It's of the biggest lessons I've learnt in life.
That no matter how bleak a situation may seem. There is always one thing that remains.
Choice. There are many options in life and often we forget how many are available to us. Not only that, also we're the ones in control whether we're aware or not.
NLP has been a loving 'kick up the backside' and reminder for me many times whenever I've felt like a victim. And yes being a victim is more common than we think...
Finding every excuse and reason why...
- We can't do something - even though we know we'd benefit by doing it.
- We need to hold onto a problem, remaining focused on the problem not open to considering different perspectives.
- We're not to blame and the other person or outside force is and they have inflicted us (this includes blaming the government for how we feel!)
- We need to hold onto a grudge... even if it's something from years ago (move on, for your sake and if you need help letting go check out this previous blog post).
- We need sympathy from others believing that life always throws us the worst.
- Everyone else is better than us or has what we want and lack.
- We don't deserve good things, yet other people do.
- We always have such bad luck or always fall ill.
- We need to use the phrases 'If only I had done___x, y, z___' - self blame is also being a victim!
- And much more...
So how does NLP shake us out of this?
If we create our emotions through our thoughts, behaviour, lifestyle etc then nobody can force us to feel a certain way. It may feel like they can, though we are the ones attaching meaning to that situation and influencing how we feel no matter how uncomfortable that might be to hear.
And if we're creating how we feel surely we can create a different response right?
Yes! And this is where NLP (or any other method that works with the unconscious mind) comes in handy. It helps us to let go of emotional triggers and consciously create how we wish to feel.
First, let's be clear...
To have the occasional moan means we're human. No need to beat ourselves up. Though to remain stuck in a victim mentality, using any of the above list on a regular basis keeps us dis-empowered, stuck and in a state of lack and fear.
Not to mention pretty miserable.
Not to mention pretty miserable.
The easy option is to blame. The happier option is to accept personal responsibility for our life and empower ourselves into the life we desire. If we desire change we need to take inspired action and influence what we can... ourselves and how we respond to things.
One thing that can help is observing what we're really looking for. Our behaviour is a clear indication of what is going on unconsciously - some say our unconscious mind controls more than 95% of our behaviour! By observing our behaviour we can gain an idea of what our unconscious wants. Quite often with victim behaviour, it's a desire to feel loved with a sense of belonging. If you catch yourself doing any of the above behaviours ask yourself this...
1) What am I really looking for?
2) And how can I generate some of this myself?
For example, if we're looking for love, we can find ways to connect to that feeling rather than expecting others on a daily basis to generate that for us. Because that's how we experience love - it's a feeling and there are many ways to create how you feel. Loving words, thoughts, sights, sounds, smells, environments etc that don't solely depend on other people.
Try this...
In the past if I wanted to make changes, bring something new into my life and felt resistance cropping up... I would write the following words on a post-it note and place it somewhere I could see it everyday.
In the past if I wanted to make changes, bring something new into my life and felt resistance cropping up... I would write the following words on a post-it note and place it somewhere I could see it everyday.
Option 1: Stay the same
Option 2: Make a change
That reminder, noticing what life would be like if I remained the in the same situation for years and years, along with removing any necessary limiting beliefs and inner conflicts, meant desired experiences were a lot easier to bring into my life.
And when I say make a change, it's about aligning ourselves with our authentic self, so we can receive what we truly desire, re-framing situations so they no longer bother us and seeing things from another perspective.
When we remove limiting beliefs its as if the glasses we wear become a little sharper, a few scratches removed so we can see things with a clearer perspective. It's about remembering who we truly are, letting go of all the false beliefs of 'not being good enough' we may have picked up along the way.
Because you are, absolutely good enough, without a doubt to experience the life you desire.
Use this as a reminder.
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If you'd like more support in removing unconscious blocks and letting go of those emotional triggers contact me on info@emmabradford.net for 1:1 empowerment sessions - available worldwide.
Also last chance for the EXCLUSIVE transformational Menorca retreat 26-28th May 2017. Closing date 15th April! More info here.
