How do we respond to uncertain times?
With fear? Anxiety? Anger? Or perhaps we're calm, optimistic and open to change?
Uncertainty (variety) is one of the 6 Basic Human Needs according to Tony Robbins...
1) Love & Belonging
2) Significance
3) Certainty
4) Uncertainty (Variety)
5) Growth
6) Contribution
To have a feeling of uncertainty in life is essential so we don't feel bored. Imagine what it would be like if we knew exactly what will happen every minute, every day of our lives before it happens. I don't know about you, I'd certainty crave some uncertainty just to add some variety in life!
Each individual has their own personal preference, some crave lots of uncertainty, going with the flow and unexpected surprises. Whilst others prefer more certainty in the form of routines, organisation and predictability. When we experience too much certainty for our preference, life can become a bit dull, and when we experience too much uncertainty for our liking, this can trigger higher levels of anxiety.
Each individual has their own threshold.
In my work over the last 5 years I noticed that when high levels of uncertainty were present in clients lives this was a common trigger to reach for comfort food... looking for a feeling of comfort when anxiety levels rose high.
Sometimes we might not even realise that we are affected by uncertainty... yet we can gain deep insights into what is going on unconsciously by looking at our behaviour. Our behaviour is a great insight into what thoughts, emotions, beliefs and values are in play at a deep unconscious level. Are we responding angrily to a change of plan (I know I have at times before!), are we experiencing anxiety bubbling up within? Or perhaps we're in a state of fear... what may or may not happen... worries playing on loop within our mind.
Habitually many human beings are creatures of comfort, not wanting to move out of the comfort zone, our familiar surroundings and if anything pushes us out of it it can trigger more uncertainty in our lives sometimes leading to overwhelm and anxiety.
The thing is, life is constantly moving and changing.
Life IS change.
We cannot avoid uncertain times completely. There will be moments when unexpected events occur in life.. so how about we make peace with change instead?
How To Make Peace With Change...
These following 3 steps are not the only ones out there in the world of self-awareness, though these steps can be a wonderful starting point to shifting our perspective...
1) ACKNOWLEDGE: First of all, what are we currently thinking and feeling about uncertainty and change? What does it mean for us if uncertainty and change are present?
1) ACKNOWLEDGE: First of all, what are we currently thinking and feeling about uncertainty and change? What does it mean for us if uncertainty and change are present?
Are we fearing the worst case scenario?
Fear of losing what we currently have?
Angry that things have changed?
Anxious of what may or may not happen?
2) SHIFT THE PERSPECTIVE: We can start transforming things by challenging the Limiting Belief and acknowledging the emotions.
For example... if we believe that change is painful or difficult, then perhaps we might resist change to avoid pain. Whereas looking at things from a different perspective... perhaps it isn't the change that causes the pain, just our resistance to it that does?
We can notice beliefs as they pop up and challenge them by asking ourselves this question... 'What else could this behaviour mean? What haven't I noticed yet?'
Simply by shifting the perspective we can create a profound shift in how we feel... after all thoughts can create emotions. For more on how to shift emotions specifically join the Facebook community here.
3) CONSTRUCTIVE COMFORT vs DESTRUCTIVE COMFORT: Comfort is not a bad thing, we can absolutely benefit from downtime and an extra boost of oxytocin filled hug. What is unhelpful though, is when we use unhealthy vices to give us that feeling of 'comfort' on a regular basis. Often this can come in the form of food, alcohol and social media scrolling etc.
So the beneficial question to ask ourselves is how do I find comfort and is this constructively helping me both in the short and long term?
For example... if I'm going through a challenging time and I find myself scrolling too long on social media... I'm simply looking for looking for a form of comfort, a distraction from the challenging situation. This isn't necessarily helpful in large periods of time both short and long term so we could say it's a form of Destructive Comfort.
On the other hand, if I'm going through a challenging time and I meet up with a friend to chat about the situation this can be considered as a form of Constructive Comfort as not only can talking with a loved one be comforting, it can also support us in understanding whatever situation we're in and gain clarity on our next chosen steps of action.
Are we constructively finding comfort or are we tapping into destructive comfort seeking patterns? And if the later, what can we start doing to transform that?
Time for change, don't you think?
I'd love to hear from you... what actions of constructive comfort help you? Let me know in the comment section below.
Have friends going through a challenging time? Share this post and help to spread the love even further.
For more information on 1:1 coaching, Wholehearted NLP Trainings, FREE resources and more... check out www.emmabradford.net
