simple Trick To Deal With Overwhelm...

To do list's.

Decisions.

Worries & fears.

What can we do when thing's get too much? Is there a magic secret to reducing anxiety?

The topic of 'overwhelm' came up in conversation during a NLP meetup not long ago... a common challenge for many striving in society to be the perfect person with the perfect career, relationship, body, health etc. This image of perfection that has been portrayed in society as to what everyone 'needs' in order to be happy has it's consequences. 

Whilst it's great to move forward in life, gently challenging ourselves to step outside of our comfort zone and achieve our goals... by having too much emphasis on 'needing' more in order to be happy can put ourselves in a very unhappy place if we have yet to achieve it. 

And gives us a pretty overwhelming list of things to achieve too.

Letting go of our need for perfection can help let go of internal overwhelm.

Internal? 

Yes, there are two main types of overwhelm as I know it...

Internal...

People can feel overwhelmed on an internal basis - focusing on too many thoughts, worries, fears, regrets, not knowing what decisions to make.

It has become common human nature to regret and worry about past and future events, lack of trust and confidence in our ability and decision making. Creating a complex web of worries and fears. Jumping from idea to idea... dancing around every painful memory, possible outcomes and fears about what may happen.

Essentially everything BUT what is happening in the present moment. 

One way to reconnect is to mindfully observe what surrounds us in the present moment. Mentally noting... 'chair, table, glass' etc or whatever is in our surroundings can be a quick way to switch off the mental chatter and regain a moment of presence in our life. 

External...

People can feel overwhelmed on an external basis - sensory overload when they are in busy, stimulating situations such as in big crowds, shopping centres, city centres etc.

Modern day lifestyle has changed the way human beings live dramatically - loosing the tranquility and simplicity of being connected with nature and ourselves. Being in place of non stop hustle and bustle, noise and commotion. 

And for those of us who need our peace and quiet, busy situations can become unbearable. 

How I dealt with overwhelm...

Being a highly empathetic and sensitive person, I used to struggle a lot with external overwhelm. So much so that I experienced extreme anxiety and panic attacks in the past on a daily and weekly basis. Being in crowed places used to be unbearable. 

Whilst there were many things that helped, one simple trick that helped me the most was tuning out everything that was going on around me, shifting my focus to one point only... my thumb and index finger. 

By bringing my attention here and noticing the sensation of the tips of these two fingers gently rubbing against each other dramatically changed my focus. My breathing slowed and deepened, my muscles relaxed and I felt a lot calmer. If ever I catch myself absorbing too much external information or thinking about too many things, this simple action brings me back to the present moment quickly and effectively.

We become overwhelmed when we focus on too much at once, whether be it internally or externally.

So the trick is to simply reduce our focus to ONE thing only. 

One small physical touch or sensation can help significantly to bring more clarity and calm into our life. Some people use their breath, some use a song, an image or an object as a reminder... find what works for you. 

Something to pull us back to the present moment, one small area of focus so we can then see the situation from a more helpful perspective. 

I'd love to hear from you! What do you notice when you practice this technique in moments of overwhelm? Let me know in the comment section below.

Have a loved one who suffers from overwhelm? Offer a helping hand and forward this blog post. 

Want more? Check out my latest FREE resources, events and trainings here. 

How To Let Go Of Excess Emotional Baggage

Emotions are funny things aren't they? 

Catching us off guard and making us say things we don't want to say or do what we don't want to do. Common belief is that things just happen to us...we have no control over life and how we feel - now that's a powerless position to put ourselves in! And a scary one too, never knowing what's around the corner or if we'd be able to handle it.

Can we really control our emotions? 

Good news. The answer is YES! How we experience life is much to do with what is going on in our 'control tower' - our brain! The thoughts and images that we choose to focus on in our mind all have a meaning that we attach to it. For each person the meanings are different - we each have our own 'map of the world' or 'pair of glasses' if you like and its by focusing on these meanings, thoughts and beliefs that we have the control of creating lighter or heavier emotional states. It's up to us. 

Not easy, I know.

I certainly have my moments too. The magic part though is being aware and accepting responsibility which can bring a HUGE sense of freedom. We have a choice, we can mope around all day and point the finger elsewhere (easy to do!) or we can accept that the quickest way things will change is by doing something about it and to start changing our focus (more effort at first but oh so more rewarding!).  

So when you next catch yourself starting to feel sad, angry or frustrated...trace back your thoughts and notice where your focus was. Quite often you'll notice negative thoughts such as 'its not working, I cant do anything right' or 'he hasn't replied, he's lost interest in me'...hmmm not so uplifting thoughts eh? 

No wonder we feel rubbish afterwards!

So how can we let go of the emotional baggage if we find ourselves swimming in heavy emotions? 


1) Openness & Loving Awareness: Being open to consider a different perspective, noticing how we feel and tracing back our thoughts to find the root cause. Notice the word 'loving' here. This is not about beating ourselves up again for having a negative thought in the first place...simply be curious and notice.

2) Re-framing: Challenge your thoughts and beliefs and re-frame the situation. Is it really that 'he's lost interest'? Or perhaps he's had a challenging day?

3) Creative Release: If you still feel some of that emotion you wish to let go of, find a creative outlet to release it whether be that through dance, exercise, writing or art etc. I often encourage clients to write what I call the 'I feel...' page if I notice there needs to be more of a release. 

Taking out an A4 piece of paper and repeating and finishing the sentence 'I feel...' until they have completely covered the page. Emotions are like energetic heavy weights if we hold onto them...by writing things down we can let go of some of those weights, allowing the emotions to express their true nature and simply be the 'energy in motion' that they are. Its our constant focus on unhelpful thoughts, judgement and lack of creative release that makes them heavier. Writing the 'I feel...' page followed by screwing up and throwing away the paper can create a huge relief. I also use this technique if ever there is a time I feel the need to let go of excess emotional baggage and it works wonders.

Being an empathetic person myself (yes, its my number one Gallup strength too!) can have its pros and cons. Whilst I often feel what clients are feeling and sense intuitively what needs to be worked on in each moment it can also mean I need to be very loyal to my personal well-being to then ensure I can continue giving the best service possible. Just like when you're travelling by plane and they say 'place your own mask on first before helping others' - because if you don't you simply cannot help others effectively. 


These above tools are fundamental for any empathetic person, or anyone dealing with unpleasant emotions. Try it, notice how much lighter you can feel and let me know what difference you notice in the comments below! Or perhaps you have a technique that works great for you, I'd love to hear your thoughts - feel free to share with everyone in the comments below.

Its through the practice where the real magic happens! 

And finally, do you have friends currently struggling with their emotions? Forward on this post and create pack for a week with your friend, both supporting each other through the 3 step process and discussing the changes that occur...as they say sharing is caring and a helping hand can work wonders. 

30 days that altered my life...

Last year, I created a 30 day interactive online event. 

Mainly out of curiosity to see what would happen...a little bit of an experiment if you like.

Also as a way to add some positive news to social media feeds and as something useful to help boost peoples emotional states (including my own). 

What happened blew me away. I was AMAZED by the level of interaction, response and effect this experiment had on both myself and others.

I first invited a few dear friends to join me in 30 days of thanks, starting with a post that I would add each day about something I was grateful for in life, followed by posts from whoever wished to add their own messages of thanks. By the end of the event, over 81 people from around the world had joined and were participating with their messages of thanks in 4 different languages...even friends of friends joined in, some of which I had never met!

It has been shown in many studies how thoughts and  actions of gratitude can have a huge impact on our mental, emotional and physical well being. Yet so many of us forget to acknowledge this in our day to day lives.

It is all too common to focus on what we don't want, what we are missing, how other people 'have it better than us', they are 'luckier'. However by doing so we are literally programming our brains and unconscious mind to create more of what we don't want in life. 

Our Reticular Activating System (part of the brain related to goal setting) doesn't know the difference between good and bad, real and imaginary. When we think other people are 'luckier' than us, it's as if someone has written onto our forehead saying 'I don't deserve anything nice...don't give me anything'...and you know what? We are the one creating this self fulfilling prophecy!

By shifting the balance and acknowledging what we have right now, we are essentially sticking a sign on top of our heads saying 'open to receiving more of the good stuff, bring it on!' which in turn affects how people relate to us and what we experience in life.

So how did this alter my life? Not only did I notice a huge positive shift in my emotional state, feeling more optimistic, happier and connected both during the event and after. I also started to include this in my daily life and have done since that event. I now continue making a note whenever I feel grateful for something. 

I also keep a reminder on my phone...pops up every now and again to bring me back to a state of love and compassion if ever I have drifted away with worries and fears. It's become more of a habit and I intend to keep it that way...a healthy, happy habit which makes life oh so more enjoyable. 

And don't take my word for it, try it yourself!

Here below is a little snippet of what thanks messages were posted during the experiment, as you can see privacy has been protected. I invite you to post in the comments below, what are you most grateful for right now and why? No matter how big or small.

And to boost your level of happiness even more, why not challenge yourself to a 30 days of thanks starting from today? 

I wonder how even more wonderful you could feel? ;-)

For more information, FREE podcast audios, FREE gifts, FREE online community and more check out my website at www.emmabradford.net

Self Development: How Far Is Too far?

The self-development industry (or what I like to call...Self-Awareness) has exploded over years... it seems more and more people are searching for something deeper.

A connection and awareness to feel more fulfilled in life.

A while ago, a wonderful discussion at my NLP meetup got me thinking further on this topic...

How far is too far when it comes to Self Development? 

And is Self Improvement just a form of not accepting yourself?

If we continue to strive towards goals, continuously making changes within, always looking to reach somewhere... how does that fit in with learning to accept and love ourselves in the moment?

Some say we need to just accept everything as it is, whilst others say we need to achieve SMART goals and continue moving forward making changes until we become who we want to be.

As with many things, I believe it is the art of personal balance. It's not that we either have one or the other, the two are very much connected and part of the same thing.

Helping us to enjoy life!

Finding the right harmony between continuing to let go of what no longer works (i.e. limiting beliefs, unhelpful habits, and achieving new goals that connect us closer to our true essence) alongside a more mindful, grateful and present approach to life can lead to a deeper, fulfilled connection with ourselves and our life experience.

It's to do with the approach and attitude we take than anything.

You can use self-development techniques from a place of self hatred, 'I don't like myself, I need to become a new person'

or

You can use self-development techniques from a place of self love. 'I notice this habit is unhelpful for me so I choose learn from it and then remove it because I care about myself and my future'

It's making choices out of love, rather than fear. 


The Two A's...

Self Acceptance
Increases Self-Esteem levels, helps us to feel loved
Helps in letting go of unnecessary grudges, fears, beliefs etc
Boosts Confidence to try new things, step out of comfort zone so to achieve any desired goals
Is all about enjoying the journey along the way, taking a kinder and more mindful approach to our Self Awareness practice
Seeing perceived imperfections and flaws with love and choosing to let go of only what no longer serves us for our highest good
And much more...

Self Awareness
Is using techniques such as NLP or other to discover more about ourselves, so we continue to grow and evolve
Helps us find out what really makes us tick, what are the root causes to our current challenges, how can we re-frame them and learn from these?
Helps us to keep moving forward, creating movement and direction in our life
Brings deep insight and understanding of the current situation and what may need shifting
And much more...

Consider this...

If we truly loved and accepted ourselves, would we continue unhelpful habits that were harming us well into our future? Self-acceptance can also mean letting go of what no longer works... accepting the need for change and removing the limiting beliefs, uncovering the real us inside.

It's the observing and the allowing things to move. It's the sitting 'with'... and the non-attachment for that very thing to transform too. 


Check in...
If you are facing a challenge at the moment ask yourself the following...

Is this habit, belief or situation harming me?
Is this habit, belief or situation holding me back?
Does this habit, belief or situation help me gain anything? If so what? How can I achieve that same gain in more helpful way?
If I no longer had this habit, belief or situation, how would my life be different?

By noticing your answers to these questions you can determine what action you can take to create loving self awareness. This may require you to use Self Awareness techniques whether be it NLP or other to remove unhelpful habits or limiting beliefs you may find that are no longer necessary.

Because what is it really about?

Simply to enjoy life, and some would say that is getting out there, trying new things, letting go of unhelpful beliefs and fears, whilst also enjoying the flowers along the way.



I'd love to hear from you! Comment below, what do you find useful from this post and how will that impact your daily life?

Have a friend in need? Offer them a helping hand and share this post.

Want more? FREE resources, events and trainings available here. 

Dancing To Success

Yes inspiration and wisdom can sometimes come from the most unexpected sources! I find often its more an attitude; if we are open, receptive and curious we can gain the most valuable insights from what we experience in life. This song below reminds me of my beautiful sister, who was the person that introduced me to my first official 5 Rhythms dance class many years ago. It was from 5 Rhythms that I discovered the power of movement and how it can positively affect our emotions. 

I often talk about the MIND/BODY connection in workshops and meetup practice groups...we know through NLP and many other documented studies over the years that the mind can affect the physical and emotional bodies. What we believe and focus our attention on grows and can alter how we feel both physically and emotionally. 

Don't take my word for it - experience it for yourself! Try focusing the next 15 seconds on a memory where you felt so much excitement, happiness and joy that you were literally jumping for joy and grinning ear to ear. As you breathe into this start to notice what changes with your posture, energy levels and breath etc...your physical and emotional bodies are responding to your thoughts. 

Also through the research of TED speaker Amy Cuddy and many other studies we know that our body can also affect our thoughts and emotions. What postures we hold ourselves in can in turn either create feelings of confidence and high level of self esteem or it can make us feel more introverted and lacking in confidence. Everything is connected. Whether we choose to use this wisdom or not is up to us. 

So if you're starting this year with new goals and you're noticing a few limiting beliefs or fears cropping up, I challenge you this month to use your body alongside other techniques to help propel you to success. 

For example...

You may have the goal to start meditating this year and as you try, you notice limiting beliefs coming up such as 'I cant do it', 'Its boring', 'Its too hard'. 

Challenge those beliefs by finding evidence in your life for the opposite positive belief and/or possible solutions...

'I can do it, I tried a new skill of salsa dancing last year and succeeded'

'There are many different meditation techniques out there, I'll find something fun or an app to get me started'

'If its so hard why are so many people doing it? What will make it easier for me?'

Alongside that use your body and literally 'shake off' any fears or doubts. 

By doing something physical, shaking off any unhelpful emotions, you can then help your mind to 'shake off' the fears and beliefs. Scientifically speaking, the exercise will help raise your levels of Serotonin, Endorphins and Dopamine (the feel good hormones) which in turn help you to feel better about yourself and starting a new goal. It will literally be that kick start to get you going. Not only that, it can also help you to bounce back easily with kindness for yourself if ever you get lost along the way. 

The MIND/BODY connection is a wonderful thing. Next time you you feel resistance, fear, doubts, or anger about a challenge/upsetting situation, use this connection to your advantage. Notice what shifts with your thoughts, emotions and physical body as you do this. 

You don't even need to go to a dance class. Its not about constraining ourselves by learning specific steps*...its about letting go...dancing from within as if no one is watching. And for that, all you need is your body...and maybe a few funky beats ;-)

Try it this month, shake off the fears, shake off the frustration and shake into the success you desire. 

See you on the dance floor! 

*Depending on the type of dance obviously!